constructed of bitterness and pain. Relief warred with a sense of inexplicable loss as he watched the transformation. He knew then that the R'shiel he had known was gone forever. In her place was a hard, determined and powerful young woman who would never let anyone close to her again.
As she turned and slowly walked down the stairs away from him, Tarja felt he was staring at a stranger.
CHAPTER 43
For a long time, R'shiel walked blindly through the deserted streets of the Citadel, paying no attention to where she was going. She was calm - even serene - uncaring of the light rain that fell softly on the glistening cobblestones. Her mind did not seethe with grief for her loss, or rail at the tragedy of unrequited love. She was numb; totally devoid of any human emotion that could rise up and cause her anguish.
R'shiel wondered if this was what it felt like to be fully Harshini.
After a while, she discovered that her wandering had led her to the Lesser Hall of the Citadel. Without any conscious decision, she climbed the steps and pulled open the massive bronze door, letting it swing shut behind her with a hollow boom that echoed through the empty darkness. Night was trapped within its walls, the whitewashed ceiling lost in the shadows. She tried to recall the picture Brak had painted in her mind of the Great Hall, the Temple of the Gods, when it had dazzled the world with its glory and wondered if this smaller temple once dedicated to the Goddess of Love had been just as impressive. She could not do it. The Lesser Hall was nothing more than a big, cavernous room with no life or beauty to recommend it.
“Why, Kalianah?” she asked the darkness.
A pillar of light pierced the shadows as she named the goddess. Assuming the form of a child, the Goddess of Love crossed her arms and glared at her. R'shiel stared at the goddess, oblivious to the aura of adoration that surrounded the pale little girl whose feet hovered just above the ground.
“Why?”
“Don't you know that it's extremely ill mannered to summon the gods as if they were —”
“Why did you make Tarja fall in love with me?”
“Oh!” the Goddess said with the guilty air of a child caught playing with something she was forbidden to touch. “That.”
“Yes,
“I was only trying to help.”
“You're supposed to be the Goddess of Love. How can you cause such pain?”
“Well, whose fault is
“How?”
“You asked the demons to substitute for Tarja's blood. How was I supposed to know what you were planning?”
“You sent Dace with a message, reminding me I could use the demons to heal him.”
“Yes, but I didn't expect you to use them like that! Any Harshini could have told you something like that would break my geas.”
“Perhaps they would have, if they'd known about it.”
“Well, Brak certainly knew. He was there when I did it. Why don't you ask him why he didn't say anything?”
The news surprised her. He had never warned her, never even hinted that something was amiss.
“I want your promise, Kalianah, that you will never,
“You can have that!” she sniffed indignantly. “If this is what you call gratitude, I'll never even think of trying to help you again. Then you'll see how hard it is to love anybody without my blessing!”
“I don't want to love anybody, Kalianah, so I don't mind at all.”
Kalianah's eyes narrowed and she began to change form. A tall, fair-haired young woman suddenly took the place of the little girl.
“You can live without love?” the goddess asked. “Is that what you think? You might be able to tame the God of War with your meddling, R'shiel, but my power is beyond your reach.”
“What makes you think I'm trying to tame the God of War?”
“I am not blind, demon child. Hythria and Fardohnya are united for the first time in centuries. Zegarnald already grows weaker. But don't think that by hardening your heart you can do the same to the Goddess of Love. Humans prosper without war. They will shrivel and die without me.”
“Do you personally take a hand in every romance? Do you make every mother love her child, every man love his brother?”
“Of course not!”
“Then why do they need you?”
“They need the hope I represent.”
“What hope?” she demanded. “You're a spoiled, petulant child who helps or hinders the course of love on nothing more than impulse. You interfere because you can, Kalianah, not because some human petitioned you for aid and you found his cause worthy.”
Kalianah was incapable of real anger, but she was as close to it as her essence allowed. “Your task is to destroy Xaphista, demon child, not impose your own atheist bigotry on the rest of us. Do what you are destined for and leave the Primal Gods to do what we are meant for.”
“And once I've destroyed Xaphista, what then?”
The goddess looked away, unable to meet her eye. “That is not for me to decide.”
“You decide who will love me easily enough.”
“It is not for me to decide,” Kalianah insisted stubbornly. “And you should not waste time dwelling on such things. You must turn your attention to Xaphista. If you devoted as much time to defeating him as you do to making things difficult for the Primal Gods, he'd be as weak as a newborn pup by now.”
“Xaphista will weaken.”
“Not in your lifetime,” Kalianah scoffed. “You have to tackle the core of his power, not nibble at the edges like a terrier trying to chew up a mountain. If you don't, then the moment Xaphista realises what you're doing, he will fight back with every iota of power at his disposal.”
“Then what do you suggest I do,
“If I knew that, demon child, I would have done something about Xaphista myself!”
Kalianah vanished, plunging the hall back into darkness. R'shiel stood unmoving, staring at the space where she had been. Something Kalianah said bothered her, but the thought was too elusive to grasp. Something about tackling the core of Xaphista's power...
With a flash of inspiration, R'shiel knew what she had to do. Kalan had given her the first inkling in Greenharbour. She had no idea exactly
R'shiel pounded on Brak's door until he opened it.
“What is it? Have you found Loclon?”
“There's something I need to ask you.”
“Do you have any idea what time it is, R'shiel?”
