'IT WAS MY IDEA!' Owen said. 'BUT I DIDN'T LIFT A FINGER, I DIDN'T EVEN SET FOOT IN THE BUILDING-NOT EVEN TO WATCH THEM DO IT!'
'Who did it?' Mr. Merrill asked.
'MOST OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM,' said Owen Meany. 'THEY JUST HAPPENED ALONG.'
'It was completely spur-of-the-moment?' asked Mr. Merrill.
'OUT OF THE BLUE-IT HAPPENED IN A FLASH. YOU KNOW, LIKE THE BURNING BUSH,' Owen said.
'Well, not quite like that, I think,' said the Rev. Mr. Merrill, who assured Owen that he only wanted to know the particulars so that he could make every effort to steer the headmaster away from Owen, who was Randy White's prime suspect. 'It helps,' said Pastor Merrill, 'if I can tell the headmaster that I know, for a fact, that you didn't touch Doctor Dolder's car, or set foot in the building-as you say.'
'DON'T RAT ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM, EITHER,' Owen said.
'Of course not!'' said Mr. Merrill, who added that he didn't think Owen should be as candid with Dr. Dolder-should the doctor inquire if Owen knew anything about the 'accident.' As much as it was understood that the subject of conversation between a psychiatrist and his patient was also 'confidential,' Owen should understand the degree to which the fastidious Swiss gentleman had cared for his car.
'I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,' said Owen Meany. Dan Needham, who said to Owen that he didn't want to hear a word about what Owen did or didn't know about Dr. Dolder's car, told us that the headmaster was screaming to the faculty about 'disrespect for personal property' and 'vandalism'; both categories of crimes fell under the rubric of 'punishable by dismissal.'
'IT WAS THE HEADMASTER AND THE FACULTY WHO TRASHED THE VOLKSWAGEN,' Owen pointed out. 'THERE WASN'T ANYTHING THE MATTER WITH THAT CAR UNTIL THE HEADMASTER AND THOSE OAFS GOT THEIR HANDS ON IT.'
'As one of 'those oafs,' I don't want to know how you know that, Owen,' Dan told him. 'I want you to be very careful what you say-to anybody!'
There were only a few days left before the end of the winter term, which would also mark the end of Owen Meany's 'disciplinary probation.' Once the spring term started, Owen could afford a few, small lapses in his adherence to school rules; he wasn't much of a rule-breaker, anyway. Dr. Dolder, naturally, saw what had happened to his car as a crowning example of the 'hostility' he often felt from the students. Dr. Dolder was extremely sensitive to both real and imagined hostility because not a single student at Gravesend Academy was known to seek the psychiatrist's advice willingly; Dr. Dolder's only patients were either required (by the school) or forced (by their parents) to see him. In their first session together following the destruction of his VW, Dr. Dolder began with Owen by saying to him, 'I know you hate me-yes? But why do you hate me?'
'I HATE HAVING TO TALK WITH YOU,' Owen admitted, 'BUT I DON'T HATE YOU-NOBODY HATES YOU, DOCTOR DOLDER!'
'And what did he say when you said that!' I asked Owen Meany.
'HE WAS QUIET FOR A LONG TIME-I THINK HE WAS CRYING,' Owen said.
'Jesus!' I said.
'I THINK THAT THE ACADEMY IS AT A LOW POINT IN ITS HISTORY,' Owen observed. That was so typical of him; that in the midst of a precarious situation, he would suggest-as a subject for criticism-something far removed from himself! But there was no hard evidence against him; not even the zeal of the headmaster could put the blame for the demolished Beetle on Owen Meany. Then, as soon as that scare was behind him, there was a worse problem. Larry Lish was 'busted' while trying to buy beer at a local grocery store; the manager of the store had confiscated Lish's fake identification-the phony draft card that falsified his age-and called the police. Lish admitted that the draft card had been created from a blank card in the editorial offices of The Grave-his illegal identification had been invented on the photocopier. According to Lish, 'countless' Gravesend Academy students had acquired fake draft cards in this fashion.
'And whose idea was that?' the headmaster asked him.
'Not mine,' said Larry Lish. 'I bought my card-like everyone else.'
I can only imagine that the headmaster was trembling with excitement; this interrogation took place in the Police Depart-
ment offices of Gravesend's own chief of police-our old 'murder weapon' and 'instrument of death' man, Chief Ben Pike! Chief Pike had already informed Larry Lish that falsifying a draft card carried 'criminal charges.'
'Who was selling and making these fake draft cards, Larry?' Randy White asked. Larry Lish would make his mother proud of him-I have no doubt about that.
