'You're a wonderful idiot.' She kissed him on the forehead.
He paused, working up his courage.
'I let you down all those years ago. I let you down bad.' The words came from his soul.
In her eyes he saw the flood of pain. Then tears poured. It was almost more than he could handle. She said nothing, waiting.
'The day on the dock when I was touching you, we both know I was trying to say that I loved you. Of course, we both knew I did. I whispered it so quietly you weren't sure what I said.' He waited, wishing there was an easy way to do this. 'If you want, you can say you don't know what I'm talking about.' Judging from the increased flow of tears- she knew what he was talking about. 'I promised you I would call you. I said I'd call you the next day. We both figured that on the phone I might be able to say more about how I was feeling. But I didn't call. Not that day, not the next. You probably went the first week, making excuses for me, telling yourself there would be a letter or something. I know this sounds ridiculous. It does to me. We talked so little about our feelings.'
'It's not ridiculous,' she said, sniffing and coughing through the tears.
'I'm sure you called yourself foolish for even imagining that we were in love,' Sam said, choking up himself. 'That's maybe the worst part. You thought you were a fool, and then you figured that I never cared, or if I did, I was some kind of weird guy with a personality disorder.'
Haley laughed despite herself.
'Then, to add insult to injury, I never even brought it up. I pretended that it hadn't happened, that it was the folly of youth. We had cousinly love or something of the sort.'
'And then you married Anna Wade and said nothing,' she said. 'Not a word.'
'I need you to forgive me, for not calling the day after we sat on the dock.'
'Why?'
'I was going to save the world from some very bad people. I was pumped up. The next day I was going underground, to Europe, to try to break a big case. It was for a government and a corporation. It just possessed me and I knew I could never do right by you. Your life with me would have been hell. But I should have said something. I should have given you a chance.'
'So now what do you want?'
'Another chance. I want you to open yourself and give me a chance. Run the rock pile.
Take a risk.'
'You know that I loved you ever since that day,' she said.
'I know that.'
She looked sheepish for a second. 'I even practiced how I'd tell you off if this ever came up. In my head, at least.'
He chuckled, and she laughed too.
'You wouldn't seduce me,' she said. 'I hated you for not even trying. Of course, I really wanted you to mean what you said, you jerk.'
'I am sorry,' he said, meaning it.
'That's it?' she said.
'I didn't know exactly how much I loved you in the let's-get-married sense until I saw you in your tam-o'- shanter hat the day all this started.'
'You didn't tell me that either.'
'We were a little busy,' he joked. 'And I did have that thing about people I cared about dying all the time.' He grew slightly more serious. 'I couldn't remember about Anna, and I guess I couldn't be at peace.'
'Are you over that?'
'Enough to run the rock pile one more time,' he said. 'How are things with your mother?'
'Much better. And with the part of me that is my mother. We're in the game, she and I.
There is no rule that says we can't succeed.'
'Amen. Or Pacna, if you're Tilok.'
'My life with Ben and Helen is a testament to the fact that my mother's gift worked.' -
He kissed her then, hoping to end the dialogue and begin the peace. She climbed in his lap and they continued until he realized it might be a breach of the public's peace. Then they talked, and he said all the things he might have said thirteen years previous.
Sometime, he knew, she might ask about the other women and how he could have fallen in love with them. Then again, Haley was a big person and she might never get around to that one.
'Ben call today?' he finally asked.
By some quirk of the Great Spirit, Ben had been alive when Ernie's boat arrived. Ben and Sarah were recuperating together at an exclusive place in Switzerland, with Ben holding court for the scientists of the world. Each visitor thought he would successfully ply the old man and separate fact from fiction. The idea of retirement to a small island with a little laboratory had come up.
The passengers in the coast guard helicopter had also survived, with varying degrees of injury. Ernie had rescued them all. Rachael and Lew were together and beaming, though Sam hadn't seen either of them on San Juan Island in the last couple days. Sam had given them a bottle of champagne and a week's reservation at the most romantic spot he knew. They took it and went. That boded well, he guessed.
'Ben wants me to come to Switzerland at Christmas. He said he'd love it if you would come too. And after what you just said, you better not hesitate for one lousy second.'
'I will,' he said.
Her mouth dropped open.
'Not hesitate,' he clarified.
'Wow,' Haley said, 'just like that! The mysterious Sam will go with me to Switzerland at Christmas?'
Sam's mind weighed the pros and cons, still feeling the sleuth, the spy, the nameless man who doesn't draw attention, eyes shifting to see who might be watching. Then the moment caught him and he gave way, locking his mind and spirit with hers.
It was a rhetorical question.
