Neversfall

as if he understood and forgave her reaction.

'I can only imagine what you're feeling now,' the man said.

Adeenya sprang forward, her hands reaching toward the Maquar's neck. Jhoqo's head shook as he stepped into her attack and drove a fist into her stomach. She crumpled back to the floor, sputtering and gasping for air. He withdrew and crouched, watching her closely. She forced away the pain and drew a deep breath as she pushed herself back up against the wall. Her eyes found his again, his dark skin shimmering in the firelight from the torch.

'Please do not do that again,' Jhoqo said. 'I have no wish to harm you.'

'Only to knock me out from behind? To blame me for Marlke's death? And what else?' Adeenya said. 'What other invented crimes have you charged me with?'

'A few, all necessary,' Jhoqo replied. 'His death is the only one that you are guilty of.'

'I was trying to stop him! Your interference is what killed him. Or maybe you finished him off yourself!'

'You caused his death,' Jhoqo replied. 'Whether directly or indirectly, you were the cause of his death. Had you not insisted upon setting a trap for the traitor, you would never have discovered Marlke at his work. Had you not found him, he would not be dead.'

'That's the logic of someone seeking absolution if I've ever heard it,' she said.

Jhoqo shrugged again, unimpressed with the distinction. 'I let him die. You killed him,' he said. 'There is a difference.'

'By the One and the All… you are mad,' Adeenya said, her feet unconsciously pushing against the stone to move farther from the man.

Jhoqo smiled halfway and nodded as he moved himself to rest against the door, sitting opposite the woman. 'Your words do not surprise me, but let me ask a question. Why did you become a mercenary?' he asked.

When she did not answer, he continued, 'Did you wish to serve something greater than yourself? Though Durpar does not have a military institution in the same sense as my country, you mercenaries fill that void. Is that why you made your choice?'

Adeenya thought about the question and nodded. She saw an opportunity and could not pass it up.

'It is the same for most of us, I think,' he said, offering a larger smile.

'Most of who?' she asked.

'Patriots, like you and I,' he answered. 'That's what we are, Adeenya. We love our countries, our people, our ways of life.'

Her eyes wide, Adeenya said, 'You're a murderer. You're no hero!'

'I said patriot,' he replied, and added, 'though I think history will remember me as a hero as well. How do you wish to be remembered, Adeenya? As a hero or a traitor?' Jhoqo asked, leaning toward her.

Adeenya hesitated, Jhoqo's grotesque nature growing clearer to her by the moment. Talk of patriots and heroes, love of country and fellow man-it made her stomach heave in protest to think of the man before her believing such things about himself, while the blood of his subordinates soaked the ground. His eyes shone back at her in the torchlight, and he clearly expected a response to his question.

'I'm no hero, ' Adeenya said, 'and I don't yet deserve to be remembered as one. Maybe I never will be,' she said with a shrug before continuing. 'And if you're what passes for a patriot, then I'd not call myself one in this life or any after.'

Jhoqo nodded, easing away from her. He stared at her in silence for several moments before standing, his knees grinding a little and causing him to sigh. The short man moved to the wall against which she rested and placed his hand on the stone. Running his fingers along the rock, he smiled, tracing the tiny gaps where one stone met another.

'Do you know what makes stacked stones stand together as a wall?' Jhoqo asked, not looking at her.

'Patriotism?' Adeenya said, sarcastically.

Jhoqo's grin widened as he looked at her and said, 'Of the builders who come together to craft the wall? That's true. But I mean in a broader sense.'

Jhoqo ran a finger along the gaps between the stones again and spoke softly, 'If you stack these stones directly atop one another, no matter how many columns, they will begin to waver and eventually tumble after you pile six, maybe seven of them high, will they not?

'However, if you place several side by side and a similar row atop those, but shifted one way or the other from those below so that the gaps no longer line up, you achieve more balance, but no permanency, solidity, or strength.

'The strength-what keeps them together-is the weight of them. The pressure is spread amongst them, each taking its fair share and passing the rest down to its neighbor,' Jhoqo said, kneeling on the floor near her. 'Like soldiers working together, they take everything they can handle and trust in their fellow soldiers, their brothers and sisters, to do the same. Given enough stones, no height is unreachable, no weight too much, no pressure too great. The same is true of soldiers and patriots.'

She frowned and ran her fingers over the stone. His words were surprisingly moving. Despite the situation, she longed to feel the connection between them, but she felt only cold rock, well placed by hundreds if not thousands of workers, and likely magically enhanced to be sturdy and durable.

'So how does killing and falsely accusing allies and comrades make them stronger?' Adeenya asked.

Still kneeling, Jhoqo shook his head and replied, 'You live for that sense of camaraderie that only a soldier knows. You thrive on holding the trust of others, grasping it with every ounce of your strength. You love freely giving your trust to those same brothers and sisters, to see them cradle your life in their capable arms.'

Adeenya offered no response. They both knew what he said was true. The truth he spoke was the same for all soldiers.

'It's the same for me, sister,' Jhoqo said. 'But my love of my comrades has grown beyond just my fellow soldiers. That sense of glorious obligation you feel to your brothers in arms, I feel to my fellow countrymen, in fact, all southerners as a whole. Their pain is my agony, their triumph my joy.'

Adeenya did not attempt to hide her laughter, letting it echo in the room, hoping more than anything to watch it float to his ears and crush his head with its melodious force and wrathful earnestness.

Jhoqo frowned and shook his head. 'I thought that, of anyone here, of anyone I've met in a long time, you would understand. He had hoped you would too.'

Adeenya sprang to her feet, her face flushing red as she said, 'Taennen thought I would understand your rhetoric?'

Jhoqo took a single step back, his hand going to the hilt of his sword at the woman's sudden movement. When it was clear she was not advancing, her words seemed to sink in, and the man shook his head. 'Taennen? Gods, no. He doesn't understand, either,' Jhoqo said.

'Then who?' Adeenya asked. Without responding, Jhoqo moved toward the door. 'Wait. Who was hoping I would understand?' she asked.

'It does not matter. He was wrong, for the first time since I've known him,' Jhoqo responded.

'Sometimes we don't know ourselves as well as others in our lives do,' Adeenya said. She had gone too far, pushed too hard. She needed to keep him talking until the time was right if she wanted to escape.

Jhoqo stopped a few paces from the door, his eyes narrowing as he faced her and said, 'Yes, that is so.'

Adeenya started to speak, but no words came. She ran her hands through her ruddy hair and leaned against the windowed wall. 'Maybe this person of whom you speak…' she said, hoping Jhoqo would finish the thought.

When no response came, Adeenya looked up to find him staring hard at her. 'When I started this mission, I thought I knew what being in the military meant,' she said.

'And now?' Jhoqo responded.

'I don't… you were right, you know, when you said that I live for the camaraderie of this life. More than anything, I long for that sense of community, of knowing that the man next to me on that battle line is living as much for me as for himself,' she said. 'I thought I had that. Maybe I did, even, but when I saw your men, I knew there was more,' she said. 'I'm not going to pretend that I agreed with all of your decisions as their leader, but they followed you without question, and they really seemed to enjoy working side by side. They know one another, and they care about one another.'

'Your soldiers don't?' he asked.

'They do. We do,' she said, sighing. 'But part of me always wonders…'