innocence. There is no otheracceptable alternative.
“I’m prepared to have three federal agents swear, underoath, that Jessica didn’t kill Sam Dillon,” the agent, McCoy, told her an hourago. “We’re prepared to say that this other man did it.”
Allison had been in no position to protest, because thefederal agent was agreeing with her-Jessica didn’t kill Sam. But her mind toldher what her heart tried desperately to ignore: Jane McCoy wasn’t agreeing withAllison, exactly. She was saying she was willing to agree, if Allison helpedher.
“Of course I believe you,” Allison repeats.
“Did you go to the house?” Jessica asks.
“Yes.”
“Did you get the earring?”
“I left it there, Jess.”
“You left it-”
“It’s my earring, Jessica. Mine, not yours. And you havenever, ever borrowed them. Okay?”
“I don’t understand what you’re doing, Mother. I don’tunderstand who you talked to or what they told you. I don’t understand whywe’re standing outside instead of going inside.”
Yes, it is cold, very cold outside, and Jessica is onlywearing a blouse.
“This is what you need to know,” Allison says. “And this is allyou can know, for now. Sam was involved in something else. He wasn’t doinganything wrong, but he had some knowledge, or at least some people thought hedid. And our government is interested in that other thing. They are willing tosay that this is the reason he was killed. Nothing to do with you or me.They’re going to say that. But I have to help them out.”
“You’re going to help them how?”
“Keep your voice down,” Allison says. “They think my housemight be bugged.”
“What?” Jessica shivers, looks back at the house.
“Voice down, Jessica. It’s okay. I’m going to be fine. I’mbeing protected.”
“This is-this is related to what Sam knew about?”
“Yes. They’re afraid that I might know, too. I don’t. Butthat’s why my house is bugged.”
“This is crazy, Mother.”
“It is what it is,” she tells her daughter. “We deal withit.” She reaches for her daughter’s shoulders but pulls back, doesn’t want totouch her with her dirty hands. “Jess, the police will probably think that Ikilled Sam.”
“No.”
“It’s okay. I’m covered. It’s all being worked out. But youhave to understand what is going to happen. They’re going to come to me, thepolice. They’re probably going to charge me. People are going to think I’m akiller. It’s going to be tough for you. But I’m going to be okay. I’m not goingto prison. You’ll have to trust me on that. It’s going to be hard.”
“Because you went to his house?” Jessica’s face deterioratesinto tears. “Mother,” she manages, her voice breaking, “what did you do there?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to tell you anything else.You can’t know what’s going on, Jess. You can’t. You have to trust me. Youtrust me, don’t you?”
“I-of course.”
“Okay. Did you-have you spoken to anyone tonight? Make anycalls or anything like-”
“No,” she says. “I’ve been sitting here freaked out. Youwere gone so long.”
“I know, baby. I’m sorry.” She motions to the house. “Wehave to get back inside. Now, listen. I’m going to tell you inside, for thebenefit of whoever’s listening, that I killed Sam. Just refuse to believe it.That’s fine. We’ll talk for a few minutes, then you’ll go to bed. Try to sleep,Jess. I promise you we’re going to be fine. Then, in the morning, you have toleave. You have to leave and not come back to this house until this thing isover. You can’t speak to your dad about this, either. I’m going to talk to him,okay? But you can’t. When this is over, you’ll understand why.”
Jessica looks back at the house. “We have to go in,” shesays.
“Yes.” Allison steers her daughter, whispers in her ear.“This is going to turn out fine, Jess,” she promises.
ONE DAY EARLIER…
Secrets. She lived with them for over a decade, maybe sincethe day she and Mat married, though she cannot rewind and know this. She didnot love him. She did not love the man she spent over twenty years with, withwhom she had a daughter.
Secrets never stay secret. She couldn’t live with itforever, and once Jessica was in college, it seemed the time.
And secrets, now, with Sam. An ethical dilemma, he saidtwice over the phone during the last week, but he wouldn’t elaborate. Wouldn’teven discuss it with her face to face.
A secret. Sam wouldn’t tell her.
And neither had she told him. A secret. Probably the samesecret. She knows, too.
The FBI already seems to know. They have already seizedMat’s bank records. Mat told her-in the way he does-over dinner, in January.They had promised to do it, to see each other, to keep in touch. Mat oftendrank too much but really overdid it on that occasion.
They think I bribed some senators, he said, spitting out thewords as if they were poison.
It didn’t take Einstein to fill in the gaps. It had been abig victory for Mat, when he got that bill out of the Senate last year, theprescription-drug bill. A big but controversial victory, involving a suddenvote change on the part of three different senators. That kind ofbehind-the-scenes arm-twisting might look bad to the public, but it makeslegends out of lobbyists. Mat was a big winner in that deal.
Allison had noticed it when they were settling up on thedivorce in December, a month earlier. Several large withdrawals from their bankaccount. About thirty thousand dollars, withdrawn in cash, over the lastseveral months. She decided that she wouldn’t care, wouldn’t mention it. Maybehe had a mistress. Maybe he was trying to protect himself financially, stealingfrom the pot before it was divided up. She didn’t know and she didn’t care. Shehad plenty of her own money. If a peaceful resolution of the marriage cost herthirty thousand, it was the best money she had ever spent.
She didn’t know Mat was putting the cash in the hands ofstate legislators.
An ethical dilemma, Sam told her, twice in the last week,over the phone. He wouldn’t elaborate. A secret. He must have known.
She had the same secret, and neither of them wanted to tellthe other because of who was involved.
Allison closes the book she’s reading. She’s hungry. It’sjust after seven in the evening and she hasn’t eaten all day. Her stomach is inrevolt.
Oh, she was so stupid, overreacting like a schoolgirl. Samwas admiring Jessica at the party, and she drives all the way down to thecapital to make Sam fire her? Even accuses him of sleeping with Jess?
She had connected the three things like a paranoid, insecurechild. Her daughter’s comment, that she was interested in a guy at work and Allisonwouldn’t approve. Sam’s mention of an ethical dilemma. And then Sam’s look atJessica at that party.
She covers her face with a hand. She wishes she could wipeyesterday off the calendar. Just remove Friday, February the sixth from thebooks, and explain to her daughter in a thoughtful, mature way that the man forwhom she is carrying a torch is actually Mommy’s boyfriend now.
She’ll do it. She’ll call Sam and apologize for her childishbehavior.
She’ll talk to Jessica and explain everything.
