The Princess Bride

then there was blood but Fezzik's eyes only blazed more deeply and his fingers waltzed, and he reached inside and gently took her out, took the child out, a girl, Buttercup was wrong, it was a girl, and here at last she came, pink and white like a candy stick—

—here came Waverly....

4. Fezzik Falling

SHE WAS CONSIDERABLY below him at the start, twisting and spinning from momentum and wind. Fezzik had never seen the world like this, from this high, fifteen thousand feet with nothing below to break the fall, nothing, but at the far end rock formations.

He called after her but, of course, she could not hear. He stared after her but, of course, he was not gaining. There are scientific laws explaining that bodies fall at the same speed no matter how different the size. But the makers of the laws had never tried explaining Fezzik, because his feet, so useless at finding holds on sheer mountainsides, were unmatched at flutter-kicking in falling air. He cupped his fingers so his hands were perfect hollow mitts and then he set to work, swinging his arms and fluttering his feet so that if you tried to watch them, you couldn't and then Fezzik strained still more—

—and the distance between them began to close. From a hundred feet to half, then half again and when he was that close Fezzik called out to her, his word—

'Keeeeed!'

She heard and stared up and when he had her eyes Fezzik made her favorite silly face—the one where his tongue touched the tip of his nose—and she saw it, of course, and then, of course, she laughed out loud with joy.

Because now she knew what all this was, just another of their glorious games that always ended so happily....

FROM THE START, they were different. Sometimes when she was very little and dozing and Fezzik was helping Buttercup he would say, 'She has to tinkle,' and Buttercup would answer, 'No, she doesn't, she's just...' and then she would stop before she got to 'fine' because Waverly had blinked awake soaking wet, and Buttercup would look at Fezzik in those moments with such a look of wonder.

Or sometimes Waverly and Buttercup would be playing happily, Fezzik watching, always there, watching so close, and Buttercup would say, 'Fezzik, why do you look so sad?' and Fezzik would say, 'I hate it when she's sick,' and that night, a fever would come.

He knew when she was hungry, or tired, he knew why she was smiling. And when crankiness was just around the corner.

Which made him, in Buttercup's mind, the perfect baby-sitter, since how could you improve on a sitter who knew what was going to happen? So Fezzik looked after her constantly and when she dozed he would sit between Waverly and the sun, which was why, when she started to talk, she called him 'Shade'—because he was that, her shade in those earliest days.

Later, when she learned games, she had but to blink in his direction and he knew, not that she wanted to play, but which game. Westley agreed with Buttercup that although, yes, theirs was an unusual nurse-child relationship, it was a blessing, since it provided her with time to heal and recover, and better yet, time for them to be together. So Fezzik and Waverly learned from each other and enjoyed each other. Occasional spats, of course, but that comes, as Buttercup explained to him one day, with mothering.

'Can Waverly come play in the whirlpool with me?' Fezzik would ask constantly.

Buttercup would hesitate. 'It gets her overtired, Fezzik.'

'Please, please, please.'

Buttercup would give in, of course, and off they would go, stopping first for the clothespin, then into the water, Waverly sitting securely on his head, his hands gripping her feet, and whoosh. It was truly magical, watching them, as Inigo and her parents did often. Because Fezzik, having conquered the whirlpool, had befriended it. He would kick up to speed, then swim into the whirl and let it carry them around, with Waverly shrieking and Fezzik keeping balance as they rode the water together, their favorite game, which always ended so happily....

FEZZIK WAS CLOSE enough to reach out now, so he did, brought the child into his arms, made another face, took her fears away. 'Shade,' she said, so happy.

Three thousand feet now.

Next he pulled her close to him.

Two thousand.

He knew as the rocks flew up toward him that he could never save himself. But if he could bundle her next to his body, if he could lie flat in the air and bring her into his arms so his mighty back took the initial assault, there was a good chance she would be shaken, yes, shaken terribly.

But she might live.

He made his body flat against the wind. He pulled her to him with all his sweet strength. 'Keed,' he whispered finally, 'if you ever need shade, think of me.'

One final silly face.

One blessed responding laugh.

Fezzik closed his eyes then, thinking only this: thank God I was a giant after all....

***

Willy was quiet when I finished. He gathered up his baseball and his Frisbee, hit the elevator button. Dinnertime coming up and I had to get him home. He didn't speak again 'til we were on the street. 'No way Fezzik dies, I don't care what the chapter's called.'

I nodded. We walked in silence, and you know how Fezzik could tell what was going on with Waverly? Well, I can do that with Willy, at least on my good days, and I knew this great question was coming. 'Grandpa?' he said finally.

Do you think I love that? You remember how much money Westley was going to get when he decided to leave Buttercup after she tormented him once too often about the boys in the village? That's how much. 'Speak into the microphone,' I said, making my hand one.

'Okay—that thing that invaded Fezzik? Here's what I don't get: how did it know to invade him right then? I mean, if it came a day earlier, it would have just had to wait around inside him for twenty-four hours feeling stupid.'

I told him I doubted that question had ever been asked on Planet Earth before.

Jason and Peggy were waiting at the door. 'It was good, Dad,' Willy said. 'It played around with time a lot.'

'We really need another novelist in the family,' Jason said, and I laughed and hugged everybody, started back home. It was a gorgeous spring evening so I let the park win me for a while, just walked in silence, thinking.

First thing that has to be said: Morgenstern hasn't lost a whole lot off his fastball. This is clearly a different piece of work from The Princess Bride, but he was a much older man when he wrote it.

And since maybe this is the end of my involvement, a couple of closing thoughts.

Like Willy, I don't believe Fezzik is going to die here. My money is on Morgenstern saving him. He saved him from Humperdinck's arrow with the holocaust cloak, he'll come up with something.

The Unexplained Inigo Fragment. What was that? Couldn't he have given us a couple of hints at least as to why? Will it all make sense later?

Who was the madman on the mountain? Was he born without skin? How did he get Waverly? Was he the kidnapper or just a member of a gang? And if he was just a member, who was his boss?

And who did invade Fezzik?

A beautiful young couple passed me then. She was pregnant out to here and I wished her a