always under the necessity of taking vengeance and inflicting punishments is a very painful position for any honourable man to be in, my dearest wife.'
Livia answers: 'You are quite right and 1 have a piece of advice to give you--that is, if you are willing to accept it and will not blame me for daring, though a woman, to sug-s gest to you something which nobody else, even of your most intimate friends, would dare to suggest.'
Augustus says: 'Out with it, whatever it is.'
Livia answers: 'I will tell you without hesitation, because I have an equal share in your good fortune and ill fortune and as long as you are safe I also have my part in reigning; whereas if you come to any harm, which the Gods forbid, that is the end of me too....' She advises forgiveness. 'Soft words turn away wrath, as harsh words excite wrath even in a gentle spirit; forgiveness will melt the most arrogant heart, as punishment will harden even the humblest.... I do not mean by this that we must spare all criminals without distinction: for there is such a thing as an incurable and persistent depravity on which kindness is wasted. A man who offends in this way should be removed at once as a cancer in the body politic. But in the case of the rest, whose errors, committed wilfully or otherwise, are due to youth or ignorance or misapprehension, we should, I believe, merely rebuke them, or punish them in the mildest possible way. Let us make the experiment, therefore, starting with these very men.' Augustus applauds her wisdom and confesses himself persuaded. But note the reassurance to the world that on Augustus' death Livia's rule would end, and further note and remember the phrase 'incurable and persistent depravity'. My grandmother Livia was a sly one!
Livia now told Augustus that the proposed marriage between ^Emilia and myself must be cancelled as a sign of Imperial displeasure with her parents; and Augustus was delighted to agree to this, because ^Emilia had been complaining bitterly to him of her misfortune in having to marry me. Livia had little to fear from Julilla now, whom Augustus suspected of being an accomplice in her husband's schemes: but she would make sure of her too, before [101] she had done. Meanwhile she had to pay a debt of honour to her friend Urgulania, a woman whom I have not yet mentioned but who is one of the most unpleasant characters in my story.
VIII
URGULANIA WAS LIVIA'S ONLY CONFIDANT AND BOUND TO her by the strongest ties of interest and gratitude. She had lost her husband, a partisan of Young Pompey's, in the Civil Wars and with her infant son had been sheltered by Livia, then still married to my grandfather, from the brutality of Augustus'
soldiers. Livia, on marrying Augustus, insisted that he should restore to Urgulania her husband's confiscated estates, and invite her to live with them as a member of the family. By Livia's influence--for in Augustus' name Livia could force Lepidus, the High Pontiff, to make whatever appointments she pleased--she was set in a position of spiritual authority over all the married noblewomen of Rome. I must explain that. Every year, early in December, these women had to attend an important sacrifice to the Good Goddess presided over by the Vestal Virgins, on the proper conduct of which would depend the wealth and security of Rome for the ensuing twelve months. No man was allowed to profane these mysteries on pain of death. Livia, who had put herself into the good graces of the Vestals by rebuilding their Convent, furnishing it in luxurious style, and winning them, through Augustus, many privileges from the Senate, suggested to the Chief Vestal that the chastity of some of the women who attended these sacrifices was not beyond suspicion.
She said that the troubles of Rome during the Civil Wars might well have been due to the Good Goddess' anger at the lewdness of those who attended her mysteries. She suggested further that if a solemn oath were to be given to any woman who confessed to a lapse from moral strictness that her confession would not be reported to anv ear of man, and thus not involve her in public disgrace, there would be a greater chance of the Goddess being served only by the chaste, and her anger appeased.
The Chief Vestal, a religiously-minded woman, approved of the idea but asked Livia's authority for this in-1 novation. Livia told her that she had seen the Goddess in a dream only the night before, and that she had asked that, since the Vestals themselves were not experienced in matters of sex, a widow of good family should be appointed Mother Confessor for this very purpose. The Chief Vestal asked whether the sins confessed should pass unpunished.
