Lethal Rider

toes, he was a living, breathing tablet of history, emotion, and sex.

Silence stretched in the half-dozen feet of space separating them as he stood, chest heaving, his hands fisted at his sides, his head bowed. Still, he watched her through slitted eyes that smoldered.

“I need to see you.” His voice was harsh, as smoky as his gaze.

A serious case of nerves made her stomach churn. “I’ll put on my nightgown,” she said, as she fumbled around on the covers for it.

Thanatos took a single, heavy step closer. “I have missed eight months of seeing my son grow inside you. Don’t deprive me of another day.”

A wild series of glorious shivers skittered over her skin. God, what a wonderful husband and father he’d have made if fate hadn’t cursed him the way it had. He would have been there for every second of her pregnancy if she’d asked him to be—and probably even if she hadn’t. Most women would kill to have that kind of interest and devotion.

Most women. Regan had never considered the idea that she’d have a relationship or a family outside of The Aegis. So maybe it was her hormones messing with her brain, or maybe it was her biological clock ticking, or maybe it was the fact that so many of her Aegis family members had died recently, but she was suddenly wondering what being in a relationship would be like.

Being in a relationship with Thanatos.

You’re crazy. Certifiable with a capital C.

“Regan.”

She looked up. Thanatos had moved closer, and dear God, he’d taken his arousal in his hand and was stroking himself. Every pass of his hand revealed glimpses of dusky flesh against a background of fluid black lines that defined his tattoos.

The effect on her was insanely powerful, and with shaking hands, she peeled out of her stretchy maternity pants and her tent-like top. Were they really going to do this? One look in his eyes told her that yes, they were. They so were.

Though her hands shook, she wriggled out of her bra and underwear.

“Beautiful,” he rasped, and man, she melted. “Come here.”

She obeyed, compelled by the erotic authority in his tone. All her life she’d needed to be in control, taking orders only from her superiors. But something about Thanatos made her want to comply, to for once be okay with giving over control to someone who wouldn’t hurt her. At least, not physically. Emotionally… that was another story.

“What now?” she asked when she was standing directly in front of him.

In answer, he took her hand and placed it on his shaft. His breath hissed through his teeth and his gaze simmered with heat. Her body responded with a jolt of need that electrified every nerve ending. If he so much as touched her now, just the lightest brush of one finger, she’d come.

Squeezing her fist, she slid her thumb up over the satiny head of him, and as he groaned her sensitivity heightened even more, until she was sure that she wouldn’t even need a touch … just the whisper of his breath across her skin would set her off.

“Bed,” he said. “Now.”

Regan’s chest went tight, so tight that every heartbeat hurt. Silly, maybe, since she’d known what he wanted when he carried her into the bedroom, but at the sudden, undeniable reality, she froze in a sticky mire of guilt. She’d caused Thanatos so much pain, and it had all started on that mattress.

In a raspy whisper, she blurted, “I … can’t.” Overwhelmed by shame, she dashed to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.

“Woman.” His footsteps pounded. “What are you doing?”

She locked the door. “I want to be alone.”

“Too bad. I’m not done with you.”

The walls closed in on her, and how had she ever thought the bathroom was large? It suddenly felt as confining as a coffin.

A sharp rap on the door made her jump. “I said, I’m not done with you.”

Her gaze darted around the room, but what was she hoping to find? A hidden trap door? When no secret passageway appeared, she gave up looking and simply slipped to the cold floor.

“Open the door, Regan.” Than’s voice was low, quiet, which made it all the more frightening. It was the calm before the storm.

A storm she deserved.

“Open the goddamned door,” he said slowly, “or I’ll break it down.”

She wrapped her arms around her legs, bracing for Hurricane Thanatos.

“Regan!” Than’s voice cracked like a whip. “Last chance.”

She closed her eyes and began to count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder. At six, the door crashed inward. His footsteps were like thunderclaps as he came closer.

“Don’t,” she said, in a voice that was much shakier than she’d have liked. “Don’t touch me.”

He inhaled sharply. “Is it the baby?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Then what the hell is wrong with you?”

She opened her eyes, but she couldn’t look at him. Instead, she stared at his feet.

“Regan?” His tone was softer now, tempered with concern. Had fear for the baby brought him out of his rage? “Answer me. What’s going on?”

“I…” She inhaled, as if the air could help her find her big girl voice. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For last time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to tell you, but you don’t believe me. I don’t know what else to do. I know you want me to pay for what I did to you, and I’ll do whatever you want. I swear it. But I won’t have sex with you. I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Hurt…me?”

“What if … when we’re on the bed, you remember being…” Her stomach rebelled, and she had to swallow the sourness in her mouth. “Being drugged and … and held down while I…” A sob escaped her, and she started to tremble so hard her teeth chattered.

“Regan?” He dropped to his knees in front of her, but she still couldn’t look at him. “Regan, listen to me. You were drugged, too.”

Tears stung her eyes. “But everything was so clear afterward. I don’t remember much of the actual…sex… except in my dreams. But I remember afterward it was like crystal, and I don’t understand how I couldn’t have been aware of what was happening—” He touched the tip of one warm finger to her lips, silencing her.

“It was the drug. It makes you unclear on everything you’re doing, hearing, and seeing until you climax, and then it’s like a switch turns on and everything is back to normal. You see what happened as it really was.”

“I still … I still …” She gulped a breath so she could talk. “Since that night, I’ve felt so hollow inside, and as the baby grew, he filled that space, but when he’s gone…” What would happen to her? Would she be an empty shell? Was that what had happened to her mother? “Oh, God, I’m so sorry. If I could take it back, I would. If I could do it all over again, I would. I swear to you.” She was babbling now, her emotions overriding all the logic she’d filled herself with, the logic that had allowed her to justify what she’d done.

She’d been trying to save the world.

Thanatos swore, a harsh, vile curse in Sheoulic. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that to me again.” He gripped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “I’ve been pissed and putting you through hell for your betrayal, but the truth is that I’ve been too full of righteous anger to admit that if I had been in your shoes, I’d have considered the idea, too. It’s easy to cast judgment when everything goes wrong and you weren’t the one having to do something distasteful for the greater good.”

“It was wrong—”

“Yes, it was wrong, but only because you were tricked. But shit, Regan, what you did was brave. You didn’t know what you were walking into when you came here. You risked your life and did something that scarred you to save people who would probably judge you harshly and will never have any idea what you risked your life for. Yeah, you fucked me over—literally—but you did it for a bigger cause, and it was a selfless act.”