Firelight

We’re not friends. Not even close. And we never will be.

29

At five o’clock, Mom sticks her head in the bedroom. “What do you want to do for dinner tonight, Jacinda?”

She switched shifts with someone so she could stay home with us one Friday night for a change. I feel a flicker of guilt. For all her trouble, she’s going to be alone.

Tamra has plans, too — no surprise. And I haven’t told either one of them about my date with Will yet. Right now, looking at me, Mom thinks she’s going to have a fun night with at least one of her girls.

Tamra is trying on clothes. She didn’t volunteer anything more than that she’s going out with friends. And I don’t ask. Don’t expect to know these friends if she did tell me. Given recent events, I’m pretty sure they’re not cheerleaders.

I spot a pretty eyelet blouse she’s tossed — eliminated as an option — on the bed, and think it’s perfect for my date with Will.

Inhaling, I confess, “Um, I’m actually going out, too.”

Tamra swings around.

“Really?” Mom asks, crossing her arms and stepping into the room. “With who?” A small note of hope rings her voice. That the difficult daughter might actually be coming along. Fitting in. Making friends.

“With Will.” I avoid calling it a date. No need to alarm her.

“Will?” Tamra’s voice cuts in. “Isn’t that kind of…stupid?”

Mom’s brow scrunches like she’s concentrating. “He’s the reason those girls harassed you in the bathroom, right?” Apparently, Tamra has been talking to Mom. “The boy who makes you…”

Manifest. Like it’s something dirty, she can’t even say it anymore.

“I can control it around him now,” I lie. Better than telling her I don’t need to.

Mom’s eyes harden. “I don’t want you going out with him,” she says this quickly, flatly.

“Yeah. Me too,” Tamra chimes in, like she has some kind of authority over me.

“You don’t get a say,” I snap at her.

Tamra’s livid now, and I’m sure it’s because I lied to her when she asked me about Will. Guess I should have told her the truth then instead of wanting to keep it a cozy little secret just between me and Will. “He’s caused us nothing but trouble—”

I stab a finger through the air. “He’s the only reason I even want to stay here! The only reason I haven’t run away yet! You should be thankful I met him.” Not totally true. Mom and Tamra play a part, too…but I’m too mad to admit that.

Mom jerks, blinks. Color bleeds from her face.

“Jacinda.” She exhales my name in a hushed breath. Like I’ve said something horrible. Done something even worse.

“What? You think I haven’t thought about running away?” I demand. “I was miserable until Will! I don’t think I could stand a day here without him!”

Tamra grunts in disgust and turns back to the closet.

Mom’s quiet. Looks pale and afraid. I can see her thinking, processing. I stare at her, try to feed her my hope. Make her understand that everything’s better, everything will be all right as long as I have Will.

She shakes her head sadly, regretfully. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with him.”

If only she knew how dangerous.

“Fine,” I say tightly, tossing my hands up. “Keep me in a bubble, why don’t you? Or homeschool me! Don’t you think any boy that I like…that I’m attracted to might make my draki come to life?” I don’t think this is true, but I say so anyway. It’s strictly Will. There’s something about him. Something in him reaches inside me. No other boy could affect me the way he does.

Mom shakes her head. “Jacinda—”

“Should I try going out with a guy that grosses me out just to play it safe?”

“Of course not,” she quickly says. “But maybe you shouldn’t date anyone until your draki—”

“Is dead?” I finish, biting out. “I know.” I fan my hands in the air. “It’s that great event you’ve been waiting for. The day you can call me human.”

And this hurts. Like a wound that just won’t heal, but pulses open and bloody. The knowledge that I’m not what she wants, that I have to be someone I don’t want to be in order to have her approval….

Tears burn in my eyes at the unfairness of it all. I pull in a deep breath. “Has it occurred to you it may not die? That my draki is not a part of me you can just kill off? That it is me. Forever. All of me. Who. I. Am.” I splay my hand over my heart. “I know you think it will eventually wither away here, but I’m a fire-breather, remember? That makes me different from everything we’ve ever known about our kind.”

She shakes her head. Looks tired. Old and a little scared. “You’re not going out with him.”

I clench my hands until the bones ache. “You can’t do this—”

“What? Be your mother?” she snaps, her amber eyes lively again. “That’s never going to stop, Jacinda. Get used to it.”

I know she’s right, of course. She loves me and will always do what she thinks is right to protect me. Even if she makes me miserable in the process. She’ll do whatever she has to do.

I cross my arms, settle my lips in a grim line. And so will I.

Two minutes before Will is scheduled to arrive, I sneak out the window, sliding it shut quietly.

Mom’s in the kitchen, getting a drink and snack ready for the movie I agreed to watch with her. The buttery aroma of popcorn fills the air, the frenzied staccato of popping covering up any sounds I make.

Tamra left half an hour ago, still angry at me. She didn’t even say good night.

As I run around the pool, I spot Mrs. Hennessey looking out the window, the blue light of her television pulsing behind her. I wave, hoping I don’t resemble a prison escapee too much. Air crashes from my lips as I hurry.

Will’s at the curb, just stepping out from his Land Rover. His face relaxes when he sees me. A loose smile forms on his lips. “Hey. I was coming in—”

“That’s okay. Let’s go.” I open the passenger door before he can reach it and hop inside. Breathless.

He gets back in, moving slowly, sending me curious looks. My hands tap an impatient rhythm on my thighs.

“You sure you’re all right? I wanted to meet your mom—”

“Not such a good idea right now.” I glance at the house. No sign of Mom, thankfully. “Let’s just get out of here.”

He nods with slow uncertainty. “All right.”

I can tell he’s not happy — he wants to be the proper boyfriend and everything. I wish I could let him. But I know it won’t work with my mother. Not yet.

“I missed you,” I say, hoping that’s enough to make him feel better. “It’s been a long day.”

He laughs. “I missed you, too. I could have cut school, you know. You’re the one—”

“I know. I know.” I shake my head. “I just don’t want you doing that for me anymore.”

“Well, I won’t have to. You’ll be back on Monday.”

He starts the ignition and drives. I sigh with relief as we pull away. Finally on our date.

I stare into the deepening night, the flashing lights of oncoming traffic mesmerize me in the clinging silence. My thoughts swing from Mom to someone else. Someone who’s in all likelihood nearby. Hopefully, not too near.

I tell myself he’ll keep his word. Hang back. Even if he sees me with another boy. But I’m not a hundred percent convinced.

I glance over my shoulder, at the car following close behind us. It’s impossible to see the driver. To tell if it’s Cassian. After a moment, it pulls around and passes us. I sigh.

“Why do I get the feeling that I’m abducting you? Should I be on alert for sirens in the rearview mirror?”