'Ah, yes, so I did. Prepare rather more sustaining dishes for him. I have already ordered them to roast a sucking-pig or a turkey for supper.'
' Thank you, Anton Ivanitch.'
'Oh, it's nothing, ma'am. Shall not we order a little chicken, as well, with white sauce ? '
' I will order it.'
'Why should you? Am I good for nothing? I will see to it. . . . let me.'
' See to it, help me, my dear friend.'
He went away, and she sank into thought. Her woman's instinct and her mother's heart told her that food was not the principal cause of Alexandr's melancholy. She set to work to question him indirectly by hints, but Alexandr did not understand these hints and said nothing. So passed away a fortnight, three weeks. Sucking-pigs, chickens, and turkeys came to Anton Ivanitch in abundance, but Alexandr was still melancholy and thin, and his hair had not grown thicker.
Then Anna Pavlovna decided to have a talk with him straight out
' Listen, my dear one, Sashenka,' she said one day, ' it's now a month since you've been here, and I have not yet seen you smile once; you move like a cloud, with downcast looks. Is there something you don't like in your native place ? It seems you were happier in a strange place ; are you longing for it, or what ? My heart is torn when I look at you. What has happened to you ? tell me, what is it you haven't got ? I will grudge you nothing. Has someone done you an injury ? I will revenge that too.' -
' Don't be uneasy, mamma,' said Alexandr, ' this is nothing ! I have come to years of discretion, and so I am serious.'
' But why are you thin ? and what has become of your hair ? '
' I can't tell you why .... one can't govern everything that has happened in seven years .... perhaps, indeed, my health is a little disordered.'
' Do you feel pain anywhere ? '
' Yes, I have a pain here, and here.' He pointed to his J h ead an^ his h earts
Anna Pavlovna laid her hand on his forehead.
'There is no fever,' she said. 'Why should this be so ? Is there a throbbing in your head ? '
'No ... . only . . . .'
' Sashenka! let us go to Ivan Andreitch ! '
' Who is Ivan Andreitch ? '
'The new doctor; it's two years since he came here. Such a clever fellow, he's a wonder! He hardly prescribes any medicines; he makes himself some tiny little pills .... and they do good. Our Foma had a pain in the stomach ; he was groaning three days and nights; the doctor gave him three little pills, it cured him at once! You must physic yourself a little, darling! '
' No, mamma, he will do me no good; this will go on just the same.'
' But why are you dull ? What is this trouble ? '
' Oh . . . .'
' What do you want ? '
' I don't know myself.'
' What a strange thing, upon my word!' said Anna Pavlovna. ' You say you like your food, you have every comfort and a good position .... what more is there ?
and yet you are dull, Sashenka !' she went on softly, after a pause; ' isn't it time for you .... to marry ? '
' What are you thinking of! No, I shall not marry.'
' But I have a girl in my mind—just like a doll, rosy and delicate, as fair as a lily. Her figure is so slender and neat; she has studied in the town at a boarding-school. She has seventy-five serfs and 25,000 in money, a splendid dowry; they were in business in Moscow, and an excellent connection. Eh ? Sashenka ? I have already broken the ice with her mother once over coffee, but I only dropped a word in joke.'
' I shall not marry,' repeated Alexandr.
' How, never ? '
' Never.'
' Lord have mercy upon us ! How can that be ? All people are like other people, only you are like nobody else! And it would have been such a happiness for me! if God had vouchsafed to me to nurse my grandchildren ! I beg of you, marry her; you will grow to love her.'
'I shall not grow to love, mamma; I have outgrown love.'
' Outgrown love without being married ? Whom have you loved up there ? '
' A girL'
' Why didn't you marry her ? '
' She deceived me.'
' How, deceived you ? Why, you weren't married to her yet?'
Alexandr did not answer.
' You must have nice girls up there, on my word; to love before marriage ! Deceived you indeed ! the wretch ! With happiness itself falling into her hands, she did not know how to value it, good-for-nothing creature ! If I could get a word with her, I would slap her face! What was your uncle thinking about ? Who did she find better ? I would have seen to her! Well, but is she the only one in the world ? you will be in love a second time.'
' I have been in love a second time.'
' With whom ? '
' A widow.'
' Well, why didn't you marry her ? '
' Her, I myself deceived.'
Anna Pavlovna looked at Alexandr and did not know what to say.
' Deceived!' she repeated. ' I suppose she was some bold creature!' she added. It's really a den of thieves in St. Petersburg—loving before marriage without the sanction of the Church; deceiving That such things should
be done in the world! The end of the world must certainly be at hand ! Well, well, tell me, is there not anything you feel a want of? Perhaps the cooking is not to your taste ? I will write for a cook from the town.'
' No, thank you, everything is all right.'
' Perhapsyou are dull all alone; I willinvite the neighbours.'
' No, no. Don't worry yourself, mamma ! I am peaceful and all right here ; it will pass. I have hardly looked about me yet.'
This was all Anna Pavlovna could get out of him.
' No,' she thought, ' without God's aid we shall not be a step forwarder.' She proposed to Alexandr that he should drive with her to Mass at the nearest church, but he slept too late twice, and she could not make up her mind to wake him. At last one evening she pressed him to come to Vespers. 'If you like,' said Alexandr, and they set off. His mother went into the church and took her stand near the choir, but Alexandr remained at the door.
The sun was already setting and threw slanting rays which played on the golden frames of the images, and lighted up the dark and coarse faces of the sacred figures and dimmed by its brilliance the weak and timid twinkling of the candles. The church was almost empty; the peasants were at work in the fields; only a few old women were huddled together in the corner by the entrance, their heads wrapped up in white kerchiefs. Some were sitting on the stone step of the entrances, their faces leaning on their hands, and now and then they gave vent to loud and grievous sighs, whether over their sins or their domestic cares, God only can tell. Others lay a long while on their faces bowed to the ground in prayer.
A fresh breeze rushed through the iron grating of the window and first lifted the cloth on the altar, then played with the grey hair of the priest or fluttered the leaves of the books and blew out the candles. The priest's and deacon's steps resounded loudly on the stone floor in the empty
church ; their voices echoed feebly under the arches of the roof. High up in the steeple were jackdaws cawing and sparrows chirruping as they fluttered from window to window, and the whir of their wings and the ringing of bells sometimes drowned the sounds of the service.
'So long as a man's vital force is abundant,' thought Alexandr, 'so long as desires and passions work,upon him, he is absorbed in sensation, he avoids the calm, grave, and solemn meditations to which religion leads .... when his strength is broken and squandered, his hopes shattered, weighed down by years, he hastens to seek
