What in the hell’s wrong with you, woman?
In the other room, Roland laughed again. Oy barked, and that also sounded like laughter.
Odd’s Lane, Odd Lane… think about it.
What was there to think about? One was the name of the street, the other was the same thing, only without the-
“Whoa-back, wait a minute,” she said in a low voice. Little more than a whisper, really, and who did she think would hear her? Joe was talking- pretty much nonstop, it sounded like-and Roland was laughing. So who did she think might be listening?
The cellar-dweller, if there really was one?
“Whoa-on a minute, just wait.”
She closed her eyes and once more saw the two street-signs on their pole, signs that were actually a little below die pilgrims, because the newcomers had been standing on a snowbank nine feet high. TOWER ROAD, one of the signs had read-that one pointing to the plowed road that disappeared over the horizon. The other, the one indicating the short lane with the cottages on it, had said ODD’s LANE, only…
“Only it didn’t,” she murmured, clenching the hand that wasn’t holding the note into a fist. “It didn’t”
She could see it clearly enough in her mind’s eye: ODDS LANE, with the apostrophe and the S added, and why would somebody do that? Was the sign-changer maybe a compulsive neatnik who couldn’t stand-
What? Couldn’t stand what?
Beyond the closed bathroom door, Roland roared louder than ever. Something fell over and broke. He’s not used to laughing like that, Susannah thought. You best look out, Roland, or you ’ll do yourself damage. Laugh yourself into a hernia, or something.
Think about it, her unknown correspondent had advised, and she was trying. Was there something about the words odd and lane that someone didn’t want them to see? If so, that person had no need to worry, because she sure wasn’t seeing it.
She wished Eddie was here. Eddie was the one who was good at the funky stuff: jokes and riddles and… an…
Her breath stopped. An expression of wide-eyed comprehension started to dawn her face, and on the face of her twin in the mirror. She had no pencil and was terrible at the sort of mental rearrangements that she now had to-
Balanced on the stool, Susannah leaned over the waisthigh washstand and blew on the mirror, fogging it. She printed
0W» IANE-Looked at it with growing understanding and dismay.
In the other room, Roland laughed harder than ever and now she recognized what she should have seen thirty valuable seconds ago: that laughter wasn’t merry. It was jagged and out of control, the laughter of a man struggling for breath. Roland was laughing the way the folken laughed when comedy turned to tragedy. The way folken laughed in hell.
Below 0W» ?AA/? she used the tip of her finger to print t)N»lt)?LO, the anagram Eddie might have seen right away, and surely once he realized the apostrophe-S on the sign had been added to distract them.
In the other room the laughter dropped and changed, becoming a sound that was alarming instead of amusing. Oy was barking crazily, and Roland-
Roland was choking.
Chapter VI:
PATRICK DANVILLE
ONE
She wasn’t wearing her gun. Joe had insisted she take the La-ZBoy recliner when they’d returned to the living room after dinner, and she’d put the revolver on the magazine-littered endtable beside it, after rolling the cylinder and drawing the shells.
The shells were in her pocket.
Susannah tore open the bathroom door and scrambled back into the living room. Roland was lying on the floor between the couch and the television, his face a terrible purple color. He was scratching at his swollen throat and still laughing.
Their host was standing over him, and the first thing she saw was that his hair-that baby-fine, shoulder-length white hair-was now almost entirely black. The lines around his eyes and mouth had been erased. Instead often years younger, Joe Collins now looked twenty or even thirty years younger.
The son of a bitch.
The vampire son of a bitch.
Oy leaped at him and seized Joe’s left leg just above the knee. “Twenny-five, sissy-four, nineteen, hiker Joe cried merrily, and kicked out, now as agile as Fred Astaire. Oy flew through the air and hit the wall hard enough to knock a plaque reading GOfJSJseS amp;OaRtiOMe to the floor. Joe turned back to Roland.
“What I think,” he said, “is that women need a reason to have sex.” Joe put one foot on Roland’s chest-like a big-game hunter with his trophy, Susannah thought. “Men, on the other hand, only need a place Bing!” He popped his eyes. “The thing about sex is that God gives men a brain and a dick, but only enough blood to operate one at a-”
He never heard her approach or lift herself into the La-ZBoy in order to gain the necessary height; he was concentrating too completely on what he was doing. Susannah laced her hands together into a single fist, raised them to the height of her right shoulder, then brought them down and sideways with all the force she could manage. The fist struck the side of Joe’s head hard enough to knock him away. She had connected with solid bone, however, and the pain in her hands was excruciating.
