The Liar

was very pleasant, very relaxing; a bath for the brain. He heard too, quite clearly, the real external sound of Trefusis pressing a button on the device behind him. The effect of this was to cause the hiss, and the dancing little sounds in front of it, to be replaced by a wider, deeper hum. Slowly Adrian lost all sensation of physical contact with the world. He knew quite clearly that he was sitting in a chair, but he could not feel which parts of his body were touching it. Somewhere in the centre of this warm, weightless pool of sound hung the voice of Donald Trefusis.

'Tell me how you feel, Adrian.'

Adrian knew how he felt. He knew everything. Suddenly nothing in his mind was mystery; all was open and clear. It was as if he was swimming through the lobes, folds, neurones, synapses, chambers and connectors of his own brain.

'I feel fucking great,' he declared. 'Sort of swimming feeling like the time I had that grass round at Mark's place in Winner Street - that must have been years ago - I can see the outline of Lister's cock the way he's standing there - very badly cut safari suit I suppose - small circumcised as well - and after we had the grass I was really sick all over Mark's duvet - when Uncle David came to stay and I was twelve I found magazines under his bed I remember - that fluff smell under the spare-room bed - I smelt it again when we stayed in the hotel on Wednesday on our way to Salzburg - I had to pretend I knew the difference between grass and resin which I didn't which is pathetic because it's so fucking obvious isn't it - I wish I hadn't taken Uncle David's fucking money - why on earth Donald calls him Duvet - the word for the unit of thermal insulation in duvets is tog -Donald will know where it comes from - come to think of it I haven't had a wank in two days - Lister can't kill us all can he -I mean this is mad completely mad - they might sell KY jelly in a chemist's somewhere in the Getreidegasse - all that blood - if I do die it won't matter anyway because I'm such a cunt I won't notice - Uncle David is listening to me and looking at me as if I was a fish in a tank and I can hear Donald talking to me so I suppose if none of you minds I had better shut up and listen to what he's saying - big helmet but tiny cock - you've hardly said anything Biffo and your wife hasn't said much either - showing through his togs - what are you doing here anyway - I suppose Donald asked you to follow him as well when we were driving here - I'm asking you a question Mr Biffen and you aren't answering - or rather I suppose you are answering because your mouth is opening and closing but I can't hear you — awful white spittle you have in the corners of your mouth - I've just had this gross image of you and Lady Helen snogging can you imagine - someone is telling me to be quiet I can hear them - I think I had better stand up now - no I can't because the headphones would slip off - I mean grass looks like grass and resin doesn't but I thought it was a trap I suppose - Lister wearing padding and looking fat - I wonder if Simon is armed and is going to try and shoot Lister before he can fire at Donald - Lister has heard me say that now and he will probably shoot Simon first just in case - me and my big mouth - can't be an automatic revolver come to think of it doesn't sound right - somebody is still telling me to be quiet - thirty-eight that must be it a thirty-eight

automatic though whether that's thirty-eight millimetres or inches I have no idea - wasn't there someone called Lister at school - Hugo is turning into an alcoholic because of me - it really is a very small cock that Lister has got perhaps that is why he is a killer - if Donald knew all along that I was being paid by Uncle David then he has never liked me and if he has never liked me then perhaps it's just as well Lister is going to shoot us all - do you remember that time when you made me write to Mother Uncle David and I saw Tony Greig - I hope Lister shoots the others first so I can watch - that's disgusting but then I am disgusting I suppose everyone is - I'm so happy - I really like all of you you know that -1 simply must have a fuck before I die there was a girl on the footbridge with simply astonishing tits - Stefan's got quite a cute bum it has to be said oh for God's sake Adrian he's just lost a brother - I don't know why but I like you all but I am glad that we are all going to die and be together - I like you too Uncle David I always - the magazine under your bed was called Lolita wasn't it completely hairless vaginas - I can't imagine how you spell Golka but it is rather an impressive name - I suppose it gets bigger when he's excited -when he's cutting someone's throat probably - as big as a thirty-eight slug I suppose - looks like a slug at the moment - this is an amazing experience -1 probably love Donald - not like Hugo or Jenny - not like wanting to go to bed with him - ha can you imagine that Donald - me going to bed with you - no I don't mean that but I think I love you in every other way and of course you hate me don't you as you should because I am such a cunt - everyone watching me and listening to me and me making a total arse of myself because I can't help it though it's good to get it off my chest - of course it's never going to end because '

'Thank you, Adrian, I think that will do.'

Trefusis pulled off the headphones and the air seemed to scream into Adrian's head with a huge kicking electric shock.

He gasped like a skin diver breaking the surface. He felt Donald's hand on his shoulder and the stares of everyone else in the room piercing him through to the brain. Rocking backwards and forwards in his chair, he buried his head in his hands and began to cry.

Through the close snivel of his weeping he heard re-establish themselves the sounds of the room: the music in the courtyard below, the ticking of the clock and Uncle David's crude heckling.

'What bloody use is this? The boy's done no more than drool and blub like a maniac. I don't need a machine to make him do that. One swift kick in the balls would be enough.'

'I imagine,' said Trefusis, 'that had we left the machine attached for longer, every truth in Adrian's brain would have been disgorged.'

'What a revolting thought.'

Adrian leant back in his chair and opened his eyes.

'May I stand up please?' he asked in a small voice. 'I think my leg may have gone to sleep.'

'Yes, yes, of course. Walk around the room a little, my boy.'

Avoiding the eyes of Stefan, Simon and the Biffens, Adrian stepped down from the dais.

Sir David gave the wide shrug of a man who believes himself to be surrounded by fools. 'Well I dare say it might work,' he said. 'Just leave it where it is and walk away from the table, will you?'

'In a moment, David,' said Trefusis. 'First I have to do this ...'

Trefusis raised the gavel like a benevolent judge and brought it down onto the coupled radios. Splinters of broken plastic flew across the room. Sir David stiffened.

'You're dead, Donald,' he hissed. 'Do it, Dickon!'

'No! No, no, no, no, no!'

With a screech that tore his throat Adrian threw himself at Lister, knocking him to the floor. He fell on him with a roar, banging his head down onto his chest, barking and bellowing into his face.

'I'll kill you! Kill you! I'll kill you!'