Susan still had not said anything. She looked him over, ruthlessly, as if he were another patient on the triage list. She was a first lieutenant in the Army Nurse Corps, in plastic surgery; she was a pale, bright, pretty girl from Baltimore; Leets had known her forever, meaning from that magical period only remotely remembered as Before the War. She’d gone to Northwestern too, where she’d dated and, incidentally, married a friend of his who was now on a ship in the Pacific. Leets had run into her six months earlier in the hospital, where his leg had put him.
“Guess I can’t stay away,” he confessed. “I had my mind all made up; it was set. No more Susan. Best for her. Best for me. Best for Phil. But here I am again.”
“This must be the twentieth time you’ve pulled this routine. When you get it just right, you can do it on ‘Jack Benny.’”
“It is pretty funny, I admit.”
“You don’t look so hot,” she said.
“I’m not. You don’t have a date, or anything?”
“Date? I’m married, remember.”
“You know I do.”
“But I do have something later. I said I’d—”
“Still going?”
“Still.”
“They give the Nobel peace prize during a war? You deserve one.”
“How’s the leg, Jim?”
“I should love it; it brought us together.” He’d first seen her with his leg hanging on a line off the ceiling like a prize fish.
“But it’s not so good,” he said to her now, “the goddamn thing still leaks and when it leaks, it really
“There’s still metal in there, right?”
“Real small stuff.”
“Too small for the X-rays. And they keep infecting on you. They’ve got you on penicillin, right?”
“A ton a day.”
“Nobody’ll catch the clap from you, that’s for sure.”
“Hear from Phil?”
“His ship took one of those crazy Jap kamikazes in the bridge. Fifteen guys got killed. He’s all right. He made lieutenant commander.”
“Phil’ll do fine. I know he will. He’ll come out an admiral.”
“Hear from Reed?”
“No, but I got a note from Stan Carter. He’s still in Washington. He says Reed’s a major, shooting down Japs left and right.
“You never were the ambitious one.”
“Say, let’s go get something to eat. I need something to cheer me up. Tough one at the office. They’ve all decided I’m a crank. The jerks. So anyway, okay?”
“Jim, I don’t have time. Really. Not tonight.”
“Oh. Yeah, sure, I see. Well, listen, I just stopped by to see how you were, you know, see if you’d heard from anybody.”
“Don’t go. Did I say go?”
“No, not in so many
“Damn you. I wish you’d make up your goddamned mind.”
“Susan,” he said.
“Oh, Leets,” she said. “What are we going to do? What in hell are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I really have no idea.”
She stood up and began to unbutton her uniform.
Later, in the dark, he lit a cigarette.
“Listen, darling, put that cigarette out. It’s time to go,” she said.
“The Center.”
“Yes. Walk me over, all right? It’s not far.”
“Okay. You sure know how to keep yourself depressed.”
“Somebody’s got to go. From our side, I mean. I promised my father—” She turned on the light.
“I know. I know all that. But it’s such a waste of time. They don’t
“I’m sure there’s enough to go around,” Susan said. Naked, she walked to the dresser. She was beautiful to him. Her hips were slim and he could see her ribs. She had small, fine breasts, with just enough a sense of density to them, roundness without bulk. He felt another erection begin to swell. The center of his body warmed. He reached and turned out the light.
“No,” she said, disinterestedly. “Not now. Please. Come on.”
He turned it on again, and climbed out of bed into his GI underwear. The Jews. The fucking Jews came first.
“They’re a pain in the ass,” he said. “The Jews.”
“Their part of the war is special.”
“Special! Listen, let me tell you something. Everybody who somebody’s trying to kill is special. When I was in France getting shot at, was I ever special!”
“No, it’s different. Please, let’s not go over this again, all right? We always come back to it. Always.”
She was right. They always did. Sooner or later.
He grunted, putting on his uniform. Susan, meanwhile, stepped into a civilian dress, a shapeless, flowered thing, dowdy. It made her look forty and domestic.
“Look,” he suddenly said, tightening his tie, “I’ll tell you who’s special. Who’s
“Who? Reed?”
“No. You. Divorce Phil. Marry me. All right?”
“No,” she said, trying to get a necklace fastened. “First, you don’t mean it. You’re just a lonely boy from the Midwest in a big European city. You think you love me. You love my — well, we both know what you love. Second, I don’t love you. I love Phil Isaacson, which is why I married him, even if he is six thousand miles away on a ship and I feel guilty as hell. Third, you’re what we call a Goy. No offense. It doesn’t mean inferior, but it means different. It would make all kinds of problems. All kinds. And fourth — well, I don’t remember number four.” She smiled. “But I’m sure it’s a great one.”
“They’re all great,” he said, smiling himself. “I ask you every time. When we started you had ten reasons. Then eight. Now it’s down to four, three really, because you don’t remember the last one. I feel like I’m making some kind of progress.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Turn here?” Leets thought he remembered, even in the fog.
“Right. Good memory,” she said.
He’d been there once before and was not overwhelmed at the prospect of returning. He knew he didn’t belong.
“Funny the stuff that sticks in your mind. I remember the kid.”
“The kid?”
“The little boy. You know, the one in the picture they’ve got there.”
“Oh, yes. That’s Michael Hirsczowicz. At fifteen months. In pleasanter times. Warsaw, August, 1939. Just before it all began.”
“You’ll laugh at this. Tony called
“That’s not very funny.”
“No, I suppose it’s not. Here, right?”
“Yes.”
They turned in a dark doorway and began to climb some dim stairs.
