'Considering all that we've been through today, I think I'm behaving with complete circumspection,' I said just as quietly, gingerly moving my shoulder. The muscles, which had been strained but not torn, protested the movement.
Sarah noticed my grimace of pain, and leaned even closer. 'Are you sure you're all right? Maybe I shouldn't have brought you tonight. What with the virtue and Theo and that horrible storm you conjured up—'
'Will you stop? I didn't conjure up anything. The pub owner himself said it was perfectly normal for storms to whip up like that.'
'Yes, but he couldn't explain the way it completely disappeared a minute later. Nor why just the lights at the pub went out, and none of the other buildings nearby.'
'The fuses were blown, nothing more. It's quite common in buildings close to a ground lightning strike.'
'Hrmph.'
Mystic Bettina (the name had me snickering softly to myself when we were introduced) returned to the round glass table with the others. Milo, Sarah, and I were already seated; Mystic Bettina took an elaborately carved chair I mentally dubbed 'the throne,' flashing a smile around the table. There were only five of us attending the séance—Milo and his wife, an elegant black woman who clutched a tattered bible, Sarah, and me. 'Are we all settled, then? Very good. I'd like to welcome all of you to my mystic circle. I am sure that we will have a very good experience tonight with the spirits. They always know when people sympathetic to their beings are present.'
I was going to say something, but Sarah was still miffed at me for the way I had driven off Theo the kidnapper.
'I'm afraid one of us here is a skeptic,' she said, shooting me an accusatory look.
'Oh, but everyone is welcome at my table,' Bettina said quickly, turning her overbright smile on me. 'Even non-believers. Especially non-believers! It is perfectly healthy to be skeptical of something so beyond our grasp as the spirit world.'
'See?' I said softly to Sarah, nudging her with my elbow. 'Skepticism is good!'
She made a sour face.
'It is one reason why I have a glass table,' Bettina continued, nodding toward the table upon which were spread a number of tiles painted with the letters of the alphabet, like oversized Scrabble tiles. In the center, a normal-looking drinking glass sat upside down on a small square of crimson silk. 'I do not want anyone to be able to claim the events they witness have a mundane explanation. There is no trickery performed here!'
Sarah elbowed me back. I ignored it and carefully examined the table. Despite the dim lighting of the small séance room, everyone's legs were clearly visible beneath the table.
'Now, if we're ready, perhaps we can begin with a prayer.'
I bit my lip and said nothing as Bettina clasped her hands together and bowed her head before offering up a prayer of understanding and protection. Everyone followed suit except me—I took the opportunity to look around the room, trying to find anywhere an accomplice could hide, locations of possible hidden projectors, and anything out of the ordinary.
'Atheist?' a soft voice to my left asked.
'More a skeptical agnostic,' I answered Milo in a whisper. 'I grew up in a strictly religious household, but it didn't stick with me after I left home.'
'Me, too,' he said with a conspiratorial smile.
'If everyone would take a few moments to write down a couple of questions you would like asked of any spirits who may visit us, that would be very helpful.' Bettina passed out small squares of paper and tiny pencils. 'Please don't sign your name to the questions. The spirits will know who asked what.'
I toyed with my pencil for a moment, debating whether I should pose questions that physicists have yet to answer, but decided it was hardly fair to expect anyone, even supposed spirits, to solve all the mysteries of the universe. I contented myself with asking a few simple questions instead, passing my paper along with everyone else's.
Sarah leaned closer and whispered, 'I hope you didn't embarrass me by asking something impossible to answer, like what the meaning of life is, or what Einstein's favorite color was, or what that gnu thing is.'
'Gnu?' I whispered back, confused. I'd never had any questions about cattle of any form, let alone exotic ones.
'That theory thing you're always talking about.'
I stifled a giggle. 'That would be GUT, the grand unification theory, but I've long since moved on to string theory—'
'Excellent,' Bettina said, shooting me a glance that indicated she'd love it if I shut up. 'For our new friends who haven't been here before, I'll explain what will happen during this séance. First, everyone will place their fingertips upon the edge of the glass. We will clear our minds of the trivialities of everyday life, and focus on creating a welcoming environment for any spirit who wishes to join us.'
'Short of baking cookies and laying out a 'Welcome, Spirits' doormat, how are we supposed to do that?' I asked Sarah in a nearly inaudible voice.
'Shh!'
'Once a spirit has indicated that he or she is present, I will begin reading your questions. I ask that you be silent until the spirit has answered the question, at which point you may ask for clarification if needed, or if you have a follow-up. In order to keep the séance to a reasonable length, there will be only one additional question per person.'
Well, at least this was going to be fairly short, I thought to myself as I prepared to clear my mind of whatever trivialities were lurking there. 'Begone, value of pi to ten decimal points,' I murmured softly. 'Shoo, velocity of the pion. Take a hike, plum pudding model of the atom.'
'Portia!'
I composed my face into one of absolute innocence, and placed two fingertips on the circular walls of the glass. Bettina did a few moments of communing with who knew what, swaying slightly, her eyelids fluttering in a suitably dramatic fashion.
'Spirits, entities, and loved ones who have passed on before us,' she intoned, still doing the swaying and fluttering thing. 'Heed our plea, and grace us now with your presence.'
Milo's arm brushed mine. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His lips were twitching. I fought hard to keep from grinning at him, and was mostly successful, but Sarah glared at me nonetheless.
'We beseech you who have gone beyond the beyond—'
I bit my lip hard, using the pain to distract me from the need to burst into unseemly laughter.
'—share with us your knowledge and advice.' Bettina took a couple of deep breaths, swayed forward, swayed backward, swayed forward again, then sat upright and opened her eyes. 'Is there a spirit with us now?'
Beneath my fingers, the glass moved slowly to a tile upon which had been printed the word YES in bright red letters. I wasn't surprised the glass moved, being tolerably familiar with the concepts of autosuggestion and self- delusion, although I had been content to simply rest my fingers on the glass and do no more. No doubt an overeager participant had nudged the glass across the table, possibly quite unaware that he or she was doing so.
'Very good. Let us see what the spirits have to share with us tonight.' Mystic Bettina pulled a piece of paper from the stack, and opened it. 'Does the velocity of an object in space determine the force of the vacuum through which it travels?'
Everyone looked at me. I cleared my throat and smiled. 'It was the only thing I could think of offhand.'
Behind my arm, Sarah pinched me.
Bettina gave me a stern look, and pulled another piece of paper from the pile. 'I believe we will try a question a little less confusing. Here is one: is my brother James happy—'
'Sorry we're late,' a voice interrupted as the door to the séance room was opened. Sarah gave a startled yelp, and jumped in her chair.
Silhouetted in the doorway were two shapes, the voice female. 'Bloody badgers, it's dark in here. Tansy, find the switch, will you?'
We all blinked as an overhead light suddenly flooded the room with light. Two middle-aged women, both with close-cropped, greying hair, stood smiling at us. One was very short and rather round; the other was tall and had a
