“Smells great,” Julie says. “This is fine. I’ll have to hold on to this Snapple, though. Otherwise, no problems. Enjoy your lunch!”
The Snapple is in a glass bottle.
Isabel leads her mother back outside.
“Let’s sit over here, away from the building a little.” Isabel points to two Adirondack chairs several yards away under a maple tree.
“Can we do that?” Katherine looks around nervously. “Is it okay?”
“Mom, I can go anywhere on the grounds so long as I sign out and check in at the nurses’ station every half hour, okay?”
“That’s great!” Katherine tries to sound super enthusiastic.
“The food looks great.” Isabel, too, is trying to smooth out the tension between them.
“Now, Isabel,” Katherine begins in a tone that only mothers can effect, “don’t get mad at me, but I brought a lot extra in case anyone else is hungry. Maybe your friends…” She trails off, looking at Isabel hopefully.
“My friends? The other patients, you mean?”
“The other patients, yes. Do you think that’d be okay?”
“Isabel? Where’s Lark—she go to the bathroom or something?” Julie is consulting her clipboard in front of the Adirondack chairs.
“How should I know?”
“She’s not having lunch with you and your mother?”
“No. Why?”
“Could she join us?” Katherine looks eagerly at Isabel and then addresses Julie. “Please join us as well, dear, we have more than enough food….”
“Julie? What’s up?”
“She signed herself out on the board as having lunch with you two and I’m a little late on my checks.” Julie wheels around before finishing her sentence and runs back into the unit.
“I’ll be right back,” Isabel tells her mother as she heads toward the unit.
“Okay!” Katherine calls after her. “But please invite your friends to come join us for lunch if they can! It’s good Chinese chicken salad!”
Back in the unit the nurses have scattered and are simultaneously going door to door, calling out names louder than usual. Isabel stands to the side of the nurses’ station.
“I’ll call central.” “We need to fan.” “Who did the last check?” The nurses and orderlies are talking all at once. Within a minute, security is on the premises.
“Isabel? Can we help you?” Julie asks distractedly, knowing Isabel is there for voyeuristic reasons.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Well, then, we’ll need you to clear out of this area for now, to make some room.”
“I’m worried about Lark,” Isabel says.
“Lark? What’s wrong with Lark this time?” Ben stumbles around the corner so quickly that Isabel almost tumbles backward.
“Nothing’s wrong with Lark,” the nurses answer in unison while trying to usher Isabel and Ben and Melanie, who has walked up with an inquisitive look on her face, out of the way. But trying to shoo Ben away is like trying to move an elephant with a fly swatter.
Isabel remembers her mother and turns to go back outside. Melanie evaporates as quickly as she materialized and Ben lumbers back into the living room.
“Sorry about that, Mom,” Isabel says as she drops back into the chair a minute later. “Lark’s a patient. A…
Katherine looks alarmed. “Does that happen often? People wandering off?”
“No. They’re pretty strict about checking our whereabouts all the time. This is the weekend, though, so that’s probably why it lapsed. They’ll find her.”
“Ah.”
“Mom? Remember how you were asking me on the phone this week about my treatment and I told you I’d tell you when you came to visit?”
“I’ve thought of little else.” Katherine gives up her attempt at nonchalance and is now perched daintily on the edge of her seat.
“There’s no easy way to answer that question except to just spit it out. So here goes—I had electroshock treatment.”
Katherine is quiet.
“Mom? Say something. Say anything.”
Katherine is looking out to the woods beyond the unit. She clears her throat. “I must say I never thought I’d have a daughter who would have to have something like that done to her.” She says the word
“They made me do it.” Isabel is defensive. “My doctors said it is the best thing for me.”
“Is it? Is it the best thing?”
“I…I don’t know.” Isabel is trying to find words.
“Doesn’t this all go on your record? Oh, my Lord, anyone can access your medical records, Isabel. Anyone.”
“It’s not like I’ve committed some crime, Mom.” Isabel shakes her head.
Katherine looks at her daughter. “I just never thought my little girl—”
Isabel speaks up before her mother finishes: “I’m not your little girl anymore, Mom,” she says. Katherine looks away again. “I’m not this happy little girl who does everything that’s expected of her.”
Silence.
“Look at me, Mom!” Isabel pleads with Katherine. “I’ve screwed everything up. My marriage is over….”
Katherine winces. “Don’t say that…you two could still work things out….”
“It’s over. And maybe that’s for the best. My job’s on the line—in fact I’d be surprised if I still have a job after that whole—”
“They’d be lucky to have you!” Katherine interrupts again.
“Mom! Listen to me. I’m trying to tell you…I’m trying to show you who I am. You can’t seem to see me for who I really am. You want me to be perfect.”
“Is that so bad? For a mother to want a perfect life for her daughter? Do the doctors here program you to blame everything on your parents? Talk about your cliches, darling.”
“Oh, give me a break, Mom. I’m not blaming you for anything and you know that. It’s just that I wanted to be perfect for you. But I’m not perfect. And here I am.” Isabel opens her arms across like a hostess on
Katherine looks hard at Isabel. Then she looks at her own hands. “What do you want me to say?”
“Just tell me why.”
“Why?”
“Why is it so important for me to be perfect? What’s in it for you?”
“I don’t think I like your tone, Isabel Murphy.”
“Just tell me—” she pushes harder “—why does my success mean so much to you?”
“That’s bad syntax, dear,” Katherine says, adjusting her Hermes scarf. “Honestly, I don’t know what they taught you in college.”
“Mother! Are you even listening to me?”
