much champagne, whenAllison openly wondered what, exactly, they were celebrating. Or that sameyear, when Allison paid an unannounced visit to Mat’s firm and found Mat in hisoffice with a young associate, a female associate, a very attractive youngfemale associate with shiny brown hair and a cute figure. It was nothinginherently incriminating; they were not locked in an embrace or straddling eachother on the desk. Mat was sitting in his chair, turned away from the desk, ina way that Allison could only describe as unusually informal, the youngassociate-Carla was her name-half-sitting, half-leaning on the desk on the sameside as Mat. Only separated by about three feet, speaking in quiet butcomfortable tones. No, nothing on its face incriminating per se, with theexception of their reactions, Mat leaping to his feet and stuttering out agreeting to Allison, the young associate Carla jumping off the desk so quicklythat she almost hit the wall behind her. Mat’s suddenly reddened face, hisstruggle to collect himself, finally getting to the point where he could askAllison what she was doing here. Allison had wanted to ask Mat the samequestion. But she didn’t. She even shook Carla’s hand, took it lightly but thensolidified her grip, and she imagines-probably exaggerates this, sheadmits-that Carla squeezed back, as if for that single moment they were locked ina territorial battle that Carla, apparently, was winning. Yes, that is probablythe point where Allison first let the feelings that had been boiling below forso long finally surface, when she finally questioned what the hell she wasdoing with this man. And Mat knew it, on some level.
And so Jessica did, too. What the two of them, Mat and Jess,said to each other, Allison will never know. She did not ever-would notever-share this incident with her daughter. She will not be that kind ofperson. But after that, Jessica and Mat grew closer, spent more time togetheraway from home, away from Allison, had lunches together, probably got togetherin places that Allison never knew. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, Matprobably told Jessica. I’m trying to keep this marriage together but yourmother seems to want something else. I’m doing all I can, Jess. She’s shuttingme out. And the vacation they took together, Mat and Jessica, after the divorcewas finalizing, spending this past Christmas in Florida together while Allisonspent the holiday alone. Just one quick phone call was all the notice Allisonhad. She had been preparing to make dinner and spend Christmas Eve with herdaughter, even considered having Mat join them. Then the phone call, two days before:
Allison tried. Since the breakup, she tried to engage herdaughter about school-Same old, same old, Jessica would say. About herfriends-My friends are my friends. Some are fair-weather, some you can count on.About her love life, a topic from which Allison was now shut out. There’s a guy, she told Allison last December, but you probably wouldn’t approve. Sheremained mum, initially, wouldn’t elaborate, despite Allison’s claim of an openmind.
There’s a guy, but you probably wouldn’t approve. She thinksof her daughter’s words now with a rush to her heart. She thinks of herdaughter’s elaboration, finally, after Allison’s prompting moved from delicateinsistence to pleading.
And so here they are, not talking like mothers and daughtersare supposed to talk. Instead, they stare at each other and hunt for topics ofsmall talk. Jessica is in a turtleneck and jeans, little makeup as usual, herhair in a ponytail. She is prettier every time Allison sees her, which is farless often these days. The distance, however, has allowed Allison to witnessthe developments in her daughter more clearly than when she saw her every day.She sees it in the curve to her chin, the cheekbones high on her face, the wayshe carries herself. Jessica is becoming a woman. But there is something elsethere, too, and Allison feels it in her fear. Allison is afraid, not that sheis losing contact with her daughter, but that she no longer knows who Jessicais, or what has happened to her since the divorce and their estrangement.
“You doing okay?” Jess asks, making an effort at cordiality.No, it is more than that. Jessica still cares. Liking and loving someone aretwo different things. Allison will always be her mother. Jessica is letting herstubbornness hold her back, but it can only go so far.
“I’m doing fine,” Allison assures her. “I told you,everything will turn out fine.”
Her daughter nods without enthusiasm. “Are you still workingon that new book?”
“Not-not really.”
“I liked it, what you had so far. A vengeful woman. It hadmore edge than the first two. More passion, y’know? But the title could usesome work. Best Served — ”
“Jess, I really don’t want to discuss that. You know that.”The waiter brings Allison her water, the iced tea for Jessica. “Listen, I justwant you to know that-you need to understand, if you try to testify differentlythan what you told the police, they’ll prosecute you for that.”
“I know that.”
“I know you know, sweetheart, but-”
“ ‘Sweetheart?’ I think we’re past ‘sweetheart,’Mother.”
Allison recoils. How cruel children can be, with theslightest comment. Her daughter has had to cope with more than the divorce andwhat she undoubtedly perceives as Allison’s infidelity; she has had to livewith endless media reports on a murder trial in which her mother standsaccused. She imagines that Jess has a small support group of friends, butMansbury College is a small school. There must be talk. She must sense it overher shoulder, as she passes. That’s Allison Pagone’s daughter. Her mom killedthat guy. Allison has had to endure the same experience, but then again, she isnot twenty years old, still trying to find her place in the world. At leastAllison is responsible for her own infamy; Jessica is an innocent victim.
Or a victim, at least.
Jessica seems to sense that she has crossed the line,regardless. “You’re going to win the case?” she asks. “You’re sure?”
Allison inhales deeply, stifles a number of emotions. “Thisis going to turn out fine, Jess. I promise. Just make sure that you’re clear onyour testimony. If you make a misstep-”
“I won’t make a ‘misstep,’ Mother. I’ve gone over this withPaul Riley a hundred times. And your lawyer, too. I’m not a kid anymore.”
Jessica has certainly inherited her mother’s strong will,her father’s snappy temperament. She will do great things, this young lady, ifshe can get past all of this.
Jessica stirs her iced tea, keeps her eyes focused on thetable. “They have a really good Caesar salad here,” she offers. She seems tonotice something, then reaches into her glass and pulls out the lemon from hericed tea.
“Yellow like lemon,” Jessica says.
Allison hangs on tight to her emotions. Her daughter istrying to change the subject. Trying to lighten the mood. This is the most shecan hope for, now, these generic questions about her book or how she’s doing orthe quality of a particular salad at a local restaurant or a fond memory. Anyattempt at warmth is so welcome that these innocuous comments almost reduceAllison to tears.
She thinks of the things her daughter doesn’t know about herand, necessarily, the things she doesn’t know about her daughter.
ONE DAY EARLIER…
The meeting takes place five floors below Jane McCoy’soffice in the federal building. Assistant United States Attorney Wayman Teller,from the Public Integrity Division, starts the meeting as soon as McCoy andHarrick enter the room.
Wayman Teller is African American, middle-aged, and graying,dressed like most of the federal prosecutors she knows, which is to saypresentable but forgettable. AUSAs make decent cash for public officials, morethan McCoy, but they don’t spend it on clothes. Teller is in a suit with a tiepulled down. It’s casual attire around the office nowadays, which means theassistant U.S. attorneys can dress down when they’re not in court, but shehasn’t noticed much of a change in their wardrobe. Convincing a federalprosecutor to loosen up is like convincing the Pope to slam-dance. It’s justnot in their nature.
Three FBI case agents are in the room, McCoy’s colleagues,as well as two other federal prosecutors. But this
