Half Way Home

ever higher, no part of me thought the thing would ever fly. How could it? It was being built by teenage refugees.

Besides, our enthusiasm for the project waned steadily after Stevens died. Hickson had taken over for enforcing the Colony’s will and did so in a manner that demanded more—and thus received less. Already, I could see people shirking duties to steal a nap or idle away their time. It was a psychological failing I knew well from my studies and was beginning to recognize in myself. One night, lying on the hood of the tractor that had become our official home, Kelvin, Tarsi, Oliver, and I talked about it.

“It’s the free rider problem,” I told Tarsi, who couldn’t understand how the efforts to survive could decline even as the need grew stronger.

“The what?” Oliver asked.

“Free rider,” I said, turning to him. “It’s a problem in game theory, one of the last things I was learning for my profession.”

Kelvin laughed. “For all we know, you would’ve found out a year from now that some other theory proved that one all wrong.”

Tarsi slapped him playfully in my defense, since she and Oliver were between us. I dropped the matter, assuming nobody cared, and tried to enjoy the warmth of the overworked engine as it soaked into my back.

“Aren’t you going to finish?” Tarsi asked.

I cleared my throat. “Well, the problem arises when people figure out they can take a little more than they’re putting in and nobody will notice. It makes sense, actually, for each individual to think this, but when everybody does it, you get problems.”

“How do you stop it?” Tarsi asked.

“Hypnotherapy,” Kelvin said.

All of us laughed except for Oliver, who had turned to the side, expecting a real answer from me.

“I have no idea,” I admitted. “I think one of the guys in my group has some economics training. He might know. All I know is resentment theory, which deals with people like us.”

“Those of us overworked and bitching?” Kelvin asked.

“Pretty much.”

Tarsi stood up and stretched, groaning with exhaustion. She had her bottoms on, but had been using her top as a pillow. I watched her body elongate as she reached to the sky and arched her back. I noticed the way her ribs had become more and more visible. We were all losing weight, but some of us had started with less.

“I’m going to use the bathroom and turn in,” she said. “Anyone else need to go?”

Oliver stood without a word and the two of them moved off together. One of the strange things I had noticed about Oliver over the past few days was how severe his swings in mood were. One minute, the worst events were causing him to assuage us, telling us it was the will of the gods and part of a plan greater than we could know. Other times—when tragedy was in the back of most of our minds—he became sullen and almost what I would diagnose as clinically depressed. I kept meaning to make time to speak with him, to see how he was doing, but the leisure time for even snippets of conversation seemed hard to come by.

After the two of them left, Kelvin slid over next to me. He interlocked his hands behind his head, leaving his elbows pointing up toward the canopy.

“What’s the story between you and Tarsi?” he asked.

“The story?”

“The deal. Are you guys—is there anything there?”

I propped myself up on my side and pulled his elbow down, unhinging it at his shoulder. The light from the cab spilled through the glass behind us, illuminating his face with a dull glow. The flat planes of his skull and his strong brow were highlighted by harsh shadows and low-slanting rays.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “You’re the one that sleeps beside her every night.”

“I’m just asking because—well, I see how you guys are. I just wanted to know before anything happened and one of us had our feelings hurt. And look, I’m being practical as well. We’re a year out before our numbers start going up, you know what I mean?”

I flopped to my back, looking up through the canopy for a fleeting glimpse of a star. Somewhere, one of the local fruit whistled through the air and hit something metal with a loud crack. People had already begun calling them bombfruit for the sound they made as they plummeted from so great a height. As if any of us had ever heard a real bomb before.

“I don’t feel that way about her,” I finally said. And saying it, I realized I meant it. I didn’t feel that way about her. It felt like family, nothing more. Well, could anything be more than family? Maybe it felt like family, nothing less.

Now, Stevens… I think I had felt that way for him. I closed my eyes and tried to feel differently, certain some training module had been missed. Guys weren’t supposed to like other guys.

“Mica’s more your type, isn’t she?” Kelvin asked. He elbowed me in the ribs, chuckling.

“Yeah,” I lied. “She’s more my type.” I sat up, the heat from the engine compartment no longer soothing against my back. “I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, hurrying off to bed.

For some reason, my entire body burned as I went, my face feeling as if it were on fire.

• 7 • Colony

A few mornings later, I made my first major mistake, one that would alter the course of our little colony for the worse. Our foursome had stayed up late the night before, bemoaning the progress on the rocket, the mission package, and the infrastructure needed for long-term survival. We came to a conclusion: the moment Stevens had died, everything had changed. Tarsi told us how Hickson had the supply group scavenging more for parts than food. Kelvin pinpointed Stevens’s demise as the moment construction found themselves pulled off farming and moved solely to propellants.

Hickson had begun misallocating our energy—sapping what remained of it in the process. I had become lazier myself, concentrating more on how hard my neighbor worked or how much the person across from me consumed at dinner rather than looking to my own labors or my own plate. Maybe it was my training bias. I had been pulled out of—and was therefore permanently stuck in—the late twentieth Earth century. I knew from experiments there that we would all be dead before the rocket was complete if we continued down our current path.

So I decided to take action. Later that morning, I went to have a talk with Colony.

I found Myra at the door of the command module. She and a few others from that first night had taken up residence in the structure. Hickson had moved in after Stevens died; rumor even had it that his handful of belongings showed up before the funeral.

As I approached, I noticed how tired Myra looked. From what little I knew of her, I had a hard time imagining how she could cohabitate with the guy presently running our colony into the ground. She attempted a smile by way of greeting but couldn’t quite manage it.

“How’re you holding up?” I asked her.

“Fine,” she said, nodding her head. “Hickson’s not here, if that’s who you’re after.”

“Hickson? I’ve got nothing to say to him. Why would you think I came for him?”

“Oh. He told me this morning he really needed to speak with you.” She looked past me toward the cluster of modules and parked tractors. “Must’ve crossed paths.”

“I came to see how you were doing, see if you wanted to come spend a night with us. We have a little group that sleeps in a construction tractor.” I turned and pointed. In the distance I could see Tarsi and Kelvin still out on the hood. “We talk at night, and I just thought—”

“I know where you sleep,” Myra said. I turned back around and saw her shaking her head. “I can’t. It wouldn’t feel right—”

“What? No!” I laughed and shook my head. “No, not like that. I’m a psychologist. If you need to talk, well, forget my profession, if you just need any friends—”

“I have my group here,” she said. “I’m Hickson’s girl now.”