Mr. Lazlo was one of the nicer of the scheme peddlers I met. There were a dozen not nearly as nice. Of these Mr. Sylvester was one.
My phone rang in my room.
“This is John Sylvester speaking,” the voice said. “You don’t know me but I’m a talent scout for Mr. Samuel Goldwyn.”
I managed to say, “How do you do.”
“We’re looking for a girl of your general appearance,” said Mr. Sylvester, “for one of the parts in the new Goldwyn picture. It’s not a big part, but a very important one.”
“Do you want to see me now?” I asked.
“Yes, I’ll pick you up in a few minutes,” Mr. Sylvester said. “I’m in the vicinity. And we’ll go over to the studio.”
“I’ll be downstairs,” I said.
I stood in front of my house and shook with excitement. It had happened! I wouldn’t fail! Once they let me inside nothing would ever get me out. An important part! In a Goldwyn picture! He made the best ones. And he made stars, too.
A car stopped, and a middle-aged man smiled at me.
“Hop in, Miss Dougherty,” he said.
I hopped in. We drove to the rear gate of the Goldwyn Studio.
“I always go in this way,” Mr. Sylvester said. “It’s a short cut.”
It was seven o’clock and the place was deserted.
“We’ll go to my office,” Mr. Sylvester said, steering me by the elbow. “I’ll audition you there.”
We walked up a flight of steps, down a hallway. Mr. Sylvester stopped in front of a door.
“I hope they haven’t locked me out,” he said. “No—still open.”
I noticed the name Dugan on the door and Mr. Sylvester said, patting my back, “Dugan and I share this office—for audition purposes.”
It was a well-furnished office. Mr. Sylvester told me to sit down on the couch.
“What do you want me to audition?” I asked.
Mr. Sylvester picked a script from the desk and handed it to me. It was the first movie script I had ever held in my hands.
“Which part do you wish me to read?” I asked. I could hardly get the words out of my mouth. I kept thinking, “Get hold of yourself. You’re an actress. You mustn’t let your face twitch.”
“Try one of the long speeches,” Mr. Sylvester said.
I looked up at him surprised. He seemed almost as excited as me. I opened the script and began to read.
“Would you please raise your dress a few inches,” Mr. Sylvester interrupted.
I lifted the hem above my knee and kept on reading.
“A little higher please,” said Mr. Sylvester.
I lifted the hem to my thighs without missing a word of the speech.
“I will always love you.” I read in the throbbing voice I used for “Hail To Thee, Blithe Spirit,” “No matter what becomes of me, Alfred.”
“A little higher,” Mr. Sylvester said again.
I thought that Mr. Sylvester was probably in a hurry and wanted to audition my figure and emotional talents at the same time. Still reciting from the script I pulled my dress up and uncovered my thighs. And suddenly Mr. Sylvester was on the couch. For a moment I was too sick at heart to move. I saw Mr. Sylvester plain. The whole thing was a fake. He didn’t work for Goldwyn. It wasn’t his office. He had pulled the audition gag in order to get me alone on a couch. I sat with my dress up and the treasured script in my hand while Mr. Sylvester started pawing me. Then I moved. I socked him in the eye, jumped up, kicked him, and banged my heel down on his toes—and ran out of the building.
For some time afterward Mr. Sylvester’s words haunted me as if I had heard the true voice of Hollywood —“Higher, higher, higher.”
10
In Hollywood a girl’s virtue is much less important than her hair-do. You’re judged by how you look, not by what you are. Hollywood’s a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents.
It wasn’t because I had moral ideas. Nor because I saw what happened to girls who took money from men and let men support them as their sweeties. Nothing happened to such girls that wouldn’t have happened to them anyway. Sometimes they got ditched and had to hook up with new lovers; or they got their names in the movie columns for being seen in the smart places, and this landed them jobs in the studios. Or, after going from love nest to love nest for a few years, they met someone who fell in love with them and got married and had children. A few of them even became famous.
It may be different in other places, but in Hollywood “being virtuous” is a juvenile sounding phrase like “having the mumps.”
Maybe it was the nickel Mr. Kimmel once gave me, or maybe it was the five dollars a week the orphanage used to sell me for, but men who tried to buy me with money made me sick. There were plenty of them. The mere fact that I turned down offers ran my price up.
I was young, blonde, and curvaceous, and I had learned to talk huskily like Marlene Dietrich and to walk a little wantonly and to bring emotion into my eyes when I wanted to. And though these achievements landed me no job they brought a lot of wolves whistling at my heels. They weren’t just little wolves with big schemes and frayed cuffs. There were bona fide check signers, also.
I rode with them in their limousines and sat in swanky cafes with them, where I usually ate like a horse to make up for a week of skimpy drugstore counter meals.
And I went to the big Beverly Hills homes with them and sat by while they played gin or poker. I was never at ease in these homes or in the swanky cafes. For one thing my clothes became cheap and shabby looking in swell surroundings. I had to sit with my legs in such a position that the runs or the mends in my stockings wouldn’t show. And I had to keep my elbows out of sight for the same reason.
The men like to show off to each other and to the kibitzers by gambling for high stakes. When I saw them hand hundred and even thousand dollar bills to each other, I felt something bitter in my heart. I remembered how much twenty-five cents and even nickels meant to the people I had known, how happy ten dollars would have made them, how a hundred dollars would have changed their whole lives.
When the men laughed and pocketed the thousands of dollars of winnings as if they were made of tissue paper, I remembered my Aunt Grace and me waiting in line at the Holmes Bakery to buy a sackful of stale bread for a quarter to live on a whole week. And I remembered how she had gone with one of her lenses missing from her glasses for three months because she couldn’t afford the fifty cents to buy its replacement. I remembered all the sounds and smells of poverty, the fright in people’s eyes when they lost jobs, and the way they skimped and drudged in order to get through the week. And I saw the blue dress and white blouse walking the two miles to school again, rain or shine, because a nickel was too big a sum to raise for bus fare.
I didn’t dislike the men for being rich or being indifferent to money. But something hurt me in my heart when I saw their easy come, easy go thousand dollar bills.
One evening a rich man said to me, “I’ll buy you a couple of real outfits, fur coats and all. And I’ll pay your rent in a nice apartment and give you an eating allowance. And you don’t even have to go to bed with me. All I ask is to take you out to cafes and parties and for you to act as if you were my girl. And I’ll say good night to you outside your door and never ask you to let me in. It’ll just be a make-believe affair. What do you say?”
I answered him, “I don’t like men with fancy schemes like you. I like straightforward wolves better. I know