Joe staggered, waving his arms for balance and looking around at her. His upper lip rose, exposing his teeth-perfectly ordinary teeth, and why not? He wasn’t the sort of vampire who survived on blood. This was Empathica, after all. And the face around those teeth was changing: darkening, contracting, turning into somediing that was no longer human. It was die face of a psychotic clown.
“You,” he said, but before he could say anydiing else, Oy had raced forward again. There was no need for the bumbler to use his teeth this time because their host was still staggering. Oy crouched behind the thing’s ankle and Dandelo simply fell over him, his curses ceasing abrupdy when he struck his head. The blow might have put him out if not for the homey rag rug covering the hardwood. As it was he forced himself to a sitting position almost at once, looking around groggily.
Susannah knelt by Roland, who was also trying to sit up but not doing as well. She seized his gun in its holster, but he closed a hand around her wrist before she could pull it out.
Instinct, of course, and to be expected, but Susannah felt close to panic as Dandelo’s shadow fell over them.
“You bitch, I’ll teach you to interrupt a man when he’s on a-”
“Roland, let it go!” she screamed, and he did.
Dandelo dropped, meaning to land on her and crush the gun between them, but she was an instant too quick. She rolled aside and he landed on Roland, instead. Susannah heard the tortured Owuff! as the gunslinger lost whatever breath he had managed to regain. She raised herself on one arm, panting, and pointed the gun at the one on top, the one undergoing some horridly busy change inside his clothes. Dandelo raised his hands, which were empty. Of course they were, it wasn’t his hands he used to kill with. As he did so, his features began to pull together, becoming more and more surface things-not features at all but markings on some animal’s hide or an insect’s carapace.
“Stop!” he cried in a voice that was dropping in pitch and becoming something like a cicada’s buzz. “I want to tell you the one about the archbishop and the chorus girl!”
“Heard it,” she said, and shot him twice, one bullet following another into his brain from just above what had been his right eye.
TWO
Roland floundered to his feet. His hair was matted to the sides of his swollen face. When she tried to take his hand, he waved her away and staggered to the front door of the little cottage, which now looked dingy and ill-lit to Susannah. She saw there were food-stains on the rug, and a large water-blemish on one wall. Had those things been there before? And dear Lord in heaven, what exactly had they eaten for supper? She decided she didn’t want to know, as long as it didn’t make her sick. As long as it wasn’t poisonous.
Roland of Gilead pulled open the door. The wind ripped it from his grasp and threw it against the wall with a bang. He staggered two steps into the screaming blizzard, bent forward with his hands placed on his lower thighs, and vomited. She saw the jet of egested material, and how the wind whipped it away into the dark. When Roland came back in, his shirt and the side of his face were rimed with snow. It was fiercely hot in the cottage; that was something else Dandelo’s glammer had hidden from them until now. She saw that the thermostat-a plain old Honeywell not much different from the one in her New York apartnient-was still on the wall. She went to it and examined it. It was twisted as far as it would go, beyond the eighty-five-degree mark. She pushed it back to seventy with the tip of a finger, then turned to survey the room. The fireplace was actually twice the size it had appeared to them, and rilled with enough logs to make it roar like a steel-furnace. There was nothing she could do about that for the time being, but it would eventually die down.
The dead thing on the rug had mostly burst out of its clothes. To Susannah it now looked like some sort of bug with misshapen appendages- almost arms and legs-sticking out of the sleeves of its shirt and the legs of its jeans. The back of the shirt had split down the middle and what she saw in the gap was a kind of shell on which rudimentary human features were printed. She would not have believed anything could be worse dian Mordred in his spider-form, but this thing was. Thank God it was dead.
The tidy, well-lit cottage-like something out of a fairytale, and hadn’t she seen that from the first?-was now a dim and smoky peasant’s hut. There were still electric lights, but they looked old and long-used, like the kind of fixtures one might find in a flophouse hotel. The rag rug was dark with dirt as well as splotched with spilled food, and
