After a second I sensed her sitting down at the table behind me. Heard the click of a lighter. Smelled smoke.
‘And that’s reasonably crucial, is it? On a Friday night? A clean oven?’
‘Reasonably.’
‘Nothing else detaining you?’
I sat back again. Turned. ‘Oh well, since you ask, there’s also the very real prospect that Angie told Luke that Phil had left me a lot of money. I have an idea he wasn’t that interested in me per se, but rather in my inheritance. In fact I believe he was initially keen on Saintly Sue, but changed his tune when he heard I was an heiress. Or as good as it gets in these parts. The Jackie Onassis of the Chilterns,’ I snorted. ‘I’ve put him off. I’m not going, Peggy. I can’t afford to make another mistake, you see.’
I felt her thoughtful presence behind me as I resumed my scrubbing. She didn’t gainsay what I’d just told her, didn’t rush to pour scorn: for Peggy was a proper person. A grown-up. I went for the really caked-on bits on the oven floor which ordinarily I didn’t attempt, just left to carbonize or whatever they eventually did. I’d pull the fridge out in a moment, I decided, clean behind it, which I hadn’t done for months. Years, even. Defrost the freezer. Oh yes, it was the day of reckoning.
After a moment Peggy spoke.
‘Perhaps Angie thought by giving him a little nudge, it would help you both on your way? You know what she’s like. Very well meaning, if a little misguided. I do know she told him you were gorgeous, and he made a face and said, “Two kids.” Maybe that’s when she mentioned the money.’
I crouched back on my heels. Stared into the cast-iron cavern. I knew Peggy was deliberately enlightening me. Giving it to me straight. Not allowing me to be under any illusions. I could visualize the sort of face he would have pulled too. A couple of weeks ago, I realized, this might have brought tears of self-pity to my eyes; might have had me reaching for some pills. It was nice to know I was better. Nevertheless I kept my eyes firmly on the oven wall at the back. After a bit, I turned.
‘Something wasn’t right, Peggy. The rather abrupt change of gear. I was supposed to trek to London to meet him for lunch, then all at once he changed it to dinner at the King’s Head. I thought: why so ritzy? And at my convenience? I had the feeling there was something strategic about the whole thing. And he was great fun and everything, we had a laugh, but when we got onto the subject of him starting his own business, he suddenly clammed up. Changed the subject when I asked about capital. He kept complimenting me too, really randomly, like he was ticking boxes. I couldn’t work out why, from being rather blase, he’d suddenly got so terribly keen. I should have smelled a rat. Knocked it on the head much earlier.’ I regarded her squarely. ‘Why do I attract them, Peggy? Rats? Is there something wrong with me? Why do I pick men like Phil and Luke? Or are they not rats at all? Is that actually what men are like? Is there, in fact, nothing wrong with Phil having a mistress for years as long as no one finds out and no one gets hurt, or with Luke cosying up to me because I might be just what he needs to start a new business? Is that the way of the world? Am I being difficult? You said earlier the thought of these men is always much nicer than the reality. D’you really believe that’s true?’
Peggy tipped ash into the palm of her hand, considering. ‘No, I don’t,’ she said carefully. ‘I was being flippant. And neither are you being difficult. The fact is you picked a couple of duds.’
‘Or they picked me. Saw me coming. Thought: ah yes, Poppy, she’ll do. She’s malleable, biddable – rich even, now. If only I were lovable.’
‘Poppy,’ she admonished gently.
I grinned. ‘Don’t worry, I’m in no danger of breaking down about it. Luckily I’m livid and, actually, very calm. I shall never marry again, Peggy, never.’ I said it dispassionately. Knew it to be true. I got to my feet and I threw my Brillo Pad in the sink. Then I turned back to her. ‘Why is it I’m surrounded by lovely women, fabulous girlfriends, have always had such terrific luck in that department, but never, ever with a man? Why is that, Peggy?’
‘Because you’re not looking in the right places,’ she said briskly. She poured herself a glass of wine from the bottle Angie had left on the table, and one for me too. I sat down beside her and gratefully took the glass she offered. ‘You go around looking in bargain basements and then you panic-buy. You riffled around in the sales and found Phil, and then when he’d gone, you went as far as the church across the road, found a thirty-five-year-old organist with a failing business lurking in the shadows and thought: he’ll do. Literally the first single man you met. And why is he single? At thirty-five? Why isn’t he married?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You let all your friends tell you he’s perfect because they want you packaged off and happy, and you don’t stop to wonder
