The Princess Bride

The Sicilian sniffed his own glass; then he reached across the kerchief for the goblet of the man in black and sniffed that. 'As you said, odorless.'

'As I also said, you're stalling.'

The Sicilian smiled and stared at the wine goblets. 'Now a great fool,' he began, 'would place the poison in his own goblet, because he would know that only another great fool would reach first for what he was given. I am clearly not a great fool, so I will clearly not reach for your wine.'

'That's your final choice?'

'No. Because you knew I was not a great fool, so you would know that I would never fall for such a trick. You would count on it. So I will clearly not reach for mine either.'

'Keep going,' said the man in black.

'I intend to.' The Sicilian reflected a moment. 'We have now decided the poisoned cup is most likely in front of you. But the poison is powder made from iocane and iocane comes only from Australia and Australia, as everyone knows, is peopled with criminals and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as I don't trust you, which means I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.'

The man in black was starting to get nervous.

'But, again, you must have suspected I knew the origins of iocane, so you would have known I knew about the criminals and criminal behavior, and therefore I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.'

'Truly you have a dizzying intellect,' whispered the man in black.

'You have beaten my Turk, which means you are exceptionally strong, and exceptionally strong men are convinced that they are too powerful ever to die, too powerful even for iocane poison, so you could have put it in your cup, trusting on your strength to save you; thus I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.'

The man in black was very nervous now.

'But you also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, because he studied many years for his excellence, and if you can study, you are clearly more than simply strong; you are aware of how mortal we all are, and you do not wish to die, so you would have kept the poison as far from yourself as possible; therefore I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.'

'You're just trying to make me give something away with all this chatter,' said the man in black angrily. 'Well it won't work. You'll learn nothing from me, that I promise you.'

'I have already learned everything from you,' said the Sicilian. 'I know where the poison is.'

'Only a genius could have deduced as much.'

'How fortunate for me that I happen to be one,' said the hunchback, growing more and more amused now.

'You cannot frighten me,' said the man in black, but there was fear all through his voice.

'Shall we drink then?'

'Pick, choose, quit dragging it out, you don't know, you couldn't know.'

The Sicilian only smiled at the outburst. Then a strange look crossed his features and he pointed off behind the man in black. 'What in the world can that be?' he asked.

The man in black turned around and looked. 'I don't see anything.'

'Oh, well, I could have sworn I saw something, no matter.' The Sicilian began to laugh.

'I don't understand what's so funny,' said the man in black.

'Tell you in a minute,' said the hunchback. 'But first let's drink.'

And he picked up his own wine goblet.

The man in black picked up the one in front of him.

They drank.

'You guessed wrong,' said the man in black.

'You only think I guessed wrong,' said the Sicilian, his laughter ringing louder. 'That's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned.'

There was nothing for the man in black to say.

'Fool!' cried the hunchback. 'You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.''

He was quite cheery until the iocane powder took effect.

The man in black stepped quickly over the corpse, then roughly ripped the blindfold from the Princess's eyes.

'I heard everything that happ—' Buttercup began, and then she said 'Oh' because she had never been next to a dead man before. 'You killed him,' she whispered finally.

'I let him die laughing,' said the man in black. 'Pray I do as much for you.' He lifted her, slashed her bonds away, put her on her feet, started to pull her along.

'Please,' Buttercup said. 'Give me a moment to gather myself.' The man in black released his grip.

Buttercup rubbed her wrists, stopped, massaged her ankles. She took a final look at the Sicilian. 'To think,' she murmured, 'all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.'

'They were both poisoned,' said the man in black. 'I've spent the past two years building up immunity to iocane powder.'

Buttercup looked up at him. He was terrifying to her, masked and hooded and dangerous; his voice was strained, rough. 'Who are you?' she asked.

'I am no one to be trifled with,' replied the man in black. 'That is all you ever need to know.' And with that he yanked her upright. 'You've had your moment.' Again he pulled her after him, and this time she could do nothing but follow.

They moved along the mountain path. The moonlight was very bright, and there were rocks everywhere, and to Buttercup it all looked dead and yellow, like the moon. She had just spent several hours with three men who were openly planning to kill her. So why, she wondered, was she more frightened now than then? Who was the horrid hooded figure to strike fear in her so? What could be worse than dying? 'I will pay you a great deal of money to release me,' she managed to say.

The man in black glanced at her. 'You are rich, then?'

'I will be,' Buttercup said. 'Whatever you want for ransom, I promise I'll get it for you if you'll let me go.'

The man in black just laughed.

'I was not speaking in jest.'

'You promise? You? I should release you on your promise? What is that worth? The vow of a woman? Oh, that is very funny, Highness. Spoken in jest or not.' They proceeded along the mountain path to an open space. The man in black stopped then. There were a million stars fighting for prominence and for a moment he seemed to be intent on nothing less than studying them all, as Buttercup watched his eyes flick from constellation to constellation behind his mask.

Then, with no warning, he spun off the path, heading into wild terrain, pulling her behind him.

She stumbled; he pulled her to her feet; again she fell; again he righted her.

'I cannot move this quickly.'

'You can! And you will! Or you will suffer greatly. Do you think I could make you suffer greatly?'

Buttercup nodded.

'Then run!' cried the man in black, and he broke into a run himself, flying across rocks in the moonlight, pulling the Princess behind him.

She did her best to keep up. She was frightened as to what he would do to her, so she dared not fall again.

After five minutes, the man in black stopped dead. 'Catch your breath,' he commanded.

Buttercup nodded, gasped in air, tried to quiet her heart. But then they were off again, with no warning, dashing across the mountainous terrain, heading...

'Where ... do you take me?' Buttercup gasped, when he again gave her a chance to rest.

'Surely even someone as arrogant as you cannot expect me to give an answer.'

'It does not matter if you tell or not. He will find you.'

' 'He,' Highness?'

'Prince Humperdinck. There is no greater hunter. He can track a falcon on a cloudy day; he can find you.'