Switch

I licked my mouth, tasted the salt of my sweat. I listened to

the sound of my breathing stil coming fast. I roled to get

the tiny bottle from under my ribs and tossed it into the

trash can by my bed, and then I tucked my legs up toward

my chest with my extra pilow in my arms, hugging the

lover who wasn't there.

The notes started coming more frequently. Every morning

before I left for work, or sometimes when I came home,

there was another sleek card teling me how to go about

my day. Sometimes the list was short, a sentence or two.

Listen to your favorite radio station today. Sing out loud.

Sometimes the instructions were lengthier. More

demanding.

At eleven-thirty today you will stop what you are doing

and focus on one thing in your life that makes you

happy. For thirty seconds you will do nothing but

appreciate this reason for joy.

I'd spent the entire morning waiting for eleven-thirty to

arrive, half-afraid I'd forget and half-defiant, imagining I'd

refuse when the time came to folow the instructions. I did,

of course, helpless to resist in the same way someone

who's told not to think of the pink elephant can do nothing

else.

If there is someone in your life whom you've hurt, you

must make a true apology.

That one had been easy enough. I hadn't seen Kira in

weeks and arranged to meet her after work for coffee in

Hershey, halfway between Harrisburg and Lebanon. She

wasn't quite ready to forgive me.

'But can you blame me?' I asked over steaming mocha

lattes. 'I mean…Kira…it's Jack.'

'Jack Rabbit,' she said. 'Yes. I know.'

I raised a brow. 'I'm sorry. It wasn't when you were even

I raised a brow. 'I'm sorry. It wasn't when you were even

close to being with him.'

She sighed, then, and shrugged. 'I know. I guess I'm just

pissed you got him and I didn't. But then, so what else is

new?'

That wasn't exactly what I'd expected to hear. 'Huh?'

She pretended to be very interested in her new beige

manicure. 'Just like every guy I ever liked, right?'

'What are you talking about?'

She leveled a look at me. 'Austin?'

'What about him?'

Kira just stared, then looked away.

I had to laugh. I realy did. 'You tried to get with Austin?

But you were mad at me for fooling around with Jack?

What a hypocrite!'

Her eyes flashed. 'You knew how I felt about Jack! It was

different with Austin.'