A Rural Affair

I held the phone from my ear. Christ alive.

‘I also think if I did come, it would be rather … well, invidious.’

‘Would it?’

I was still recovering from the unemployed-housewife jibe. Did she mean because Luke would be there?

‘Luke will obviously be there.’ Ah. ‘And he appears to have made his feelings plain to the entire village. I can’t compete with you, Poppy, not in that department.’ She gave a little strangled sob and then the phone clicked off.

I stared at it, amazed. In what department? Instinctively I glanced at my chest. No, Sue was miles bigger than me. Did she think I’d read the book? Thought my brain was bigger? Had she got to page three and thought: blimey, if Poppy’s read this I can’t compete?

Luke, however, it transpired, wouldn’t be there either. He rang to enthuse about our lunch the other day, saying how much he’d enjoyed it; and actually, it had been very pleasant, in the Rose and Crown’s cosy snug, around the fire with the children, Luke teaching Clemmie to balance a beer mat on her nose, all of us laughing as Archie just plonked one on his head and gazed around, beaming. Sadly, though, Luke said, he had a meeting on Tuesday evening.

‘It’s a shame, because the book is absolutely riveting.’

‘It is, isn’t it, Luke?’

‘You’ve read it?’ Some surprise in his voice.

‘Oh, yes. Cover to cover.’

‘Me too,’ he said quickly.

‘What did you think about the protagonist having a sex change halfway through?’

A pause. ‘I thought it was … a good twist.’

I smiled. ‘I haven’t read it either, Luke.’

‘Ha ha! Nice one, Poppy.’ Although I could tell he wasn’t that amused at being caught out. ‘I intend to read it though.’

‘Oh, yes. Me too.’

‘And I wondered, if maybe we could do something the following night instead? See a film or something?’

‘Can I let you know, Luke? Obviously the eternal childcare question looms.’

‘Sure, or I could come to you?’

I caught my breath. Quite familiar. In my house, a cosy supper, bottle of wine, children asleep. Coffee on the sofa by the fire later. But why not? That was surely the next stage.

‘We’ll see,’ I assured him. ‘I’ll give you a ring.’

I put the phone down and scurried away from it, to the kitchen. Apparently needing some distance. But minutes later I was back, because Peggy was next, saying she had a prior engagement and that if I asked her the book was a complete nightmare. Then Angie, who said she was hunting the next day, so not to include her, even though she’d adored the book. Yes, she thought the sex change was entirely plausible, and actually served as a fitting motif to demonstrate how transitory life could be. It was very emblematic of the ephemeral nature of things, didn’t I think?

I agreed wearily. Although I wasn’t convinced going hunting the following day precluded attending the book club, and told her so.

‘Ah, but I like to clean my tack the night before. Plait my horse, that type of thing. It’s the opening meet, you see. Terribly smart.’

Everyone knew Angie took hunting seriously, to the point of undergoing a personality change when thus engaged, scarily barking out orders in the field and becoming a mounted hunt-etiquette manual, so no doubt her horse would be subjected to all manner of cleansing rituals. I was pretty sure she had an army of grooms to do it all for her, though, but I didn’t quibble.

‘And obviously I need to look the part because the new master is divine. I told you that, didn’t I, Poppy?’

‘You did.’

‘This one’s got my name on it,’ she told me firmly. ‘Plastered on his very cute, tight-jodhpured behind. Single, loaded, good-looking – hot.’

‘All yours, Angie.’ Was she warning me off?

‘And the Armitages will be out too apparently, and they’ll obviously be impeccable.’

‘Yes, so I heard.’

‘How did you hear?’