was ashamed at the thought that her little secret was known to the lady of the house; and all this terror, shame, resentment, brought on an attack of palpitation of the heart, which set up a throbbing in her temples, in her heart, and deep down in her stomach.
'Dinner is ready,' the servant summoned Mashenka.
'Shall I go, or not?'
Mashenka brushed her hair, wiped her face with a wet towel, and went into the dining-room. There they had already begun dinner. At one end of the table sat Fedosya Vassilyevna with a stupid, solemn, serious face; at the other end Nikolay Sergeitch. At the sides there were the visitors and the children. The dishes were handed by two footmen in swallowtails and white gloves. Every one knew that there was an upset in the house, that Madame Kushkin was in trouble, and every one was silent. Nothing was heard but the sound of munching and the rattle of spoons on the plates.
The lady of the house, herself, was the first to speak.
'What is the third course?' she asked the footman in a weary, injured voice.
'
'I ordered that, Fenya,' Nikolay Sergeitch hastened to observe. 'I wanted some fish. If you don't like it,
Fedosya Vassilyevna did not like dishes that she had not ordered herself, and now her eyes filled with tears.
Come, don't let us agitate ourselves,' Mamikov, her household doctor, observed in a honeyed voice, just touching her arm, with a smile as honeyed. 'We are nervous enough as it is. Let us forget the brooch! Health is worth more than two thousand roubles!'
'It's not the two thousand I regret,' answered the lady, and a big tear rolled down her cheek. 'It's the fact itself that revolts me! I cannot put up with thieves in my house. I don't regret it -- I regret nothing; but to steal from me is such ingratitude! That's how they repay me for my kindness. . . .'
They all looked into their plates, but Mashenka fancied after the lady's words that every one was looking at her. A lump rose in her throat; she began crying and put her handkerchief to her lips.
'
And she got up from the table, scraping her chair awkwardly, and went out quickly, still more overcome with confusion.
'It's beyond everything!' said Nikolay Sergeitch, frowning. 'What need was there to search her room? How out of place it was!'
'I don't say she took the brooch,' said Fedosya Vassilyevna, 'but can you answer for her? To tell the truth, I haven't much confidence in these learned paupers.'
'It really was unsuitable, Fenya. . . . Excuse me, Fenya, but you've no kind of legal right to make a search.'
'I know nothing about your laws. All I know is that I've lost my brooch. And I will find the brooch!' She brought her fork down on the plate with a clatter, and her eyes flashed angrily. 'And you eat your dinner, and don't interfere in what doesn't concern you!'
Nikolay Sergeitch dropped his eyes mildly and sighed. Meanwhile Mashenka, reaching her room, flung herself on her bed. She felt now neither alarm nor shame, but she felt an intense longing to go and slap the cheeks of this hard, arrogant, dull-witted, prosperous woman.
Lying on her bed she breathed into her pillow and dreamed of how nice it would be to go and buy the most expensive brooch and fling it into the face of this bullying woman. If only it were God's will that Fedosya Vassilyevna should come to ruin and wander about begging, and should taste all the horrors of poverty and dependence, and that Mashenka, whom she had insulted, might give her alms! Oh, if only she could come in for a big fortune, could buy a carriage, and could drive noisily past the windows so as to be envied by that woman!
But all these were only dreams, in reality there was only one thing left to do -- to get away as quickly as possible, not to stay another hour in this place. It was true it was terrible to lose her place, to go back to her parents, who had nothing; but what could she do? Mashenka could not bear the sight of the lady of the house nor of her little room; she felt stifled and wretched here. She was so disgusted with Fedosya Vassilyevna, who was so obsessed by her illnesses and her supposed aristocratic rank, that everything in the world seemed to have become coarse and unattractive because this woman was living in it. Mashenka jumped up from the bed and began packing.
'May I come in?' asked Nikolay Sergeitch at the door; he had come up noiselessly to the door, and spoke in a soft, subdued voice. 'May I?'
'Come in.'
He came in and stood still near the door. His eyes looked dim and his red little nose was shiny. After dinner he used to drink beer, and the fact was perceptible in his walk, in his feeble, flabby hands.
'What's this?' he asked, pointing to the basket.
'I am packing. Forgive me, Nikolay Sergeitch, but I cannot remain in your house. I feel deeply insulted by this search!'
'I understand. . . . Only you are wrong to go. Why should you? They've searched your things, but you . . . what does it matter to you? You will be none the worse for it.'
Mashenka was silent and went on packing. Nikolay Sergeitch pinched his moustache, as though wondering what he should say next, and went on in an ingratiating voice:
'I understand, of course, but you must make allowances. You know my wife is nervous, headstrong; you mustn't judge her too harshly.'
Mashenka did not speak.
'If you are so offended,' Nikolay Sergeitch went on, 'well, if you like, I'm ready to apologise. I ask your pardon.'
Mashenka made no answer, but only bent lower over her box. This exhausted, irresolute man was of absolutely no significance in the household. He stood in the pitiful position of a dependent and hanger-on, even with the servants, and his apology meant nothing either.
'H'm! . . . You say nothing! That's not enough for you. In that case, I will apologise for my wife. In my wife's name. . . . She behaved tactlessly, I admit it as a gentleman. . . .'
Nikolay Sergeitch walked about the room, heaved a sigh, and went on:
'Then you want me to have it rankling here, under my heart. . . . You want my conscience to torment me. . . .'
'I know it's not your fault, Nikolay Sergeitch,' said Mashenka, looking him full in the face with her big tear- stained eyes. 'Why should you worry yourself?'
'Of course, no. . . . But still, don't you. . . go away. I entreat you.'
Mashenka shook her head. Nikolay Sergeitch stopped at the window and drummed on the pane with his finger-tips.
'Such misunderstandings are simply torture to me,' he said. 'Why, do you want me to go down on my knees to you, or what? Your pride is wounded, and here you've been crying and packing up to go; but I have pride, too, and you do not spare it! Or do you want me to tell you what I would not tell as Confession? Do you? Listen; you want me to tell you what I won't tell the priest on my deathbed?'
Mashenka made no answer.
'I took my wife's brooch,' Nikolay Sergeitch said quickly. 'Is that enough now? Are you satisfied? Yes, I . . . took it. . . . But, of course, I count on your discretion. . . . For God's sake, not a word, not half a hint to any one!'
Mashenka, amazed and frightened, went on packing; she snatched her things, crumpled them up, and thrust them anyhow into the box and the basket. Now, after this candid avowal on the part of Nikolay Sergeitch, she could not remain another minute, and could not understand how she could have gone on living in the house before.
'And it's nothing to wonder at,' Nikolay Sergeitch went on after a pause. 'It's an everyday story! I need money, and she . . . won't give it to me. It was my father's money that bought this house and everything, you know! It's all mine, and the brooch belonged to my mother, and . . . it's all mine! And she took it, took possession of everything. . . . I can't go to law with her, you'll admit. . . . I beg you most earnestly, overlook it . . . stay on.
