Lethal Rider

“It’s not that. I mean, yeah, it’s that, but … I didn’t prepare for this baby. I tried not to get attached, but I did, and now I love it. If anything happens to him … so much can go wrong with the birth and with his life, and —”

“Hey,” Decker broke in. “I know this won’t help, but try not to worry. I’m pretty sure you’re going through the same feelings every parent has. You’ll be fine. And you know I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

Thanatos barely held back a growl. He didn’t hold back his fangs from slicing down in preparation for ripping out the human’s throat.

“I know. I’ve always known.” She paused for so long all Than could hear was the thud of his racing pulse in his ears. “I’m sorry if I was ever a bitch to you. I was a bitch to everyone.”

“Sweetheart, no one ever gave you a reason to be nice.” Decker’s voice was low, intimate, and Thanatos saw red. Blood red. Decker’s blood. “The Aegis treated you like an asset, not a person. I’m sorry for that.”

“You and Kynan never did,” she said.

“I can’t speak for Ky, but my mama raised me right.” Decker’s teasing tone was akin to cocking a loaded pistol. Than struggled to keep his trigger from tripping, because killing the human in front of Regan would probably piss her off.

“Thanks, Deck. You’re a good friend.”

Thanatos heard the rustle of clothing, and now seemed like a good time to break up this little party. He strode into the library just as Regan and Decker pulled out of an embrace.

When she saw him, she gasped. “My God, Than, what happened to you?”

Right. He’d forgotten that he was covered in blood and looked like he’d spent a week in a slaughterhouse. “I had a minor confrontation with Pestilence.”

“Minor?” Decker drawled. “You look like you tangled with a gator and lost. You got your supernatural ass kicked, didn’t you.”

The souls in Than’s armor writhed, and with a smirk, he sought out the nastiest one, the spirit of a Cruentus demon he’d killed before he kidnapped Regan. The shadowy thing shot out of his armor and went straight for Decker, but with nothing more than a mental “no,” Than stopped it a foot away from the guy. The demon’s soul screeched in frustration, teeth gnashing.

“Ah, Decker?” Regan said. “Maybe you should go.”

Swallowing hard, Decker didn’t take his eyes off the spirit. “I’ll be outside.” He scooted around the soul and toward the doorway. “Been trying to teach one of those hellhounds how to roll over. The stupid mutt only wants to eat.”

“Be careful,” Thanatos warned—with relish. “He might eat you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Thanatos smiled and called the soul back. “Yes.”

Decker muttered something about underworld trash as he strode out of the library. As soon as the bastard was gone, Than allowed himself to relax—but not much. He was about to make the hardest decision of his life, and he couldn’t afford to go soft.

“That was a little uncalled for, don’t you think?” Regan scolded.

“No. And where’s Kynan?”

“He’s patrolling outside.” She moved toward him, looking beautiful and perfect and like she belonged here. “Are you okay?”

Steeling himself for what needed to be done, he stepped out of her reach. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Something’s wrong.”

Very wrong. He wanted to grab her, hold her tight, and make love to her until everything was right. But he’d be using her again, to make himself feel better, and nothing would ever be right again.

“You know, I wondered for so long why my siblings and I were assigned our specific roles. But it all makes sense now. Ares was, and is, a warrior who will never quit fighting. War fits him. Limos is Famine because she’s always been hungry. First for recognition and power, and then for love and acceptance. Reseph … we used to joke that he was Pestilence because he was such a pest, but he’s proven to be a plague on mankind, hasn’t he?”

“And you?”

He paused, unsure how to go down this bumpy highway to hell.

“Is it because you want… you want to die?”

He dropped his gaze, and she stiffened at whatever it was she saw in his eyes. “In a way, I guess I want to see an end to this.”

Her vile curse astonished him, and then she was in his face, taking his hand and settling it on her belly. “Death isn’t all you are, Thanatos. You made this baby. You made life.”

God, his chest ached. “But there’s such a fine line, isn’t there?”

Regan clung to his hand. “Whatever is wrong, let me help you. If you need me to hold you close so the death vibes are muted, or if you need sex … whatever it is, I’ll help.”

Help? Yeah, she would. And he’d be using her. He’d be a bastard user who put his family in danger for his own selfish reasons. It was so tempting to drop to his knees and kiss the swell where his son grew, to feel the life inside and worship the woman who had given it. Instead, he tugged his hand away, took another step back, and made his words, his voice, harsh. Pitiless.

“I’m death, Regan. I can’t allow my son to grow up around it. Around me. And if we fail to kill Pestilence the moment our son is born, he’ll always be in danger. He needs to be hidden from Pestilence. You were right. You won, Aegi. Give the baby to someone who can keep him safe as planned.”

“What?” She looked shell-shocked. “Thanatos, this isn’t about winning. Is that what you think? I mean, it was about doing what The Aegis thought was best, but—”

“And you were right.” Fuck. He wanted to hold her, protect her, but he kept his distance. Barely. “I wasn’t meant for anything but killing. When the baby is born, take him to parents who will raise him properly. And never come back here, Regan. Never.” And then he struck the killing blow. Because he was so fucking good at that. “I don’t want you anymore.”

Thirty-three

I don’t want you anymore.

Regan’s chest caved in. Thanatos’s words stung like a million bee stings, cut like a million knives. He was serious about wanting her and the baby to leave, although how that could be, she didn’t know. After all his protests, after all he swore he wanted to be a father, now, when she needed him most, why would he decide to give up the rights to his son?

“Thanatos, don’t do this.”

The scorpion on his throat stabbed at his jugular with its stinger. “Why not? It’s what you wanted.”

“But it’s not anymore.”

“Okay, I’ll bite. What is it you want now? To leave the baby with me and then run off to join your Aegis buddies? To hook up with Decker, unburdened by the inconvenience of an unwanted child?”

Her mouth fell open. Closed. Opened again. “Is that really what you think? Have I been that … awful?”

A mix of emotions cracked the hard mask of indifference on his face, and the scorpion’s tail became a rapid- fire jab into his throat.

“No,” he said roughly.

Okay, so he was holding anger up like a shield against emotions that would hurt. She got that. She so got that. Hell, she’d just apologized to Decker for spending years being an angry bitch to her colleagues. The more shielding she’d had in place, the less she thought they could hurt her.

Crippling helplessness had her searching her brain for words that could ease his fears and change his mind, but if she’d learned anything about the Horseman in her time here, it was that he was stubborn as the mules on her foster grandparents’ farm.

Ignoring the twinges in her lower back, she took his hand, frantic to set things straight. “You don’t need the anger. You need to listen to me. I don’t want to leave the baby with you and run off with Decker.” How ridiculous