Dix smiled.
'I never promised you a rose garden,' he said.
'No one seems to,' Jesse said.
They were silent for a moment.
Then Dix said, 'We have some time left.'
Jesse nodded.
'Why was I so taken with them?' he said.
'The twins,' Dix said.
'Yeah. I was so envious of them that I went on a bender,' Jesse said.
'And why was it you were so envious?' Dix said.
Jesse said, 'Why wouldn't I be?'
Dix moved his shoulders in something that might have been a shrug.
'Everybody wants to be loved,' Jesse said.
'Love manifests,' Dix said, 'in many ways.'
'Wow,' Jesse said. 'That's a real shrink phrase.'
'Feeling some anger?' Dix said. 'At me?'
Jesse shrugged.
'Why do you suppose you're angry?' Dix said.
Jesse took in a deep breath and let it out in slow exasperation.
'Because you're leading me to face something I don't want to face,' he said.
Dix said nothing.
'They were both so submissive,' Jesse said. 'So…' He made a circular motion with his hand as he searched for the word.
'Self-abnegating?' Dix said.
'Hoo-ha!' Jesse said. 'Self-abnegating.'
'You know what it means,' Dix said.
Jesse nodded.
'And you're right,' he said. 'I loved how self-abnegating they were.'
'So, if they put themselves aside…?' Dix said.
'Then they totally belonged to the husband,' Jesse said.
Dix waited. He leaned back a little farther. His elbows were on the arms of his chair. His hands were folded in front of him. He rubbed the balls of his thumbs lightly together.
'What woman would want that?' Jesse said.
Dix waited.
'What man would want a woman to be like that?' Jesse said.
Dix waited.
'I don't like women like that,' Jesse said.
Dix moved his head slightly. It might have been a nod.
'A woman like that couldn't leave me,' Jesse said.
Dix nodded.
'Jesus,' Jesse said. 'I was asking Jenn to do things she couldn't do, and shouldn't.'
'Probably,' Dix said.
'And then I blamed her when she cheated.'
'Tough place for Jenn to be,' Dix said.
'Why the hell am I like that?' Jesse said.
Dix looked at his watch.
'Don't know,' he said. 'Maybe we'll find out. Maybe we'll never know. But perhaps you won't make the same mistake again.'
Jesse nodded. When he left the office, he felt a little dizzy. And his head felt overused.
40
WHAT'S THAT EASEL?' Cheryl said.
They were sitting at Sunny's kitchen counter. Sunny had toasted some English muffins for breakfast, and they were eating the muffins and drinking coffee.
'I'm painting a picture,' Sunny said.
'You're a painter?'
'Sort of,' Sunny said.
Cheryl went down and looked at the painting.
'It's a dog,' Cheryl said.
'Yes.'
'Is it your dog?'
'It was,' Sunny said. 'Her name was Rosie.'
'She dead?'
'Yes.'
Cheryl walked back to the counter.
'That's too bad,' she said. 'I never had a dog.'
Sunny nodded.
'Tell me how you ended up in the Rackley center,' she said.
'I was walking back toward the Renewal House,' Cheryl said. 'And a car stopped ahead of me and a lady got out of the backseat and said could I help her with directions. So I say sure, and the lady yells into the car, 'Show her the map,' or something like that. I lean in to look at the map and the lady pushes me in and the guy grabs me and the lady gets in behind me and shuts the door and the car drove away.'
'They say anything?' Sunny asked.
'Lady told me to shut up or I'd get hurt. I was scared. I did what they said. And they brought me to the school or whatever it was, and the white coats came and took me in and gave me some kind of shot in my arm and locked me in my room.'
'Anyone ever talk with you?'
'Dr. Patton,' she said.
'What did he tell you,' Sunny said.
'He told me that the center was here to help, and I was there because my parents were worried about me.'
'Did your parents come to see you?'
'I don't think so,' Cheryl said. 'I was kind of woozy most of the time.'
'I've got a doctor appointment for you later today.'
'How come I need a doctor?' Cheryl said.
'I don't think there's anything wrong with you,' Sunny said. 'It just seems like the right thing to do.'
'Okay,' Cheryl said. 'Will you go with me?'
'Of course.'
'What about that guy?'
'Spike?'
'The big, fat one,' Cheryl said.
'Spike's built like a bear,' Sunny said. 'He's not as fat as he looks.'
'Is he your boyfriend?' Cheryl said.
'No.'
'Does he, like, work for you?'
'No, Spike is my best friend,' Sunny said.
'But not your boyfriend.'
'No,' Sunny said. 'Spike is gay.'
'Wow,' Cheryl said. 'He doesn't look gay.'
'I guess he feels gay,' Sunny said.
'I thought gay guys were all, you know, fa-la-la,' Cheryl said.
'Spike is not fa-la-la,' Sunny said.
'Didn't he hammer the two white coats?'
