thingie off,” he whimpered.
Oh, brother. I leaned down and looked at the plastic contraption that my mom had installed, trying to remember how she’d worked it earlier. There was a button, a lever, a little red indicator window, and a latch. I pushed the button. Nothing. I flipped the latch, and the indicator turned green, but the lid was still securely stuck. I pushed the button and flipped the latch. Nada.
“Ohmigod, I’m gonna pee my pants,” Marco whined dancing from foot to foot.
“Go use the other bathroom,” I said, gesturing to the master.
Marco bolted, running down the hallway as quickly as a man crossing his legs could.
“Maybe you need to move the lever?” Dana suggested.
I tried that, and the indicator turned red again.
“Maybe move the lever and flip the latch?” she said, doing just that. But the lid didn’t move.
“Did this thing come with instructions?” she asked.
“This one’s locked, too!” Marco screamed from the master bathroom. “I’m gonna burst!”
“Wow, your mom is really taking this baby safety things seriously. I’m impressed,” Dana said, nodding.
“Hurry, oh God, please hurry!” Marco yelled, pee-pee dancing back down the hallway. “These pants are Versace, and I’m two seconds away from tinkling on them!”
“Okay, we can do this,” I said, staring the gadget down. We were three smart, educated, intelligent people. More importantly, we were all over the age of two. We would conquer the baby proof lock.
I moved the lever, flipped the latch and pushed the button. Nothing. I pushed the button, moved the lever, then flipped the latch. Nada.
“Ohmigod. My bladder. She’s gonna burst.”
“You have a female bladder?” Dana asked, giggling.
“Shut up. Don’t make me laugh!” Marco commanded.
“Wait, I think I got it,” I said, feeling the tip of my tongue protrude from my mouth in extreme concentration. I flipped the latch, moved the lever, pushed the button and watched in awe as the little indicator window turned green and the lock fell away in my hand.
“My hero,” Marco yelled, pushing me out of the way and unzipping his pants all in one motion.
Dana and I jumped out of the bathroom, barely getting the door closed before the sound of Niagara Falls hit our ears.
“Oh, sweet mother of all that is liquid, that is heaven,” Marco moaned from the other side of the door.
Well, as long as my baby wasn’t any smarter than Marco, I guess she’d be safe.
We managed to arrive at Sebastian’s without further incident and parked in the circular drive beside the other party-goers’ cars. Marco shoved his hand in his satchel, clutching his rosary beads as we entered through the large, wooden, front doors, the sounds of music and laughter washing over us.
The scene was much like the one Dana and I had witnessed the last time we’d crashed Sebastian's party. Men and women dressed in all manner of black attire sipped drinks, chatting in groups, while a few couples made out in the shadows. Minus the bloodsucking undertones, it was just like any other party in the Hollywood Hills that night.
Only a killer was hosting this one.
“I say we start in Sebastian’s bedroom,” I suggested, gesturing up the winding staircase. “It’s the most likely place he’d hide something personal.”
Dana nodded. “Agreed.”
Marco followed a step behind as we ascended the stairs, brushing past a couple of women in short skirts, long wigs, and gleaming oversized canines. We hit the top landing, then quickly made our way to the master suite Dana and I had found on our earlier trip. I did an over the shoulder, making sure we were alone, then gently turned the knob. Luckily, it moved easily in my hand and a second later we were inside the vampire’s private lair.
“This is so creepy,” Marco said, eyes darting around the room as if searching for signs of bats and coffins.
“It’s just some guy’s bedroom,” I told him. Though I wasn’t entirely comfortable with being there either. Even if Sebastian was just some guy, he was a guy who’d killed two women. The sooner we were out of here with the evidence, the better.
“I’m going to take the bathroom,” I informed my friends, moving to the far end of the room.
I passed through a doorway into a bathroom that was as big as my entire house. Sleek black marble covered the floors while contrasting, white, subway tiles lined the walls. The counters were a dark stone, supporting two clear, vessel sinks. It was more modern than I would have envisioned for a gothic vampire, but I supposed it suited a fake one.
In the absence of an obvious medicine cabinet, I started opening drawers, looking for anything that could be a vial of date-rape drugs. I found a shocking amount of hair products, several toothbrushes, including one very sophisticated electric one, and a healthy supply of whitening strips.
But no murder weapon.
I moved on to the cupboards beneath, coming up with the usual assortment of cleaning supplies. Nothing out of the ordinary or, honestly, very different than what was in my own bathroom cabinets. (Not that I could get into them anymore.)
“Any luck?” I heard Dana call from the other room.
I ducked my head back out. “No. You guys?”
“Nothing,” Dana informed me. “We checked the closets, drawers, under the bed. There are no drugs anywhere.”
I pursed my lips together. This was starting to look like another fruitless investigation.
“This house is huge,” Marco said. “Maybe he hid it in another room?”
I shrugged. “It’s definitely worth looking.”
We quietly slipped from Sebastian’s room, back out into the hallway. I’m sure guilt was etched on each of our faces as a couple came up the stairs, the woman giggling and laughing at something the guy in another long, black wig said, but they seemed too engrossed in each other to notice us.
As soon as they passed us, Marco hissed, “Where to now?”
I looked down the hallway. Six closed doors stared back at me, three on either side.
“I say we split up,” I decided. “It’s the fastest way to search everything before someone finds us here.”
Marco bit his lip. He stuck his hand in his bag again, fingering his rosary beads. He took a deep breath and adjusted his turtleneck. “Okay. I can do this.”
We split off, each of us taking a separate door. Mine turned out to be a library of sorts, books lining the walls all the way to the ceiling on one side. Two large, leather chairs took up the center of the room, while a giant globe sat in the corner against the windows. It had an oddly old-world feel that contrasted with the modern look in the rest of the house.
Luckily, though, it was rather sparsely furnished, making my job easier.
I quickly looked through the few built-in cabinets beside the globe and shuffled a few books looking for any sort of secret hiding places, before ascertaining that the room was clean.
I was beginning to worry that maybe Sebastian had disposed of the evidence this time after all.
I crossed back to the door and put my ear to the wooden panel, listening for voices. Nothing. The hallway was clear. I quickly opened it, slipped outside, and casually walked to the room next door.
This one was dark, the lights shut off. But in the shadows I could make out a double bed and a small dresser. A guest room, if I had to guess. While light would have made searching a whole lot easier, the windows of this room faced directly onto the circular front drive. Anyone down below would have seen it go on. So instead I blinked, adjusting my eyes to the darkness as I felt in front of me toward the dresser.
I quickly went through the drawers, coming up with only spare linens, then began running my hands under the pillow and sheets for anything that felt cold, metal, or lethal.
I was just about to give up, having ascertained that the mattress did not have any secrets stashed under it, when I heard the door open.
I froze, ducking down behind the bed.
