one thing. This wasn’t just some drunk who’d stumbled off the jetty, this was someone who had been thrown in.
“People started gossiping then right enough. Was he washed up from a prison ship, they said. Like they were still shipping folk off to Australia or something. Prison ship … I asks you. If there’s one thing that will always surprise me, Gentlemen, it’s how ruddy thick people can be. If he were a prisoner he must have escaped. Though how he’d have got far, what with the chains, is another question.
“I made it my business to ask around about those chains, Gentlemen, and one thing I can say with some certainty is that they were not prison issue. If there’s one thing you can be fairly sure of in that part of the city it’s that a good few of its residents know only too well what prison chains look like. So … whoever chained him up did so for reasons other than the law.
“That decided, I made it my business to find out a little more about body number two.
“It was discovered by a bunch of kids. Bless you, Doctor, but you pull a face like that as if the kids round those parts ain’t never seen a dead body before. I tell you, my main worry was what the little buggers might have done to it before the police put it under lock and key, I wouldn’t trust the sods around there not to sell a few chunks as pie meat! Merciless, they are.
“I paid a visit to a copper friend of mine—I know, I know, there aren’t many but he’s a decent enough bloke and I’ve always had time for him just as he’s always had time for me. He told me as much as he could find out, which weren’t much. The body had been dead before it hit the water—the police surgeon could tell that much. He could also tell that the body had been beaten up before being fed to whatever mad zoo of sharp-toothed buggers it had been. There were distinctive bruise marks that suggested he’d been clubbed. He was still alive when the animals had him though as his hands were fair in pieces, him having raised them to try and fend the monsters off.
“The police surgeon had spent a fair amount of time in India and was sure that he recognised some of the wounds as matching those you’d expect if the bloke had come off on the wrong end of a fight with a tiger. Which is strange, I grant you, but you get all sorts of animals in that neck of the woods, what with the ships and the import businesses. He also identified a number of puncture wounds that he insists are the work of a snake. Again, you get all manner of slithery bastards sneaking free around the docks, though the chill usually kills them off pretty damn quick. I remember, when I were a kid, me old pa bringing home a fat python he’d found. Tasted just like chicken.
“Anyway, all this added up to a pretty rum way of getting dead. Their first assumption—and I have to say it was mine too—was that the victim had broken into one of the less reputable animal exporters. You know what they’re like down there. If it ain’t animals for toffs, or experiments for those gentlemen of science who haven’t the paperwork to get things done right, then it’s the Chinks and their medicines. Not that I’ve got anything against that. I don’t see how a tiger’s diddly in soup can add years to me life but I’ll eat anything once—twice if I like it.
“So I reckoned it was worth asking around to see what was what in that line of trade. And I tell you, they’re all as crooked as my gran when the gin money was in. Still, accounting for the fact that I wouldn’t trust none of ’em to look after a Jack Russell, let alone a lion, there seems to be two that are particularly known for that perfect combination of scale and corruption—they’re big business and they’re run so far on the wrong side of the law they’re coming back to meet it. So, if it comes down to an animal dealer being involved I’ll stake my reputation on it being one or the other.
“The first is a sour old Eyetie goes by the name of Mario—don’t they all? His main business is private homes—finding that special something for the Lord and Lady what has everything. Though why you’d ever want a rhino in your backyard I don’t rightly know, but the story is he’s sold two: one to a nob in Bath the other to a mad Scotchman. How the Hell he shipped ’em in then got them to the client without anyone cottoning on, I don’t know. But there you are, he’s good at his game, and that’s a fact. He also supplies nasty stuff to those silly sods who get a kick out of that sort of thing. You know the sort, Mr Holmes. Jumped up little gangsters what haven’t the muscle to scare people without getting all theatrical. End up keeping a cellar full of hyenas or a fish tank full of sharks just to scare the locals. In my day we just used to break your ruddy fingers not shove a rare viper down your trousers. I blame the music hall—gives people a taste for showing off. He might be your man—if there’s even a connection— but my money’s on number two.
