She tapped a key, and her Facebook page appeared on the screen. She read aloud the slogan that was written below the heading: “Facebook helps you connect and share with the people in your life. Except in this case, it was something we didn’t really want to share,” she said cryptically.
I was getting tired of the secrecy. “Just tell me what’s happened. It can’t be that bad.”
“Okay, okay,” she said. “Just be prepared.” She clicked on a photo album titled “Prom Pics by Kristy Peters.”
“Who’s she?”
“Just a girl in our grade. She was taking photos all night.”
“Wait, it says I’m tagged in this album,” I said.
“That’s right.” Molly nodded. “You and… someone else.”
Molly clicked on a thumbnail image, and I waited for the full-size picture to load on the screen. My heart thumped in my chest. Had Kristy somehow managed to capture my wings on camera? Or was it just a really unflattering photo that Molly had dubbed an “emergency.” But when the picture flashed up on the screen, I realized that it wasn’t either of those things. It was worse; much, much worse. A ripple of nausea washed through me and my vision tunneled so that all I could see were the two faces on the screen: mine and Jake Thorn’s locked together in a kiss. I sat and stared for several long moments. Jake’s hands were gripping my back, and my hands were on his shoulders, trying to push him away. I had my eyes closed in shock; but to anyone who hadn’t been there to witness the full scene, it looked like I was lost in a moment of passion.
“We have to get rid of it,” I cried, grabbing the mouse. “It has to go.”
“We can’t get rid of it,” Molly said quietly.
“What do you mean?” I choked. “Can’t we just delete it?”
“Only Kristy can delete it off her Facebook,” Molly said. “We could un-tag you, but people will still see the picture on Kristy’s page.”
“But it has to go,” I begged. “It has to go before Xavier sees it.”
Molly looked at me sympathetically.
“Beth, sweetie, I think he’s already seen it.”
I ran out of the computer lab and right out of the school. I didn’t know where Gabriel was, but I couldn’t afford to wait for him. Xavier needed to hear the whole story and he needed to hear it right away.
His house wasn’t far and I ran the whole way there, my faultless sense of direction guiding me. It was the middle of the day so Bernie and Peter were both at work, Claire was with her bridesmaids at a dress fitting, and the others were all at school. So when I rang the doorbell it was Xavier who answered. He was wearing a loose gray sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants and hadn’t shaved. He’d taken the brace off his ankle, but I could see he was still leaning on his right foot. His floppy hair was slightly ruffled, and his face looked as clear and beautiful as always, but there was something different in his eyes. Those familiar turquoise eyes that always seemed to sparkle for me now looked hostile.
Xavier didn’t say anything when he saw me standing there; he just turned and walked away, leaving the front door open. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to follow him, but I did anyway. I found him in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal, even though it was almost lunchtime. He didn’t look at me.
“I can explain,” I said softly. “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Isn’t it?” he asked in a low voice. “I think it’s exactly what it looks like. What else could it be?”
“Xavier, please,” I said, fighting back tears. “There’s an explanation for this, just hear me out.”
“You were trying to give him mouth to mouth?” Xavier asked sarcastically. “You were collecting saliva samples for research? He has a rare disease and that was his dying wish? Don’t play with me, Beth; I’m not in the mood.”
I ran over to him and took his hand, but he pulled it away. I felt sick; this wasn’t the way things were supposed to be. What was happening? I couldn’t stand the distance that I felt between us. Xavier seemed to have put up an invisible wall, a barrier. This cold, detached person was not the Xavier I knew.
“Jake kissed
“Very convenient,” Xavier muttered. “How stupid do you think I am? I may not be a messenger of God, but that doesn’t make me a complete idiot.”
“You can ask Molly,” I cried. “Or Gabriel or Ivy — they’ll tell you.”
“I trusted you,” Xavier said. “And it only took one night without me for you to move on to someone new.”
“That’s not true!”
“You could’ve at least had the decency to tell me this was over in person, instead of letting me find out from everyone else.”
“It’s not over.” I choked. “Don’t say that! Please…”
“Do you even realize how humiliating this is for me?” he said. “There’s a photo of my girlfriend hooking up with some other guy while I was at home nursing a stupid concussion. All my friends have been calling to ask if I got dumped over the phone.”
“I know,” I said. “I know and I’m so sorry, but…”
“But what?”
“Well… you…”
“I’m an idiot, I know,” Xavier cut in. “Letting you go to the prom with Jake. I guess I had too much faith in you. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Why won’t you listen?” I whispered. “Why are you so set on believing everyone but me?”
“I thought that we had something,” Xavier said. He looked directly at me and I saw that his eyes were bright with unshed tears. He blinked them away angrily. “After everything we went through to be together, you just go and… Our relationship obviously didn’t mean much to you.”
I couldn’t help myself and I burst into tears. My shoulders shook with each sob. I saw Xavier instinctively get up to comfort me, but then he thought better of it and stopped. His jaw was tight, as though it killed him to see me so upset and not do anything about it.
“Please,” I cried. “I love you. I told Jake I loved you. I know I’m hard work but don’t give up on me.”
“I just need time alone,” he said quietly. He wouldn’t meet my gaze.
I ran from the kitchen and out of Xavier’s house. I didn’t stop running until I reached the beach, where I collapsed on the sand and sobbed myself into stillness. I felt like something inside me was broken, like I had literally shattered and nothing could make me whole again. I loved Xavier so much it hurt, and yet he had turned away from me. I didn’t try to console myself; I just let myself ache. I don’t know how long I lay there, but eventually I became aware of the tide lapping at my feet. I didn’t care; I hoped it would sweep me away, toss me around, force me under the water, and pound the strength from my body and the thoughts from my head. The wind howled, the tide crept closer, and still I didn’t move. Was this Our Father’s way of punishing me? Had my crime been so severe that this was what I deserved: to experience love and then have it ripped away, like stitches out of a wound? Did Xavier still love me? Did he hate me? Or had he just lost all faith in me?
The water was lapping around my waist by the time Ivy and Gabriel found me. I was shivering, but I hardly noticed. I didn’t move or speak, not even when Gabriel lifted me out of the water and carried me back to our house. Ivy helped me into the shower, and came to help me out half an hour later when I’d forgotten where I was and just stood under the pounding water. Gabriel brought me some dinner, but I couldn’t eat it. I sat on my bed, staring into space and doing nothing but thinking of Xavier and trying not to think of him at the same time. The separation made me realize just how safe I felt with him. I craved his touch, his smell, even the awareness that he was nearby. But now he felt miles away, and I couldn’t reach him, and that knowledge made me feel ready to crumble, to cease to exist.
When sleep finally came, it was a blissful relief, even though I knew that in the morning it would start all over again. But I was haunted even in my dreams. That night they took a darker turn.
I dreamed I was outside the lighthouse on Shipwreck Coast. It was dark and I could hardly see through the fog, but there was a figure crumpled on the ground. When he moaned and rolled over, I instantly recognized Xavier’s face. I cried out and tried to run to him, but a dozen pairs of clammy hands reached out and held me back. Jake Thorn strode out from the lighthouse, his eyes as bright and sharp as broken glass. His dark hair was slicked away from his face, and he was dressed in a long black leather coat with the collar turned up against the
