Chapter 49
Aurora Highlands, Virginia
Wilson wasn’t wondering if he was depressed; he knew he was depressed beyond any reasonable doubt. For the first time in his career he actually thought about sticking his service pistol in his mouth and ending his misery. It was a short-lived thought, as Wilson couldn’t bear to think of the mess it would leave behind. And if he somehow screwed it up, which based on his current run of bad luck, he would, there was a better than ever chance that he’d end up crippled in an institution for the rest of his life watching the world go by and not be able to communicate a single thought. No, Wilson decided, if he was going to commit suicide, he would take pills.
Ferris must have sensed his desperation because he had one of his aides call tell him that he’d meet him on their street corner at 10:00 p.m. sharp. Now Wilson found himself in the front hall of his house for the second night in a row, getting ready to do something he didn’t like with a dog he didn’t particularly care for. He poked his head into the office and said, “I’m going to take Rose out for a walk.”
Sally turned away from the computer screen. “Are you sure? I’d be more than happy to do it.”
Wilson hadn’t told her about his monumentally horseshit day. He couldn’t bear the thought of her judging him. There would be so many questions. She had told him once not long ago that she loved him very much, but that he couldn’t be right all the time. Any conversation about today’s events would eventually lead to that place and she would look right through him and ask how it was that Director Miller, who had a reputation as a fair and honest person, could be so wrong. And then she would dig deeper and he’d have to tell her that not a single person had stood up for him. She would seize on that as proof that the majority had ruled and he was wrong. Wilson could not take having that conversation, not tonight and probably never.
“No,” he told her, “I need to clear my head.”
“You’ve been awfully quiet. You don’t want to talk about the meeting?”
“No… I need to sort a few things out.”
“I’m always here if you want to talk.” She stood, walked over, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You’re a good man, Joel.”
“Thank you. I’m lucky to have you.”
“Yes, you are.” She brushed his cheek with the back of her hand and then walked him to the door.
Moving down the front walk took great effort. It was if his feet were carrying him to a place he did not want to go. As they turned up the block, a gust of wind hit him the face and Wilson shivered, clutching at his jacket and turning his collar up. He felt cold and vulnerable, and he didn’t like it. Rose led the way and Wilson followed at a sluggish pace. When he reached his corner he didn’t even notice the Lincoln Town Car until the driver flashed his lights. Lewis sighed and braced himself for what he assumed was going to be a lame pep talk from the blowhard senior senator from Connecticut. After opening the rear door, he picked up Rose under her belly and tossed her into the backseat. She and Ferris were welcome to have their little love affair.
Ferris grabbed the dog and pulled her onto his lap. He scratched her neck while saying, “I heard today didn’t go so well.”
Wilson tugged at his jacket. “It was a complete fucking disaster.”
“Must you be so vulgar?”
“You have to be shitting me. You expect me to believe that you don’t swear when you’re angry?”
Ferris shook his head in a slow, disapproving manner. “There was a time, but I’ve learned it does no good.”
“Well, you have a day like I had today and then you can fucking lecture me about swearing.” Wilson looked out the window at the passing brownstones. “Do you know exactly how bad it was?”
“I don’t have any details other than the fact that you’ve been placed on administrative leave.”
“Do you know what that means?”
“It typically means that you continue to get paid while an independent panel decides if you’ve committed enough wrongdoing to be fired.”
“Maybe in your normal government job, but not at the FBI. Administrative leave is a mark so black you can kiss your entire career good-bye.”
“That’s one way to look at it.”
“It’s the only way to look at it. Three of my direct bosses were in that meeting, and in their eyes I’m done.”
“Well, they’re not the only people who matter in this town.”
Wilson balled his fists in frustration. “You don’t get it. They’ve already determined that this bullshit with the Swiss banker is an attempt by a hostile foreign intelligence agency to
destabilize the CIA.”
“I don’t believe that,” Ferris scoffed.
“They sounded pretty convinced, and to really make sure I understood they brought Kennedy into the meeting. Do you know what she did?”
“No.”
“She pulled out a copy of my national security nondisclosure document and threw it in my face. Told me if I so much as talked to anyone about any of this she’d make sure I went to jail.”
“She’s bluffing. They’re all bluffing because they’re scared.”
“And Miller doesn’t get scared. He’s been running the FBI for four years, and he might be a lot of things, but a shrinking violet is not one of them. If he thought this stuff on Rapp and Rickman was legit, he would go after them until they were behind bars. He’s seen something. Somebody showed him something that convinced him all of this information is bullshit.”
“Probably falsified by Kennedy. She’s not afraid to operate that way. How do you think she holds on to power?”
A thought slapped Wilson in the face and he turned to Ferris and asked, “Where did you get your information about Rapp and Rickman?”
“From a very well-placed source.”
“Sure you did. Who’s the source?”
“I don’t like your tone,” Ferris said with a steely stare.
A crazy laugh rumbled up from Wilson’s bowels. “That’s the best you can do? You get me all worked up and I jump on this for you and now my career is in the toilet and the best you can do is tell me you don’t like my tone? Well, fuck you very much, Senator.”
The senator’s face flushed with anger. He was clearly not used to anyone speaking to him in this way, let alone a public servant. “Joe, I can help you, but you need to trust me and you need to keep your calm. Good God, man! I thought you were a professional. This is the first quarter of this little game and you’re acting like it’s over.”
“Well, from where I’m sitting, it pretty much is over.”
“It is not, and get hold of yourself.” Ferris tossed the dog back onto Wilson’s lap. “I have yet to hold a single hearing. When I do, Kennedy is going to have to answer a lot of questions and you will be my star witness. She will regret the day she threw that document in your face.”
Wilson wrestled with the dog. “How can you be so sure?”
“As I’ve told you, I have my sources. You need to trust me.”
Wilson shook his head. “You’re going to have to do better than that. I’m the one drowning here, while you’re sitting on the lido deck sucking down some fruity drink. I need some reassurances. Part of my review is going to be a lot of questions about how I was pointed in this direction… questions that will eventually lead to you. At this point, you want me to play ball I need some confidence that I will be proven right.”
Ferris rubbed his index finger along his lips while he thought about it. After a few seconds he said, “I cannot tell you who my source is, but he is a very high-ranking government official of one our staunchest allies. Someone of impeccable character.”
“Will this person testify if called on?”
“God, no. Don’t be a fool. That’s not how this works.”
“So I’m the only person who’s putting his career on the line? This other person gets to make accusations and
