Two Brothers

for himself and which he had now given to her.

‘Everybody needs Mum,’ Paulus went on, ‘so of course Mum tries to get to everybody. You know her. She’ll try and mend every broken head in Berlin.’

‘Why aren’t you out with her?’ Otto demanded angrily. ‘She’s alone, you should be protecting her.’

‘What sort of protection do you think I’d be? None. In fact, worse than none. Much worse,’ Paulus replied. ‘They’re targeting young Jewish men, that’s plain, they’re literally pulling in any they find and throwing them into trucks. We’ve heard of twenty at least taken in this neighbourhood. They’ve come knocking here twice but I lay low and the neighbour said I was out.

‘I still say you should have gone with Mum.’

‘Ottsy. It would have put her in more danger.’

‘All the same—’

‘All the same nothing!’ Paulus snapped. ‘Ottsy! I thought maybe you’d grown up! You’ve obviously just grown muscles. There’s no glory in being a dead hero. You have to think. We need to think now. We need to decide what to do about Dagmar. I’m presuming she can’t go back to her house tonight?’

‘Or ever,’ Dagmar said without looking up.

In answer to his questioning glance, Otto explained what had happened that evening. Struggling in vain to find a way to mitigate the shocking and terrible news.

When he had finished Paulus did not know what to say. He opened his mouth but no sound came.

‘Don’t worry about my mum, Pauly,’ Dagmar said, her voice still seeming to come from inside a grave. ‘It’s as bad for living Jews in this city as it is for the dead ones. Besides, it’s just a matter of time for all of us anyway, isn’t it?’

This was a subject on which Paulus could find words.

‘No, Dagmar,’ he said, ‘that’s not true. There’ll be better times, I swear it, just you wait.’

It was Otto who replied to this.

‘Wait? Wait?’ he snarled. ‘All we ever do is wait and what good has it done us? We need to do something.’

‘Same old Otto eh?’ Paulus said. ‘What are you going to do? Mug another SA man? Somehow I think we’re a bit beyond that.’

‘Don’t worry, Pauly,’ Otto replied fiercely. ‘I’ve got a better plan than beating one of them up.’

‘Oh yeah? And what is it?’

Otto had been sitting on his father’s old piano stool but now he stood up and stared for a moment at Paulus.

‘I’m going to kill Himmler,’ he said.

‘Kill Himmler?’

‘That’s right.’

‘Otto,’ Paulus said aghast, ‘it was killing one of them that started tonight’s pogrom.’

‘You think so?’ Otto replied with a sneer. ‘I don’t. They were just waiting for an excuse, they’d have easily found another.’

‘Yeah, OK but—’

‘But nothing! It’s time we started to fight back, Pauly. I can’t see any other way of this ending. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’m going to finish school next month and guess what? They’re going to have a passing-out ceremony and it’s a big one too because we’re the first graduation class. Himmler is going to be there.’

‘Himmler himself?’

‘That’s right. Black Heinrich, head of the SS. The whole school’s basically an SS project and he’s going to give a speech. I reckon if I get hold of a gun from the armoury and sneak it into the passing-out parade I can nail the bastard. Do you hear me? I could kill Himmler!’

‘Otto!’ Paulus snapped. ‘What are you talking about? You can’t do that!’

‘Give me one good reason why not.’

‘I’ll give you the best reason there is — Dagmar.’

‘Dagmar?’

They both looked down at the girl they loved. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. Seemingly lost in her own thoughts.

‘Of course Dagmar,’ Paulus hissed. ‘Even if you did manage to do what you want to do — which you wouldn’t by the way — you’d get caught for sure and then what would happen to her?’

Otto nodded slowly and sank back down on to the piano stool.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘I suppose that’s true.’

‘Of course it is. You’re her one chance, Otts. Her very best shot at making it. It’s the same situation as it was two years ago when you started taking her out to the Olympics and stuff. You’re a German. A Napola boy no less. You’re going to go into the army. If things keep getting worse and she has to hide, you’ll be better placed to hide her than any Jew ever could. You’re a German, Otts, you have papers, you can do things. Buy things. Travel. Dag needs you. You can’t save all the Jews, but you can maybe save the one that matters most to us.’

Otto looked once more at Dagmar. She was staring into her drink. He wasn’t even sure if she was listening.

‘Yes,’ he said contritely. ‘Of course. You’re right. I didn’t think of it like that.’

‘Well think about it now,’ Paulus urged. ‘You might have to get her false papers, Otts, a new identity, God knows what. You’ll need to keep a clean, a very clean slate while you’re in the army and study hard—’

‘Study?’

‘Yes, so you can try and get an office desk, which will be safer for you and you’ll have access to official stamps and passes and—’

‘Wow, Pauly,’ Otto said, taken aback. ‘You’ve got it all planned out.’

‘I have to, Ottsy. I have to have it planned,’ Paulus replied, and it almost sounded as if he was pleading with his brother. ‘I need to know that you’re ready. That you’re thinking straight. I was going to find a way of seeing you to discuss all this soon anyway. You see, I’m going, Otts. I’m leaving.’

It turned out that Dagmar had been listening after all because at this she looked up.

‘You’re leaving?’ she said. ‘Oh, Pauly.’

‘Mum’s managed to get me a place in England, to live and to study. I have the visas I need.’

‘When?’

‘Some time in the New Year. I want to graduate from school of course, but by the spring for sure.’

Otto and Dagmar were both deeply shocked.

‘Is Mum going too?’ Otto asked.

‘You know she won’t leave her patients. She says we’re big boys now and don’t need her any more but every day a new baby is born who does.’

Quite suddenly Dagmar began crying. She tried to stop herself but couldn’t.

‘You’re so lucky, Pauly,’ she sobbed. ‘They won’t give me or Mum a visa because of what Dad did. They’ve been watching us, warning us not to try to…’

Her words trailed away and she sobbed more deeply. Clearly only remembering as the sentence ended that her mother was now dead.

Paulus looked utterly wretched.

‘Oh, Dags,’ he said. ‘You know that if there was one single way I could help you by staying, I would. But I’m a Jew too. I can’t go anywhere. I can’t do anything. Every Jew is a liability. To themselves and to those who care about them. With me out of the way Ottsy can focus absolutely on you and you alone. That’s all that matters to me. You’re all that matters to either of us.’

‘He’s right, Dags,’ Otto said. ‘It makes sense.’

Paulus turned once more to Otto. ‘It’s all down to you, Otts. And that’s why before I go I have to know. I absolutely have to have your solemn promise that you’ll look after Dagmar.’

Otto bridled at once. His fists clenched.