“Have you seen my baby?” A disheveled girl accosts Isabel minutes after she walks back into the unit, shoving a tattered picture at her.
“Huh?” Isabel steps back.
“My baby. Look at my baby.” The girl slurs her words as she sways her considerable weight from one leg to the other. She looks like she is fifteen years old.
Isabel glances at the photo. “Cute. You new here?”
“Isn’t she an angel?” The young mother ignores Isabel’s question and teeters off toward the main door. “She’s my precious baby.” Before she reaches for the horizontal bar that, when pressed, opens the metal door, the nurse, who has been following behind her, steps in front of it.
“Cindy, you can’t go outside. Back to your room now.”
Isabel watches the obviously heavily drugged new girl stagger back to her room.
“Did you see Nick?” Kristen had become too impatient waiting outside.
“Oh, um, no. I was just talking to that new girl…the one who’s in Keisha’s room. I haven’t gotten to the dry erase board yet.”
Kristen is already off, wandering the halls for her secret beau. Isabel watches her make way for Cindy, who is also wandering, weaving uncertainly.
“Hi!” the new girl calls after Kristen. “Have you seen my baby?”
Kristen does not even glance over her shoulder.
“Everyone, this is Cindy.” Larry speaks loudly to get the group’s attention. “She is joining us for the first time today.”
“Hi, Cindy,” Melanie chirps.
Cindy smiles groggily. “I was wondering if everyone here has seen my baby.” She looks down and seems surprised to find that her own fist is clutching her cherished photo, crumpling it. She stares into her lap and appears to will her fist to release the picture—to no avail.
“Why don’t you tell us a little about your baby girl, Cindy,” Larry suggests as he settles back into his chair, crossing his arms against his chest.
“Her name is Angel,” Cindy dreamily considers the assembled group.
“Where is she now, Cindy?” Larry asks.
“Now?” Cindy seems confused by the question.
“Where is Angel now?”
“Hmm,” Cindy’s thinks. “Let’s see…” As her mind trails off, she turns to gaze out the window and then upward toward the sky.
“Cindy?”
Isabel studies Cindy’s tangled hair, her bad complexion and her pudgy arms.
“Yeah?” She slowly turns her head back toward the sound of Larry’s voice and then appears to remember the question. “Oh, yes. Angel. She’s in heaven now.”
Silence.
“How did she get there?” Larry asks. Isabel shifts in her seat without taking her eyes off Cindy.
“Huh?” Cindy seems bewildered again.
“Do you remember what happened last week?” Larry hints.
“Last week…”
“You were found holding your baby in a plastic bag. Do you remember that, Cindy?”
Ben moans and Melanie starts to cry. Cindy contemplates the sky again.
“Angel suffocated to death, Cindy. Maybe you could tell us a little bit about that,” Larry says, continuing to prod his new patient. She seems incapable of listening.
“You with us, Cindy?”
“Not really.” She smiles at Larry.
“Okay. Well.” He looks at his fingernails. He surveys the room and then he takes in a deep breath and releases it.
“Did you kill your baby, Cindy?” Ben startles the group with his angry question. He is glowering at the new girl.
Cindy cocks her head to one side but continues to stare at the sky.
“I’m talking to you, Cindy!” Ben shouts. “Did you kill your baby?”
“Ben, let’s calm down a bit, okay?” Larry stands up and walks across the room toward Ben.
“I can’t calm down, Larry.” Ben’s face is the color of a Christmas scarf. “I just want to know. Did she kill her baby?”
Larry hesitates and then turns abruptly to address the newcomer.
“Cindy, Ben is asking you a question.”
“Angel belonged with other angels,” Cindy says softly, her eyes never wavering from the clouds. “I wanted her to be with the other angels.”
“What the fuck does that mean, Larry?” Ben demands. “Does that mean it’s okay for her to kill her baby?”
“Beyond the obvious reason, why is this touching such a nerve with you, Ben?”
“Because it just is, Larry. Does she think it’s okay to kill her baby? She doesn’t even seem upset about it. She thinks it’s okay to kill her baby or something. What’s going on?”
“Cindy? Would you like to talk to Ben, here? He’s got some questions he seems to want answers to. Can you help us out?” Larry tries again to pull Cindy back from outer space.
Cindy whispers, “I just wanted her to be free.”
“What about the baby’s father?” Ben asks, his voice cracking. “Did you even think about him? What about the baby’s father?”
“Okay, Ben, that’s enough,” Larry cautions.
Cindy crosses her arms and slowly rocks her body back and forth in her chair. Ben is steaming; the group is spellbound. Cindy starts to suck her thumb.
“Let’s move on,” Larry says as he pulls an empty chair into the middle of the circle. “Ben? Why don’t we talk about what you’re feeling right now. What if you direct what you have to say to Cindy to the chair instead.”
“What I’m feeling right now?”
“Yes.”
“Pissed off. I feel pissed off, Larry. I mean, this girl comes in and talks about killing her baby like it’s okay to do that, you know? Doesn’t that piss you off?” Ben addresses the rest of the group.
“Doesn’t anybody else see that this is fucked up?” he asks again.
“I do.” Tear-streaked Melanie throws support to her friend.
“Ben, in this group we try to talk without judgment,” Larry says. “Can you see that you’re passing judgment on Cindy right now? Maybe we can instead figure out what bothers you the most about Cindy’s situation. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I guess,” Ben sulks. “It bothers me that she didn’t want her baby. That she thought she could just throw her away or something. Like trash.”
Cindy is gazing at Ben.
“A baby’s not trash, Larry! You don’t throw a baby away just because it’s not easy for you! You can’t do that.”
“Does that remind you of anything, Ben?”
With the back of his hand Ben wipes away the spittle that invariably forms in the corners of his mouth.
“My mom used to say that she wanted to throw me away and start over. She used to tell me that all the
