rumble of the war, like a roll of thunder that had no end. The sleepy moon was out again, and the five-pointed stars.
They'd had to carry Julian off the ship. The boost Giles had given him had worn off, and his injuries hurt him more as the warmth went out of the day. But he seemed cheerful enough now, sitting as close to the fire as he could, toasting marshmallows on a stick. The Bear and the Goat sat on either side of him, trying to give support through their company. The Goat kept burning his marshmallows because he was always too busy talking to pay them the proper attention. The Bear ate them anyway, to keep the peace. Finlay sat opposite them, with Evangeline at his side, as always. Toby and Flynn had three sticks each, and were stuffing their faces with marshmallows as fast as they could toast them. Toby kept Halloweenie busy running back and forth fetching them more. He was a little slower than he had been, with his new metal splints and staples holding his bones together, but he was happy as always to be of use. Giles sat a little apart from everyone, smoking an evil-smelling cigar and saying nothing. He showed no interest in the marshmallows. Poogie the Friendly Critter also sat by himself, as though unsure he was really welcome. The Captain and Anything stayed on board the Merry Mrs. Trusspot, to keep an eye on things, they said. And so everyone sat around the fire, and ate marshmallows, and sang songs and talked on into the night. And finally, they got around to the subject of childhood.
Bruin Bear started it off. Finlay had been talking about some of the stranger worlds he'd seen in his travels, and the Bear asked what he made of Shannon's World, the planet intended for adult children. Finlay frowned.
'It's hard to tell what this place was really like before the war, but I think I can see the attraction. A place free of adult cares and worries, a chance to be a child again. To get childhood right, the way it should have been. Few childhoods are really happy, except for those with extremely selective memories. I was no good at being a child. I had no gift for it. I just wanted it to be over, so I could enter the much more interesting world that adults moved in.
'In Clan Campbell, like all Clans, children are trained to be useful members of the Family from a very early age. And a fighter, too, because my Family had many enemies, and just by being born I had become part of feuds and vendettas going back centuries. I took to that early, too much so for my conservative parents, who feared a scandal if their designated son and heir killed anyone important in an unsanctioned duel.
'I never saw much of my parents. Dad was always off somewhere else, running the Clan, taking care of Family business. And Mother Dear preferred the Social whirl to raising children. Typical Clan parents. I had an endless series of nannies and tutors, determined to teach me the proper way of things, and try and keep me out of trouble. I didn't have many friends. Real friends. Companions outside the Family were discouraged, and inside the Clan we were all too busy jockeying for position and influence. But I had toys. All the toys I could handle.
'I remember the stories of Bruin Bear and the Sea Goat, and their adventures in the Golden Lands. I used to dream of traveling with them, into the lands beyond the sunset. And now here I am, traveling with them for real. Eerie.' He smiled across the fire at the toys. 'You're just like I remember you. It's like meeting old friends I haven't seen in years. Maybe the only real friends I had, as a child. No wonder so many people came here. To enjoy the childhood they wish they'd had. Or only had in dreams.'
'I envy you those dreams,' said Evangeline. 'I never had a childhood. As a clone, I came into this world fully grown. Born from cell scrapings from the original Evangeline. Daddy needed me, to replace the daughter he'd murdered. So I was raised in secret, told about a childhood I never had, and then sent out into the world to be an adult, even though I was only six months old. Most of what I see here is… strange to me. I never had toys. Or pets. Daddy didn't want me to have anything in my life but him. I've never played. Never been free of secrets and responsibilities. I see the toys here, and I don't know what to do with them, how to talk to them. But something in me wants to hold them, or be held by them, or just to run and chase and laugh in the sunlight, as though it's something I've always wanted, and never knew it.' She stopped abruptly, unshed tears thickening her voice. Finlay put his arm round her.
'We're here for you,' said Bruin Bear. 'We'll always be here for you.'
'Hell,' said Toby. 'Didn't anyone here have a normal childhood? Surely we didn't all come from a disfunctional Family?'
