smallmouth bass when we went out in the canoe. At night, Owen and I sat on the dock until the mosquitoes bothered us. Then we went into the boathouse and turned on the kerosene lamps and talked for a while, or read our books. I was trying to read Parade's End; I was just beginning it. Graduate students have serious reading ambitions, but they don't finish a lot of books they start; I wouldn't finish Parade's End until I was in my forties-when I tried it again. Owen was reading a Department of the Army field manual called Survival, Evasion, and Escape.
'I'LL READ YOU SOME OF MINE IF YOU READ ME SOME OF YOURS,' Owen said.
'Okay,' I said.
' 'SURVIVAL IS LARGELY A MATTER OF MENTAL OUTLOOK,' ' he read.
'Sounds reasonable,' I said.
'BUT LISTEN TO THIS,' he said. 'THIS IS ABOUT HOW TO GET ALONG WITH THE NATIVES.' I couldn't help but imagine that the only 'natives' Owen was going to have to ge.t along with were the residents of Indiana and Arizona. ' 'RESPECT PERSONAL PROPERTY, ESPECIALLY THEIR WOMEN,' ' he read.
'It doesn't say that!' I said.
'LISTEN TO THIS!' he said. ' 'AVOID PHYSICAL CONTACT WITHOUT SEEMING TO DO SO.' '
We both thought that was a scream-although I didn't tell him that I was laughing, in part, because I was thinking about the 'natives' of Indiana and Arizona.
'WANT TO HEAR HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEET?' Owen asked me.
'Not really, 'I said.
'HOW ABOUT 'PRECAUTION AGAINST MOSQUITO BITES'?' he asked. ' 'SMEAR MUD ON YOUR FACE, ESPECIALLY BEFORE GOING TO BED,' ' he read. We laughed hysterically for a while.
'HERE'S A PART ABOUT FOOD AND WATER,' he said. ' 'DO NOT DRINK URINE.' '
'This sounds like a field manual for children]' I said.
'THAT'S WHO MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE ARMY ARE,' said Owen Meany.
'What a world!' I said.
'HERE'S SOME GOOD ADVICE ABOUT ESCAPING FROM A MOVING TRAIN,' Owen said. ' 'BEFORE JUMPING, MAKE SURE YOUR EXIT WILL BE MADE FROM THE APPROPRIATE SIDE, OR YOU MAY JUMP INTO THE PATH OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN.' '
'No shit!' I cried.
'LISTEN TO THIS,' he said. ' 'STRYCHNINE PLANTS GROW WILD THROUGHOUT THE TROPICS. THE LUSCIOUS-LOOKING WHITE OR YELLOW FRUIT IS ABUNDANT IN SOUTHEAST ASIA. THE FRUIT HAS AN
EXCEEDINGLY BITTER PULP, AND THE SEEDS CONTAIN A POWERFUL POISON.' '
I restrained myself from saying that I doubted any strychnine grew in Indiana or Arizona.
'HERE'S ANOTHER ENTRY IN THE 'NO KIDDING!' CATEGORY,' Owen said. 'THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT 'EVASION TECHNIQUES WHEN THERE IS LITTLE DISTINCTION BETWEEN FRIENDLY AND HOSTILE TERRITORY'-GET THIS: TT IS DIFFICULT TO DISTINGUISH THE INSURGENT FROM THE FRIENDLY POPULACE.' '
I couldn't help myself; I said: 'I hope you don't run into that problem in Indiana or Arizona.'
'LET'S HEAR SOMETHING FROM YOUR BOOK,' he said, closing his field manual. I tried to explain about Mrs. Satterthwaite's daughter-that she was a woman who'd left her husband and child to run off with another man, and now she wanted her husband to take her back, although she hated him and intended to make him miserable. A friend of the family-a priest-is confiding to Mrs. Satterthwaite his opinion of how her daughter will, one day, respond to an infidelity of her husband's, which the priest believes is only to be expected. The priest believes that the daughter will 'tear the house down'; that 'the world will echo with her wrongs.'
Here is the scene I read to Owen Meany:
' 'Do you mean to say,' Mrs. Satterthwaite said, 'that Sylvia would do anything vulgar?'
' 'Doesn't every woman who's had a man to torture for years when she loses him?' the priest asked. 'The more she's made an occupation of torturing him the less right she thinks she has to lose him.' '
'WHAT A WORLD!' said Owen Meany. There were more
