Little Bee

I looked around the room. The sari girl and the girl with no name, they were six beds farther along. I leaned in close to Yevette and I whispered to her.

“Do you know anyone in this country?”

“Sure, darlin. Williyam Shakespeare, Lady Diana, Battle of Britten. Me know dem all. Learned de names for me Citizenship Exam. Yu can test me.”

“No. I mean, do you know where you will go if we can get out of here?”

“Sure darlin. I got pipple in London. Got de half of Jamaica livin down on Cole Harbour Lane. Probly bitchin on how much dey vexed by all de Nye-Jirrians livin nex door. How bout yu? Yu got famly dere?”

I showed her the United Kingdom Driver’s License from my see-through plastic bag. It was a small plastic card with Andrew O’Rourke’s photo on it. Yevette held it up to look at it.

“What ting is dis?”

“It is a driving license. It has the man’s address on it. I am going to visit him.”

Yevette held the photo card close and stared at it. Then she held it far from her eyes and squinted down her nose at it. Then she looked up close again. She blinked.

“Dis is a white man, Lil Bug.”

“I know that.”

“Okay, okay, jus checkin. Jus establishin whether yu blind or stupid.”

I smiled but Yevette did not.

“We should stick together, darlin. Why yu no come to London wid me? For sure we gonna find some of your pipple down dere.”

“But I will not know them, Yevette. I will not know I can trust them.”

“What, and yu trust dis man?”

“I met him once.”

“Scuse me, Bug, but dis man don’t look like yo type.”

“I met him in my country.”

“What de hell was dis man’s business in Nye-Jirrya?”

“I met him on a beach.”

Yevette threw her head back and slapped her thighs.

“WU-ha-ha-ha-ha! Now me see. An dey tole me yu was a virgin!”

I shook my head.

“It was not like that.”

“Don tell me it wasn’t like dat, Lil Miss Sexy-Bug. Yu mus of done someting to de man, make him want to give yu dis vall-able dockerment.”

“His wife was there too, Yevette. She is a beautiful lady. She is called Sarah.”

“So why he give yu his driver license? His wife be so beautiful, he be tinking, Damn, me won’t be needin dis again, me lady so pretty I ain’t nivver gonna drive nowhere no more, me jus gonna sit home an stare at de wife?”

I looked away.

“What, den? Yu stole dis dockerment?”

“No.”

“What, den? What happen?”

“I cannot talk about it. It happened in another lifetime.”

“Mebbe yu bin spending too much time learnin yore fancy English, Lil Bug, cos dat is crazy talk. Yu only be livin one life, darlin. Don’t matter yu don’t uh- preshie-ate part of it, cos it don’t stop bein part of yu.”

I shrugged and I lay back on the bed and I watched the nearest chain dangling from the roof. Every link was joined to the one before and the one after. It was too strong for a girl like me to break. The whole chain swayed back and fro and it shone in the sun from the skylights. Like you could pull on the grown-up end and sooner or later you would get to the child, just like pulling a bucket out of a well. Like you would never be left holding a broken end, with nothing attached to it at all.

“It is hard for me to think about the day I met Andrew and Sarah, Yevette. Now I cannot decide if I should go to visit them or not.”

“So tell me all bout it, Bug. Me tell yu if dey sound good fo yu.”

“I do not want to talk about it with you, Yevette.”

Yevette put her fists on her hips and made her big eyes at me.

“Well get yu, lil miss Africa!”

I smiled.

“I am sure there are parts of your life you do not like to talk about, Yevette.”

“Only so yu no get jealous, Bug. Me tell yu some of de tings me done in me life of ease an luxury, yu be gettin yu self so jealous you gonna explode, and den Sari Girl over dere gonna have to mop up de mess, an she looks tired enough, yu ask me.”

“No, I am serious, Yevette. Do you talk about what happened to you, to make you come to the United Kingdom?”

Yevette stopped smiling.

