'That's a trough of piss. You step up to him and you cart him all over the park, is what you do. Just don't get pushed against your stumps. Aim for the close-in fielders, if you miss the ball you might manage to belt them with your bat on the follow-through.'
'Isn't that a bit unsporting, sir?'
'Arseholes. Whistle, hum, look unconcerned, look bored. When he's ready to bowl, you step forward and say you're not ready. Disturb his rhythm, demonstrate contempt. Don't forget, I'm out there, and he'll want to bowl from my end because of the slope.'
'You won't
'Cheat? Good heavens. This is an amateur cricket match amongst leading prep schools, I'm an Englishman and a schoolmaster supposedly setting an example to his young charges. We are playing the most artistic and beautiful game man ever devised. Of course I'll cunting well cheat. Now, give me my robe and put on my crown. I have immortal longings in me.'
Out in the middle, little Ellis took the ball and flipped it from hand to hand, with the disturbing competence of a born spinner of the ball.
Adrian patted his head.
'Good luck, little chap,' he said. 'Don't get upset if they punish you a bit. It's only a game, eh?'
Ellis looked puzzled. 'Yes, sir.'
A sporting round of applause from the Narborough boys welcomed Chartham's opening pair to the wicket.
'Here they come now. They're both rather savage hitters of the ball, I'm afraid. But if you don't lose your head you should be able to cut it down to ten or so an over. A word of advice, though. Try and do something about disguising that googlie of yours a bit better . . . sticks out like a sore thumb.'
Ellis tweaked the ball out of the side of his hand uncertainly.
'Thank you, sir.'
'All right, here we go. Don't be nervous.'
Frowde and Colville, the openers, had certainly taken the game-plan literally. They surveyed the field with lofty disdain and smiled faint patronising smiles at the short leg and silly point crowded around them, nicely blending admiration for their physical courage and doubt for their mental capacity. They were welcome to stand there and be cut in two, but they had been warned.
'Play!' said Adrian.
Ellis stepped forward. Frowde at the other end threw up a hand and bent to do up his shoe-laces.
'Sorry!' he called. 'Won't be a sec'
Ellis turned back to his mark and waited.
'All right, Frowde?' said Adrian.
'Fine thank you, sir. Just don't want to get tangled up when I start running.'
'Quite so,' Adrian dropped his arm. 'Play!!' he boomed.
Ellis bowled a full toss which Frowde hooked straight over the boundary. The short leg fielder glared at Ellis: the ball had nearly decapitated him.
Adrian signalled a four to the scorer.
'It was a six,' said Hugo at square leg.
'Sorry?'
'It was a six!'
'Are you sure?'
'Of course I'm sure! It went clean over.'
'Well if you're sure,' said Adrian, signalling a six. 'I didn't want to give ourselves two extra runs. That was a six, scorer!' he yelled, just as Ellis next to him was catching the return from deep mid-wicket. The blast in his ear made him drop the ball. Adrian picked it up for him.
'Try and get them to bounce on the ground first,' he said helpfully. 'That way it's harder for the batsman to hit quite so far.'
Ellis's second was a long hop square-cut for four.
'You see?' said Adrian. 'That's two fewer already.'
The next was on a good length and driven straight to close extra cover.
'There might be a couple here,' shouted Frowde to his partner.
'Genius,' thought Adrian, as they ran one run after the extra cover fielder fumbled the ball in his amazement at the possibility that anyone was going to run at all.
Ellis was made of stout stuff. His next ball was an excellent leg-break that nearly had Colville stumped.
Adrian stepped forward and patted the pitch.
'You must watch your feet after you've bowled,' he said to him. 'You're not allowed to run on in the area between the two wickets. It kicks up rough stuff and helps the bowler at the other end.'
Little Ellis was aghast at the possibility that Adrian might think he had been trying to cheat.
