“Hi,” I return, then search for my sister, ignoring the faces staring back at me. Like I have tried to ignore them all day.
I spot her across the crowded lunchroom. Holding her tray, she stands with another girl. She looks so confident. So self-assured. I’ve never seen her this way.
I fidget in my chair. Push a frizzy, coarse lock back behind my ear. Watching her, I scratch a bit desperately at my arm, at my suffocating skin, and wince when it starts to sting. I glance down at the splotchy, irritated flesh. I’ve been this way all day. Uncomfortable, slightly ill. The butterflies in my stomach definitely not the good variety. Except during gym today. I’d felt good then…around Will.
Tamra sees me, registers that I’m sitting with people, and looks relieved. Permission granted to sit wherever she wants. She nods to me as she joins a table crowded with beautiful, well-dressed teenagers. Clearly the cream of Chaparral High. Brooklyn is among them, of course.
My dose of her in third period supported everything Catherine told me. Apparently she heard about Will sitting with me yesterday and took exception. Every time Mrs. Schulz turned to the blackboard, Brooklyn would swivel in her seat and level me with a killing glare. I wonder if she knows he talked to me during PE.
I suppose a glare like that would send most girls whimpering into themselves. I didn’t care. I have bigger problems.
I haven’t seen Will since PE. As I haven’t decided whether to go out with him, it’s a relief. Yes, being around him feeds my draki, and it’s all about that right now. About me doing whatever I can to keep that part of myself alive. But he’s everything I should avoid.
For a draki, he’s death. Ironic, huh? To keep that part of me alive, I have to be close to that which kills it.
I scan the lunchroom but don’t spot him. He must have another lunch period. Regret stabs my heart. And then I’m angry for that. Confused. My fingers fumble with a packet of ketchup.
At least I haven’t seen his cousins. There’s no confusion when it comes to them. They should be avoided at all costs. Xander with his sly eyes and Angus with his curling lip. I don’t know how I would have handled Tamra sitting at a table with them. Brooklyn is one thing. But them?
“Your sister fits right in,” Catherine comments.
“Yeah,” I murmur, popping open my soda can, fighting hard to look okay with that. Because I am.
It makes sense. She should fit in around them. She’s practically human herself. She always loved the trips into town — anywhere we ventured in the outside world, away from the pride. “She’s good at that,” I murmur.
“What?”
“Fitting in,” I reply, sipping my orange soda. The kind of junk drink Mom never lets us have. The citrus burn- tickles my throat. The tangy aroma fills my nose.
“Why aren’t you over there with the beautiful people?”
I shrug.
“You could be,” Brendan quietly interjects, picking at the crust of his sandwich, a shy, half-smile bending his lips. “You’re as pretty as she is.”
“Well, duh.” Catherine playfully nudges him in the side. “They’re twins.”
My lips twist into a smile. I pause with a potato chip halfway to my mouth. “Is that all it takes? You just have to be attractive to hang out with that crowd? You’re pretty. It must involve more than that.” Biting into my chip, I open my hamburger and examine the questionable patty. Wrinkling my nose, I place the bun back on the burger.
“Anyway, your sister should be careful.”
Brendan-of-few-words adds, “They’ll make her one of them.”
Like they’re vampires. Still, his portentous words send a small chill through me.
Then I shake it off. Tamra and I are sisters. We love each other. We would never hurt each other. Nothing will change that. Maybe it’s finally her turn to belong somewhere.
Catherine nods, tossing her too-long bangs out of her seawater eyes. “He’s right. You don’t want her to become one of them.”
I don’t want a lot of things. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to lose myself in this new life-sucking world. My sister hanging out with populars? Should I now add that to the list? Even if it makes her happy?
Catherine waves her burger with one hand. “I’m telling you, those girls over there are a pack of wolves.”
Because I don’t want to worry about this, because I just want to get through the day and figure out what to do about Will, I joke, “You’re really upbeat, aren’t you? Don’t tell me. I bet you’re a cheerleader.”
Brendan snorts.
Catherine’s mouth sags — the picture of horror. Color burns her cheeks. She shrugs. “So maybe I have an ax to grind with Brooklyn.”
“Really?” I mock.
“They used to be best friends,” Brendan volunteers. “In junior high.”
“I told you never to mention that,” Catherine rebukes.
“Really?” I ask again, this time minus the mockery.
“Yeah, well. That ended the first week of freshman year when the gods of popularity—”
“Seniors,” Brendan supplies.
“—chose Brooklyn as their little protege. Since then, I’m just a bad memory.”
And I can’t help thinking of Cassian, of
Funny. Here, I am insignificant. Expendable in the eyes of my peers. A strange girl uncomfortable in her skin — well, her human skin. Uncomfortable in her surroundings. Who doesn’t know how to talk, act, or dress.
It makes me want to go home all the more. Home to the pride. Even if the pride does try to control me. At least there, I’m me.
A slow certainty steals over me. I need to keep my draki alive long enough to get back. The thought of it dying terrifies me, makes me desperate. Desperate enough to do something I shouldn’t.
Desperate enough to tell Will yes.
“You’re probably wondering what you did in a past life to get stuck with us.” Catherine says this as she drowns a fry in ketchup, her many rings glinting as she works her fingers.
“Gee, thanks,” Brendan murmurs.
She gives him a look. “Don’t be so sensitive. You know I adore you.”
I lower my mostly uneaten burger. “Of course not. Just glad for anyone who wants to be my friend.”
“Hey, Jacinda!” Nathan calls from his table, half rising. He waves and jerks his head, beckoning me over.
Catherine’s smile slips. She reaches for another fry, avoiding my gaze. “You’ve got plenty of people willing to be your friend. Go on. Sit with Nathan. He’s a decent guy — unfortunate pink shirt and all. No hard feelings.”
I send Nathan an easy wave but remain in my seat. “I’m good where I am.” Good at least in this. In hanging out with Catherine and the quiet Brendan. They’re undemanding. Uncomplicated. Easy to be with when everything else is so hard right now. I need that. “Unless you want me to go.”
“No.” Catherine flashes a grin. “Stay.”
Nodding, I eat another chip. My gaze drifts across the room, to my sister. Her hair falls smoothly past her shoulders, gleaming like flaming silk.
The same boy who walked with her in the hall yesterday sits beside her. Across from her, another one vies for her attention. Cute guys. My heart expands a little. For her. Who knew she could flirt? Cassian wasn’t the only one who rejected her, after all. Showed her his back when she came around. The boys in the pride rarely spoke to her. They couldn’t. Their families too afraid of letting them get involved with a defunct draki. They wouldn’t risk contamination of their gene pool.
I look away, stare down at my tray. Sorry that I can’t share in her pleasure. Sorry that I have to do everything in my power to simply abide this life that gives her such happiness.
Sorry that maybe, in the end, I will lose the battle and have to leave her behind.