'I had a great childhood,' said Julian unexpectedly. He stopped and looked suspiciously at Flynn. 'That camera is off, isn't it?'
'Trust me,' said Flynn. 'I, of all people, understand the need for privacy on occasion. Speak freely.'
Julian sniffed, only half-convinced, but carried on, glancing occasionally at the camera to make sure its crimson eye wasn't glowing. His voice became clearer and warmer as he walked in memories of happier times.
'My elder brother Auric and I were always very close, which is unusual in most Families. Normally brothers only see each other as competitors for the inheritance and control of the Clan. There can only be one inheritor. Everyone else gets the shitty end of the stick. But Auric and I hit it off, right from the beginning. He raised me, much more than any nanny or tutor. In fact, most of the time it was us against them. We had a great childhood. Did everything together. Shared our toys. Don't think we ever had a quarrel that lasted more than a few minutes.
'As we grew older, became teenagers, our parents tried to separate us. Auric was groomed to take over the Family on our father's death. I was supposed to go into the military, to be discarded and forgotten, unless the unthinkable happened, and Auric died, and I had to be recalled to take his place. But we refused to be separated. We were still each other's best friend, chosen companion, brothers by choice as well as blood. Even when I discovered I was an esper.
'Which came as something of a shock. Families guard their genetic histories very carefully, but somewhere along the line, someone slept with someone they shouldn't have, and the esper inheritance went skinny-dipping in our gene pool. And emerged in me. I knew I couldn't tell my parents. They'd have had me killed in a carefully arranged accident, rather than suffer the disgrace of an esper child. Espers are subhuman. Property. Always. But I knew I could tell Auric. He covered up for me, kept me alive when my shame made me feel like killing myself, and never once saw me as anything less than the brother I'd always been. When it became clear I needed training in how to use and hide my esp, he even tracked down the contacts that led me into the clone and esper underground.
'The only time we ever argued for real was when he fell in love with BB Chojiro. I knew there was something wrong with her even then, but I couldn't put it into words. I thought I was just jealous of her closeness to Auric, so I put it aside and tried to be happy that she made him so happy. But in the end, we were only a small and minor House, and she was Clan Chojiro. To impress her Family, and prove his love for her. Auric went into the Arena to face the Masked Gladiator, and that bloody bastard killed him. He didn't have to. He could have just given Auric an honorable wound, and let him walk away. But instead, he stuck his sword through Auric's eye, just to show off his skill. And that was the end of my childhood.'
Evangeline squeezed Finlay's hand. Julian didn't know, must never know, that his friend and hero Finlay Campbell had been that Masked Gladiator.
'How do you feel about the toys here?' said Evangeline, just to be saying something.
'I can see the attractions of a place like this,' said Julian. 'But it's not for me. I put childhood things behind me after Auric died. I turned my back on my Family, and made the rebellion my life. I didn't have time for distractions anymore. I made a good rebel. No mission was too dangerous, too impossible for me. And then I fell in love with BB Chojiro, and my life came to an end for a second time.
'I was so happy as a child. As though deep within me I knew it was the only happiness I would ever have.'
'That's sad,' said Giles, unexpectedly. 'And unnecessary. Nothing is ever really lost. The memories of good friends and good times are always there, never more than a thought away. In a sense, they never really stopped happening. Every moment you ever treasured, every friend you ever valued is still there, separated from us only by time; the past is still happening and always will be. It's only we who have moved on. I won't tell you about my childhood. It wouldn't mean much to you. Things were very different nine hundred years ago. But I had two wonderful dogs, when I was a boy. Hound dogs. Marvelous trackers. I was never happier than when I was chasing through the woods with them, on the trail of a scent.
'They both died when I was ten years old. They developed growths. Nothing we could do. So I put them to sleep, rather than let them suffer. I still miss them. But I only have to close my eyes to be with them again, and I know that back in the past, a boy and his dogs are still scrambling through the woods in hot pursuit, happy as the day is long. I have no need for a place like this, steeped in false nostalgia and a need to hide from reality. This was a place for weak people.