Livia replied that she could not have expressed an opinion had not the Goddess fortunately made a pronouncement on this point in the same dream: that the Mother Confessor would be empowered to prescribe expiatory penances and that the penances should be a matter of holy confidence between the criminal and the Mother Confessor.
The Chief Vestal, she said, would be informed merely that such-and-such a woman was unfit to take part in the mysteries of this year; or that such-and-such had now performed her penance. This suited the Chief Vestal well, but she was afraid to suggest a name for fear that Livia would turn it down. Livia then said that the High Pontiff was obviously the man to make the appointment, and that if the Chief Vestal permitted her, she would explain matters to him and ask him to name a suitable person, after performing the necessary ceremonies to ensure a choice favourable to the Goddess. So Urgulania was appointed, and of course Livia did not tell Lepidus or Augustus the powers that the appointment carried. She spoke of it casually as a position of advisory assistant to the Chief Vestal in moral matters,
'the Chief Vestal, poor woman, being so unworldly'.
The sacrifice was customarily held at the house of a Consul, but now always at Augustus' palace, because he ranked above the Consuls. This was convenient for Urgulania, who made the women come into her room there [which was arranged in a way to inspire fear and truthfulness], bound them to tell the truth by the most frightful [i03] oaths, and when they had confessed, dismissed them while she considered the appropriate penanceLivia, who was in the room concealed behind a curtain, would then suggest one. The two got a great deal of amusement out of this game and Livia plenty of useful information and assistance in her plans.
As Mother Confessor in tlie service of the Good Goddess, Urgulania considered herself above the law. Later I shall tell how once, when summoned by a senator to whom she owed a large sum of money to appear before the magistrate in the Debtors' Court, she refused to obey the summons; and how, to avoid the scandal, Livia paid up. On another occasion she was subpoenaed as a witness in a Senatorial enquiry: having no intention of being cross- examined she excused herself from attending and a magistrate was sent to take her deposition down in writing instead. She was a dreadful old woman with a cleft chin and hair kept black with lamp-soot [the grey showing plainly at the roots], and she lived to a great age. Her son, Silvanus, had recently been Consul and was one of those whom ^Emilius approached at the time of his plot. Silvanus went straight to Urgulania and told her about yEmilius' intentions. She passed the news on to Livia and Livia promised to reward them for this valuable information by marrying Silvanus' daughter Urgulanffla to me and so allying them with the Imperial family.
Urgulania was in Livia's confidence and was pretty sure that my uncle Tiberius--not Postumus, though he was Augustus' nearest heir--would be the next Emperor: so this marriage was even more honourable than it seemed.
I had never seen Urgulanilla. Nobody had. We knew that she lived with an aunt at Herculaneum, a town on the slopes of Vesuvius, where old Urgulania had property, but she never came to Rome even on a visit. We concluded that she must be delicate. But when Livia wrote me one of her curt cruel notes, to the effect that it had just been decided at a family council that I should many the daughter of Silvanus Plautius, and that this was a more appropriate match for me, considering my infirmities, than the two previously projected, I suspected that there was something much more seriously wrong with this Urgulanilla than mere ill-health.
A cleft palate, perhaps, or a strawberry mark across half her face? Something at any rate that made her quite unpresentable. Perhaps she was a cripple like myself.
I wouldn't mind that. Perhaps she was a very nice girl really, but misunderstood.
We might have a lot in common. Of course, it would not be like marrying Camilla, but it might at least be better than marrying./Emilia.
The day was chosen for our betrothal. I asked Germanicus about Urgulanilla, but he was as much in the dark as I was, and seemed a little ashamed of having consented to the marriage without making careful enquiries beforehand.
He was very happy with Agrippina and wanted me to be happy too. Well, the day came, a 'lucky' one, and there I was again in my chaplet and clean gown again waiting at the family-altar for the bride to arrive. 'The third time's lucky,'
said Germanicus. 'I am sure she's a beauty, really, and kind and sensible and just the sort for you.' But was
