She felt warm. Dizzy. And an increasing blackness.
The man let her limp body fall to the floor. He took the towel from her neck and used it to tie her wrists together behind her. He turned her over onto her back lying awkwardly on her tied hands. He spread her legs and ran his hands over her jeans feeling her thighs. He straddled her, sitting on her legs with his knees on the floor.
She moved. She was alive.
“Sandy...that your name?” His voice was low, almost as though talking only to himself. “Mother told me about you. Been watching you. What you doing here?”
It had to be Toby. She gasped and tried to catch her breath. All she could do was whisper, “Abby went to the store. Gave me the key. She’ll be back any minute. You’re breaking my arms, you bastard. Get off me.”
“I hope they’re not broken. I know I’m heavy on you, but think I’ll stay right here on your legs so you don’t start kicking.”
“Let me sit up.” She tried to think. This is Toby. This is the son. Evidently, he’s afraid of his stepmother. Perhaps afraid of all women. She gave it a try, “Toby, let me get on that couch this very minute!”
“Of course, the couch. Would be better. Sorry, didn’t think of that.” He helped her up and over to the couch. She was slightly dizzy and fell back hard on the cushions, her hands still bound behind her. He took a dining room chair and positioned it directly in front of her. He sat with her knees clamped between his.
“Maybe I should tie her feet together,” he muttered under his breath. “You know what I need? Something in case she starts screaming. A dishcloth from the kitchen. Just go ahead and stuff it in her mouth, I guess.”
She shook her head fiercely. “Don’t gag me. I won’t scream.”
“Of course, you’re going to say that.” He reached into his pocket. He unfolded a knife. The blade was slightly curved with an angry serrated edge on one side.
She saw the glint of steel in the growing darkness. “You don’t need a knife either.” She tried to keep her voice calm. The dark traces of dried blood on the knife paralyzed her for an instant. She hoped he hadn’t noticed.
“This is my hog knife, to gut wild hogs. Hogs are smart you know that? They squirm around and make a lot of noise at first, trying to get away. Eventually they give up and quiet down. Then I can take my time with them. They just lie there whimpering which I guess is a hog’s way of crying. The first time it was me who gave up. I learned you have to keep on until they realize struggling won’t do them any good. They might as well relax. I'm going to do what I want with them. You like knives? Some people are really scared of knives.” He held it up and turned it so the long blade caught the light. “I keep this super sharp. Getting all the blood off is a real bitch.”
“I’m not scared of your stupid knife. Now put it away. If you need it, you can always pull it out.” In fact, she was more afraid of the dishtowel. He had nearly strangled her with it. Another five seconds would have done it. He had relaxed his grip on the towel just in time. Was it a fluke that he let go when he did, or did he in fact know what he was doing?
“I don’t get why you’re talking like this. Giving me orders. I’ve got the knife and you’re tied up.”
“You’re right Toby. You’re the man. You’re in control. Why don’t you untie my hands? You’ve got me trapped. I can’t go anywhere. You’re too strong for me.”
“You sound real corny.”
“Look, Toby, we started off wrong. We haven’t really met. You seem like a nice enough guy.” She forced a nice smile. “Let’s go where we can get comfortable and really get to know each other.”
“Yeah, we could do that, if I was dumb as pie dough. That’s what mother says, dumb as pie dough. But if you’re going to act as if everything’s cool then you won’t mind if I yank your shirt up and check out what you got.”
Her impulse was to struggle, but struggling would confirm his being in control. She just fiercely glared at him. “Don’t you dare touch me.”
“Now there you go. What’s this don’t you dare touch me, shit? I have the knife. You know, I could force you to take off all your clothes. You’d be sitting there naked and you wouldn’t be hiding stuff like you girls do. You saying my knife isn’t enough. I also need permission to touch you?”
“That’s right, if you don’t have my permission, it would be a criminal act to touch me. Have you been doing many criminal acts, Toby?
“I’ve done some pretty weird shit.”
“By weird shit, do you mean illegal acts or just stuff that was wrong?”
“When I think of wrong I just think of black. Black smoke all full in my head. Wrong is black and bad. I don’t know what else about it. What if I thought about a lot of terrible things? And I did some of them because I liked doing them. Does that make me bad?”
“You can think about a lot of terrible things and that’s normal. There’s exciting things you can do without hurting other people. I think you know the difference.”
“I like to look at pictures of naked women. That’s exciting and doesn’t hurt other people. You saying that don’t make me bad?”
“No, that’s normal. You’re wired to like pictures of naked women. Males are made that way. That’s what keeps the species going.” She wanted the words back immediately. That bit of anthropology only confused him. How senseless to have said it; she was trying to empathize enough to influence him. She tried to recover, “The trick is to recognize the feeling, realize it’s normal, and move on to something constructive.”
“No, the trick is to find more pictures. Anyway, you’re wrong. I happen to know it’s bad to look at dirty pictures. Everyone knows that. And you know it too. You’re trying to mess with my head. I know what you’re trying to do right now. Saw it on TV. Don’t you love those movies where the bad guy is about to attack the hot girl and she’s in a corner all shook. She’s got this skirt that’s kind of up, you know. Too bad you have on jeans. Anyway, he’s drooling and looking at her with those funny eyes they can make bad people have in the movies. And she tries to keep him talking because there’s scissors or something just out of reach she can stab him with if only she can keep him distracted until she can get it. She tries to get in his head to confuse him and give her time. You know what I’m saying?”
He seemed a bit smarter than she’d expected. Moron #2 his stepmother had called him. She didn’t think for a moment he was brainless. “Tell me if Jamie is okay.”
“I don’t really know if she’s okay.”
“But she’s alive, isn’t she? At least tell me if she’s alive.”
“I don’t want to talk about her now. Maybe I will after we’ve gotten acquainted.”
“So, that’s it. I’m supposed to make a trade with you.”
“Don’t know what you mean by that. I just don’t want to talk about the kid.”
“Just tell me, is she alive?”
“This is like that movie where the beautiful girl is helpless, but she’s really smart, see. And she tries to explain to the bad guy it’s going down because he hates his mother. She keeps at him until at the end he gets all shook and like comes all apart. You’d be good doing that. Except I already know I hate my stepmother and she hates me. That’s not news. Don’t know my real mother guess I hate her too.”
This wasn’t good, she knew. He spoke more forcefully and now made eye contact. Becoming confident. Losing his fear of her. No question he was dangerous, the way he came in and attacked her. She was uncertain how to handle him. She didn’t know which button to push and which to avoid. She didn’t want him thinking about naked women that was certain. It was quite possible nothing she did would deter him from what he had in mind. She tried to put him back on the defensive. “You ever make it with a consenting woman?”
“There have been girls.”
“Name someone.”
“Well...there’s Crystal. She’ll do anything I want and she’s always around. Keeps her mouth shut, too. And I don’t have to get her hot. If you can get a girl hot, then she’ll do anything. You know about that? That’s what the guys say.”
“You mean the guys in the eighth grade?” Perhaps treating him as a juvenile was her best tactic. It was difficult for her to imagine him functioning socially in the adult world. “You’ve had girlfriends. Didn’t you go out with Abby?”
“Sure, but I hardly ever find anyone like that. I don’t have the looks and never know what to say to a girl. This right here might be the longest conversation I’ve ever had with a girl. I say hello to them and they tell me to fuck