“Nah. Me tell pipple what happen to me, dey ain’t nivver gonna believe it. Pipple tink Jamaica be all sunshine an ganja an Jah Rastafari. But it ain’t. Yu get on de wrong side of de politics, Bug, dey gonna make yu suffah. An dey gonna make yore famly suffah. An me don’t mean suffah, like no ice cream fo a week. Me mean suffah, like you wake up in you chillen’s blood, an suddenly yo house is very very quiet, fo ivver an ivver, amen.”

Yevette sat completely still and she looked down at her flip-flops. I put my hand on her hand. Above our heads the chains swung to and fro, and then Yevette sighed.

“But pipple nivver believe dat about me country.”

“So what did you tell the man from the Home Office?”

“For me asylum interview? You wanna know what I tole him?”

“Yes.”

Yevette shrugged.

“I tole him if he arrange to get me release from dat place, he can do what he want wid me.”

“I don’t understand.”

Yevette rolled her eyes.

“Well thank de lord de Home Office man was a lil bit smarter dan yu, Bug. Yu nivver notice dey interview rooms didn’t have no windows? Me swear to yu, dat man’s ooman mus of kept her legs cross for de las ten year, de way he took me up on me offer. An it wasn’t jus on de one day, mind. It took de man four interviews fore he was certain me papers was in order, yu know what I’m sayin?”

I stroked her hand.

“Oh Yevette.”

“It was nuthin, Bug. Compare to what dey do to me, if I be sent back to Jamaica? Nuthin.”

Yevette smiled at me. The tears flowed from the corners of her eyes and around the curve of her cheek. I started to wipe her tears away and then I started crying as well, so Yevette had to wipe my tears too. It was funny, because we could not stop crying. Yevette started laughing, and then I was laughing too, and the more we laughed the more we could not stop crying, until we made so much noise that the sari girl hissed at us to shush so we would not disturb the woman with no name, who was making crazy talk to herself in some language.

“Oh, look at de state of us, Bug. What we gonna do wid ourselves?”

“I do not know. You really think you were released because of what you did with the Home Office man?”

“Me know it, Bug. De man even tole me de date.”

“But he didn’t give you your papers?”

“Uh-uh. No papers. Him say dere a limit to his powah, yu see what I’m sayin? He be tickin one little box on de computer to tell dem officers to let us free, him can jus say, Me hand slipped. But approvin de asylum application? Dat’s a diffren story.”

“So you’re illegal now?”

Yevette nodded.

“Yu an me both, Bug. Yu an me an dem other two also. All four of us gettin let out cos of what I done fo de Home Office man.”

“Why all four of us, Yevette?”

“Him say it look suspicious on im, if it just be me gettin let go.”

“How did he choose the rest of us?”

Yevette shrugged.

“Close is eyes and stick a pin in de list, I dunno.”

I shook my head and looked down.

“What?” said Yevette. “Yu no like it, Bug? Yu girls should uhpreshie-ate what I done fo yu.”

“But we can’t do anything without papers, Yevette. Don’t you see? If we had stayed, if we had gone through the proper procedure, maybe they would have released us with papers.”

“Uh-uh, Bug, uh-uh. It don’t work like dat. Not for pipple from Jamaica, an not for pipple from Nye-Jirrya neither. Get dis into yore head, darlin: dere is only one place where de proper procedure ends, an dat is de-por-tay-SHUN.”

She tapped the syllables out on my forehead with the palm of her hand, and then she smiled at me.

“If dey deport us, we gonna be killed when we get back home. Right? Dis way at leas we got a chance, darlin, yu better believe it.”

“But we can’t work if we are illegal, Yevette. We can’t earn money. We can’t live.”

Yevette shrugged.

“Yu can’t live if yu dead, neither. Yu probly too smart to get dat.”

I sighed and I shook my head. Yevette grinned.

“Dat’s what I like to see,” she said. “A young ting like yu being rill-istic. Now, lissen. Yu tink dese English people yu know could help us?”

I looked down at the driver’s license.