“Number two’s a Taff, goes by the name of Thomas—don’t they all? Does a lot of his business with the scalpel brigade, which is why I think he’s your man. Most of his animals are nothing but pelt and a bucket full of lights before he’s finished counting his money. Doctors buy ’em. Scientists buy ’em. Anyone who fancies seeing what the poor things look like on the inside buys ’em. Can’t pretend to understand why. Doctor cutting up a cadaver’s one thing—I can see how he needs to learn his way around. Still, you can plot your way from a badger’s arse to his top set but it ain’t going to help me when I’m on the operating table, is it?
“So, those are your likely suspects if you want to go down that route. Though I have to say that neither are the sort that would draw attention to themselves by dumping the bodies elsewhere. I mean, if you’ve got a leopard in the cellar then you’ve no worries getting rid of a dead body have you? It’ll be nothing but chewed bones within minutes. Still, rare animals come into play somehow, so I’ve given you the gen.
“Body three—now that turned up not two days ago. The main difference there is he weren’t floating down the river, he was found in a small pile of himself dumped in the corner of the Bucket of Lies. That’s not the pub’s real name of course, it’s the Bouquet of Lilies but as most of the people what drink there can’t read, especially on their way out, the name sort of shifted. Suits it better and all, the only time you’d catch a whiff of lilies there is if one of the regulars had been grave-robbing.
“The body was found by a blind man what picked it up thinking it was his own belongings! You shouldn’t laugh but there you go, there’s not much to put a smile on your face in that part of the city. So you takes your chuckles, as black as they may be, wherever you find ’em. He only realised his mistake when he felt his back getting wet. There weren’t much blood left in the body, not with the chunks it had missing, but what there was soon dripped through the sacking and his shirt. He fair terrified the residents of the Bucket of Lies when he walked back in and asked, ‘Which one of you gits spilled beer in my bag, then?’—upturning the sack so all the contents were spilling over the bar. He was furious when somebody finally explained what it was he’d been carrying around, not because he was squeamish—he were an old veteran from what I understand, and it takes a lot to get a soldier’s lip to tremble as well you know, Dr Watson. Nah, he was kicking up a fuss because he’d gone from wet belongings to no belongings at all. They never did find his sack, poor sod.
“Now, as you two know, by the time you get to three bodies, people really start to take an interest. Not just the police, I’m talking about the papers. There’s nothing sells the gossip sheets better than a bit of spilled blood. Let’s be honest—if they could use that instead of ink they would. They’re a savage bunch, journalists, and no mistake.
“So before the stains on the bar at the Bucket of Lies have so much as dried, people who have never been within spitting distance of the place are talking about it. The gossip starts, the theories, the lies, the stories getting bigger with each retelling. It’s the sort of thing that drives any self-respecting copper off his nut—if there is such a thing as a self-respecting copper, and it takes all sorts so I suppose there must be. How can you conduct a decent investigation once the gossip kicks off, eh? Everyone’s got a story to tell and half of them have made it up.
“So, before you know it, the main thing becomes a need to make the story shrivel up and go away. It’ll happen in time anyway—the public are never interested in anything for long. But if the whole lot can be written off as quickly as possible nobody need panic, and our city’s police force can get back to looking like they know what they’re doing. Besides, it’s not as if anyone important died now is it? Dropping like flies down there anyway, ain’t they—nothing so disposable as the working classes. So everyone starts talking about gangs fighting amongst themselves, and the newspapermen yawn and move on to something more interesting.
“But it ain’t the gangs, Mr Holmes, none that I know of anyway, and I keep my ear to the ground as you know, so there’s not much that gets past me on that score. We’ve had two new faces over the last few months, an Irishman who seems to have a political axe to grind more than an urge to make any real money, and an enigmatic sort by the name of Kane who keeps himself to himself. Haven’t so much as clapped eyes on him but he’s got some clout and has won a few boys over. I can’t see either of them having anything to do with this though, can you? This sort of thing’s no use unless people know who done it. A gang don’t top a bloke in such an over-the-top way unless they’re making a point, and if they’re making a point they open their gobs about it, stands to reason. Nah, this ain’t nothing to do with the gangs and I’d stake my reputation on it. Which in fact, I just have.
“Whatever’s going on here—and I have no doubt that if anyone can get to the bottom of it, I’m talking to him,
