The Underground Man

“No.”

“What did he say?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Well, did he refuse to answer, or did he say something else?”

“He replied with non sequiturs. Irrational and illogical.”

“And abusive?”

“Yes.”

“Generally abusive, or abusive toward you?”

“Both.”

“Ah,” Steve said. “That’s interesting. Let’s talk about the abuse directed toward you. I take it Mr. Walsh made several unflattering remarks?”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“Perhaps reflecting upon your person?”

“That’s right.”

Steve smiled. “And perhaps a few suggestions, which if taken literally, could have imperiled your physical well-being?”

Dr. Feldspar shifted in his chair. “That is correct,” he snapped.

“I see,” Steve said. “Now, tell me. What other tests did you administer?”

“No other tests.”

“That was all?”

“That was quite sufficient in my opinion.”

“You certified Mr. Walsh insane on the basis of that one test?”

Dr. Feldspar drew himself up indignantly. “I did not. I most certainly did not. You are putting words in my mouth. That was the only test I administered, but that was not the only basis for my certification.”

“Oh? What other basis was there?”

“There were dozens.”

“Such as?”

Dr. Feldspar smiled. “Come, come, Counselor. When a wealthy man chooses to dress in rags and live on the subways with the bums and bag ladies-”

Steve held up his hand. “Whoa. One minute, Doctor. Hold it right there. You don’t know Jack Walsh lived on the subway, do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“You ever see Jack Walsh on the subway?”

“No.”

“Ever observe him hanging out with bums and bag ladies?”

“No.”

“No, I didn’t think so, Doctor. You only know that from what Jason Tindel and Fred Grayson told you, don’t you?”

“Naturally.”

“But that’s hearsay, Doctor. That’s not admissible in a court of law.”

“I’m not a court of law. I’m a qualified psychiatrist.”

“I understand. But we’re in a court of law now, Doctor. And these things must be proven.

“Let’s go back to the commitment of Jack Walsh. Are you saying now you based your commitment of Jack Walsh on things people told you?”

“Certainly not. I based it on my own examination.”

“But you just brought up his living on the subway, something you only learned from Fred Grayson and Jason Tindel.”

“That is a factor. It may not be admissible in a court of law, but it is certainly a factor. I have to weigh all aspects of the situation.”

“I understand. And one of those aspects is the fact that Jason Tindel and Fred Grayson told you Jack Walsh was living on the subway, isn’t it?”

“It’s a factor to be considered.”

“But let me ask you this, Doctor. Suppose I were to offer evidence that Jason Tindel and Fred Grayson were irrational, insane, and not competent to manage their affairs. Would that in any way change your opinion of the sanity of Jack Walsh?”

“That’s absurd.”

“Why is it absurd?”

“Because it isn’t true.”

“Oh? How do you know?”

“Because I’ve talked to both Jason Tindel and Fred Grayson.” Dr. Feldspar pointed. “They’re here in court now. They’re both rational and quite sane.”

“How do you know, Doctor? Did you ever test them? Did you ever go up to them and say, ‘A rolling stone?’”

Dr. Feldspar took a breath. He looked up at the judge. “Your Honor, do I have to put up with this?”

Judge Washburn nodded. “Counsel is perhaps overzealous and unorthodox, but he is within his rights. Continue, Mr. Winslow.”

“Thank you, Your Honor. Doctor, you’re stating unequivocally that Jason Tindel and Fred Grayson are sane?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Based on no clinical examination, but only on your discussions with them?”

“That is enough.”

“Is it, Doctor? Isn’t it possible for an insane man to masquerade as a sane one?”

“It is.”

“Then how do you know this isn’t such a case?”

“I’m a trained psychiatrist. I could not be fooled.”

“Could you be lied to?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Could you be lied to? By a sane man, I mean. Suppose I could prove to you that Fred Grayson and Jason Tindel had every reason to lie to you-the motivation being greed and profit-could you be taken in by a lie?”

“No, I could not.”

“You could not, Doctor?”

“No. If they were lying to me, I would know it.”

“How?”

“As a psychiatrist, I am a trained observer. I can tell when someone is lying.”

“Really, Doctor? Then I can’t understand why you’re here.”

Dr. Feldspar frowned. “What?”

“Yes. I don’t know why someone with your unique talent hasn’t been snapped up by the Pentagon. You’re wasting your time at Bellevue. You should be down in Washington exposing spies and counterspies. Why, the country would never have to worry again.”

Franklyn was on his feet. “Oh, Your Honor.”

“Exactly,” Judge Washburn said. “Mr. Winslow, I have warned you before. There is no jury here, and I am not going to be taken in by such remarks. So there’s no real harm done. But please, let’s try to confine ourselves to the task at hand.”

“Sorry, Your Honor,” Steve said. “But I hope the point is well taken. With regard to the relevance of what Dr. Feldspar may have been told. Would you sustain me on that point?”

“I’ll go further than that,” Judge Washburn said. “Mr. Winslow’s questions may seem facetious, but the central point is not. Doctor, you were ordered to produce the petitioner in court. You declined to do so. Now, in making that decision, you had better have relied on what you personally observed as a trained psychiatrist, and not