Reaping Me Softly

Arianne did a quick face check on the mirror of the sun visor. No more dark circles and gaunt cheeks. Ben had pulled out of the parking space in a calm-before-the-storm sort of way. Now with helium limbs and oxygenated lungs, Arianne worried the skirt of her dress.

“What’s between you and Niko Clark? He had his hands all over you throughout the memorial,” Ben said tightly.

“Nothing that you and Carrie wouldn’t do,” she fired back.

Ben pulled over to the side of the road and killed the engine. He twisted so he came face to face with Arianne. Shock, then surprise, then understanding flew across his features.

“Yesterday.” He opted out of the staring contest by dropping his gaze. “That’s why you never came by.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Anger, unexpected, rose up from the depths of her heart. Her plans of calmly confronting Ben about his secret relationship with Carrie flew out the window.

“Carrie didn’t want anyone to know.”

“I’m not anyone, Ben!”

“Especially you.”

That hurt. “Why?”

Ben handed her a handkerchief he’d fished out of his jacket pocket. She slapped his offering away then thought better of it. She grabbed the cloth and blew into it with relish. Then she used the clean side to plug the leak that dripped from her eye corners.

Undaunted, Ben soldiered on. “Ari, Carrie didn’t want anyone worrying more about her than they already are. Especially you. If she doesn’t make it—”

“How can you think that?”

“Not my thoughts. It’s Carrie’s.”

Arianne’s eyes hurt before she realized she’d been stretching their lids wide open. “Why would she think that?”

Ben massaged the back of his neck. “She says she’s being realistic. But I don’t buy it for a second.”

“How long have you two been together?”

“I love her, Ari,” he said, barely above a heartrending whisper. “There are days when I tell myself I should savor every moment I have with her, but there are also days when I’m so angry that I want to beat someone up. Then I realized what I’m really angry about is a sickness that’s out of my control.” A muscle on his cheek jumped as he let his tears fall. “I don’t want her to die.”

Arianne gave him the comfort of her arms. “Take me to Saint Joseph’s.”

Throughout the ride, Arianne let her anger seethe. She did her best to comfort Ben, realizing the person she really wanted to confront was Carrie. She didn’t wait for Ben to kill the engine before she rushed out of his truck and ran full tilt to her sister’s room. Several nurses called out to remind her about the no running policy in the hospital, but Arianne didn’t listen. She turned a corner and sped down the hall just as Mila wheeled Carrie out of her room.

“Ari?” Carrie looked up. “What are you doing here?”

Arianne skidded to a stop and addressed Mila. “I need to talk to Carrie for a sec.”

Mila shook her head. “She’s due for her tests. Your mom actually just stepped out to grab lunch.”

“Mila, please.” Arianne grabbed at the wheelchair, prepared not to let go until she had her way.

“Mila—” Carrie reached behind her and squeezed the nurse’s hand “—will you give us a couple of minutes?”

“But you’ll be late for your tests,” Mila insisted.

Carrie brought out the big guns by smiling like a supernova. “Please? You can have whoever is after me go first. I don’t mind waiting.”

The nurse looked from Carrie to Arianne, her eyebrows knitted together in consternation. Her mistake was to return her gaze to Carrie, who’d redoubled her smiling efforts. Mila’s stern expression melted until her lips finally relaxed. She backed up into the room and parked Carrie beside the bed.

“I’ll be back in ten minutes,” she said, followed by a finger wag. “No more.”

“Thank you, Mila,” Carrie said.

Arianne waited for Mila to leave the room before she crossed her arms. Ben finally caught up with her. He bent over and clutched his knees, sucking in large quantities of air.

“For a baseball player, you’re pretty out of shape,” Arianne said.

“I’m not panting because I’m winded,” Ben replied in between breaths. “Give your sister a break, Ari.”

“Ben?” Carrie’s voice sounded so small. Concern took over the calm in her expression.

He moved to her side and lowered himself to his knees. “I’m so sorry, love.”

Carrie touched Ben’s cheek with a trembling hand before she focused her attention on Arianne. “You can’t tell Mom or Dad.”

“And why not?” Arianne felt her ire rise as heat in her throat. “You know it’s not fair to Ben that you’re leading him on this way. Jesus, Carrie!”

“Ari!” Ben stood, a gladiator ready to defend.

Carrie clutched at his suit sleeve before he could move. He looked down at her and she shook her head. “It’s okay,” she said to him. “I can handle this.”

He melted into the bedside chair and waited.

“Of course it’s not okay, Carrie,” Arianne said. “What the hell are you thinking?”

“That I want to live the rest of the life I have left happy,” Carrie said. “I didn’t want anyone to know because I wanted to keep a little something to myself. My life is about being poked and prodded on a daily basis. Countless doctors and nurses have seen every part of me and more. I wanted a secret, a treasure that I could keep close to my chest that would get me through the hard days. The days when hope jumps out the window.” Crystalline tears glistened down the too tight skin of Carrie’s face. “You’re not angry because I didn’t tell you.”

“So you’re saying you know why I’m here like a fire breathing dragon ready to tear heads off?” Of their own volition, Arianne’s legs brought her steps closer to where Carrie and Ben sat.

“I’m your sister. Of course I know why you’re angry.” Carrie raised her arms and spread them wide. “I’m sorry that I can’t be that girl who used to climb trees or jump into the lake with you, Ari.”

Shaky knees buckling, Arianne folded into the arms of her sister. She snaked her own arms around Carrie’s thin waist and sobbed into her hospital gown. “I’m selfish.”

“Of course you are.” Carrie stroked the red strands of Arianne’s hair.

“I wanted you all to myself.”

“Of course you do. But that doesn’t mean we can’t let Ben in, right?”

Arianne looked up at her saint of a sister. Their tears mirrored one another. “But he’s in so much pain,” she said.

Carrie stared into Arianne’s eyes and said, “We all are. But that doesn’t mean we should deprive ourselves of being happy.”

Ben stood up and brought both his girls into the shelter of his wide reach. “Can we stop the waterworks now?” he asked.

Both Carrie and Arianne laughed through the last drops of rain. Like wind blowing through a storm, the heavy clouds in the room parted to let the sunlight in. Arianne smiled as Carrie kissed Ben on the cheek.

That evening, all dry-eyed, Arianne lay beside Ben on his back lawn. They held hands, stargazing. The vastness of the sky blanketed everything around them. Crickets played their Ode to the Stars in B minor.

“When did you and Niko Clark happen?” Ben asked.

“You don’t have to keep calling him by his whole name, you know.” A shooting star of a smile crossed her lips.

“But he’s not human, right?”

“Yup.”

“Do you already know what he is?”

“Still working on that.”