At this order of Mercury's Narcissus darted off. The road to Hell's gate is all downhill and, as Virgil remarks somewhere, very easy going; so though Narcissus was suffering from gout it only took him a moment to arrive. Before the gate lay Cerberus or, as I think Horace calls him, 'the five-score-pated-beast'.' Narcissus was no hero: he was used to a little white lapdog bitch, and when he saw this enormous shaggy black cur, not at all the sort of animal you- would like to meet in a dark place like Hell, he was thoroughly scared. He gave his message, `Claudius is here,' in a loud yell.
For answer there came a burst of cheering and out marched a troop of ghosts. They were chanting the well- known song:
He's found, he's found l
Let joy resound! 0 clap; your hands,
The lost is found!
The choir included Gaius Silius, Consul-Elect, Juncus the ex-magistrate Sextus Traulus, Marcus Helvius, Trogus, Cotta, Vettius Valens, Fabius - Roman knights whom Narcissus had ordered for execution: Mnester the comedian was there, whose appearance Claudius had improved by the removal of his head: Hell was buzzing now with the news of Claudius's arrival and everyone ran for Messalina. His freedmen, Polybius, Myron; Harpocras, Amphaeus, and Pheronactus were the first. Claudius had sent them all on ahead here, not wanting to be unescorted anywhere. Then, came two Guards Commanders, Catonius Justus and-Rufrius Pollio. Then his friends Saturninus Lusius, Pedo Pompey and the two Asinius brothers, Lupus and Celer. Finally came Lesbia, his brother's daughter, and Helen, his sister's daughter, and sons-in-law and fathers-in-law-and mothers-in-law the entire family in fact. They formed up and marched off in a body to meet Claudius. Claudius stared at them and exclaimed in surprise, `Why, what a lot of friends! How in the world did you all get here?' Pedo answered: `How did we get here indeed, you bloodthirsty villain! How dare you ask us that? Who sent us here but you yourself, the man who kills all his friends? We're going to prosecute you now, so come along. I'll show you the way to the Criminal Courts.'
Pedo brought him into Aeacus's court; Aeacus was the judge, who tried murder cases under the Cornelian Law. Pedo requested him to take the prisoner's name and then filled in the charge-sheet:
Senators murdered: 35.
Knights, Roman, murdered: 221.
Other persons: impossible to keep accurate records.
Claudius applied for counsel, but nobody volunteered to act for him. At last out stepped Publius Petronius, an old drinking friend who could talk the Claudian language quite well, and claimed a remand. Aeacus refused to grant it, so Pedo Pompey began his speech for the prosecution, shouting at the top of his voice. Counsel for the defence attempted to reply, but Aeacus, who is a most conscientious judge, ruled him out of order, and summed up on the case as presented by the prosecution. Then he pronounced:
As the rascal did, he must
Himself be done by. And that's just.
An extraordinary silence followed. Everyone was amazed at the decision, which was considered to be entirely, without precedent. Claudius himself, of course, could have quoted precedents, but thought it monstrously unjust nevertheless. Then there was a long argument about the sort of punishment he ought to be awarded. Some said that Sisyphus had been rolling his stone up that hill quite long enough now, and some said that Tantalus ought to be relieved before he died of thirst, and some again said that it was time for a drag to be put on the wheel on which Ixion was perpetually being broken. But Aeacus decided not to let, off any of these old hands for fear Claudius might count on getting a similar respite himself some day. Instead, some new sort of punishment had to be instituted: they must think of some utterly senseless task conveying the general idea of a greedy ambition perpetually disappointed. Aeacus finally, delivered the sentence, which was that Claudius should rattle dice for ever in a dice-cup with no bottom to it.
So the, prisoner began working out his sentence at once, fumbling for the dice as they fell and never getting any further with the game.
Ay, for so often as he shook the cup
And ready sat to cast them on the board,
The dice would vanish through the hole beneath.
Then would he gather them again,
and seek To rattle them and cast them as before.
But still they cheated him, and cheated him,
Retiring through the bottom of the cup.
And when once more he stooped to pick them up.
They slipped between his fingers and escaped,
And endlessly continued to escape
As when his rock with labour infinite
Sisyphus rolls unto Hell's mountain-peak
But down it comes, rebounding on his neck.
Suddenly who should come in but Gaius Caligula. 'Why, that's a slave of mine, said Caligula. 'I claim him!' He produced witnesses who testified that they had often seen him flogging Claudius with whips and birch-rods, and knocking him about with his fists. So the claim was allowed, and Claudius was handed over to his master. However, Caligula made a present of him to Aeacus, and Aeacus handed him over to his freedman Menander, who set him the task of keeping the court records.
[Trans. by R. G.]
SEQUEL
Table of Contents
me to
