his master rose to the very pinnacle of power?'
Someone like Narcissus.
But before Rufus could arrange a meeting with the Greek, their lives would hang by a thread…
He and Livia were sitting in their little home three nights later. It was the eve of the sacrifice of the October Horse and there was a festival air to Rome which had even penetrated the room behind the barn. The couple had mellowed lately, and Rufus was trying to come to terms with the enormous upheaval about to occur in his life. An upheaval that drew closer each day as Livia's belly grew rounder and fatter. His stomach was just dealing with the disturbing detail of childbirth when the door burst open.
His hand darted for the knife he kept beneath the bed and he rose ready to use it. But he froze when he saw the figure in the doorway.
This was an Aemilia Rufus barely recognized. Her eyes were wide and her blond hair was matted, with small twigs and leaves tangled among it, as if she had just spent a night on a forest floor. Her breath came in short, desperate bursts and her chest heaved against the thin cloth of the expensive dress she wore.
'I didn't know where else to go,' she gasped. 'You must help me.'
The words were directed at Rufus and it was apparent that she had not even noticed Livia was in the room.
Rufus opened his mouth to reassure her, but it was Livia who spoke. The Palatine was a small community and she knew Aemilia by sight, knew too that she was Cupido's sister. But they had never met and she slightly resented the girl's position in Milonia's household.
'What has happened that you must enter our house without invitation in the dead of night?' she demanded in a voice that was, if not frosty, certainly not welcoming.
Aemilia looked from the tiny figure to Rufus as if she was a deer seeking escape from a pack of hounds.
'Enough of this,' Rufus said. 'She has come to us for aid and we will give it. Bring water. Aemilia will explain herself in her own time.'
'But she is right, Rufus: you must know. My presence here is a danger to us all.' Aemilia's voice shook and her head drooped so she did not have to meet their eyes. 'The Emperor. I was dining with Milonia — a favour to her, she said. He came to her quarters as we ate and placed himself on the couch beside me. I was a fool, because I was honoured by his attentions. Then he began to touch me. First my hair.' She took a handful of the golden mass in her fist as if she wanted to tear it from her head. 'Then my skin. He touched my skin and it crawled as if a serpent had been placed upon it. Then he spoke to me of things I did not understand, or want to understand. Of the nature of love. What do I know of love, or care, in this place where each of us is a commodity to be bartered? He said I must share their bed. I looked to Milonia for aid, but she only smiled, and there was something in her smile that chilled me. She knew. She knew and she approved. The Emperor took me by the hand, and said, 'Come.' But I could not. I shook myself free, and I ran.' She sobbed, a great heart-wrenching breath from deep in her body. 'I have nowhere else to go.'
Rufus listened in silence. He was appalled. Not because of his sympathy for Aemilia's ordeal, but because she had placed them in mortal danger. And for no reason. How could she be such a fool? This was no sanctuary. It was a trap.
As if the gods were able to read his mind there came a thundering knock at the door.
'Open up, quickly.'
He breathed a sigh of relief. Cupido. Cupido would know what to do.
Rufus opened the door cautiously and the young German, wearing a long cloak over his armour, bustled past him.
'I heard she had come this way, and I decided to check before the patro-' He stopped, open-mouthed, staring at Aemilia. 'You? I was only told it was a girl.' He shook his head in disbelief. 'I didn't… No one said…'
Aemilia ran to him, crying his name, and he took her protectively in his arms. But the eyes that met Rufus's across her shoulder were filled with confusion.
'You must get her out of here, now.' Livia's voice was cracked with tension. 'The child… If they find her here, you know what they will do.'
'It is too late,' Cupido said, and Rufus heard something in his tone that was as out of place in Cupido the warrior as snow in a Tuscan summer. Defeat.
He was right. Already they could hear the clash of weaponry as the soldiers of the Emperor's guard made their way down the slope from the palace.
'Wait. I will talk to them.' Cupido tried to thrust Aemilia away from him, but she held tight and forced him to look at her.
'No,' she said. Her face was set in a savage expression that reminded Rufus of tales of fierce women fighters who were as deadly in battle as any man. 'Kill me.'
Cupido recoiled as if he had been punched. 'No. Never.'
'Kill me,' she repeated. 'If you cannot save me, at least save my honour.' But he shook his head helplessly, and she pushed him away. 'You were a coward when we were taken and you are a coward now,' she said, her voice dripping with scorn.
Cupido's face turned ashen, and she looked at Rufus.
'Then you must kill me. If my brother does not have the courage I ask a friend.'
'If she dies we all die. But if we are going to die, let us die fighting.' Cupido drew his long sword from under his cloak and threw a short dagger to Rufus, who caught it awkwardly. Aemilia made a grab for the blade, but he pushed her away, knowing what she intended. She collapsed sobbing beside Livia, who lifted her head and looked deep in her eyes.
'You are so young,' she whispered. 'So terribly young. He is only a man, Aemilia, and there will be many other men. There is no need to be frightened of him. You will find he has a man's pride, but requires a woman to appreciate it or it has no value to him. He also has a man's doubts, and he must prove himself with many women or those doubts will turn into certainty and he will no longer be the man he thinks he once was. He is an Emperor, therefore his pride and his doubts are multiplied a thousand-fold. But still, he is only a man.'
Aemilia stared at her. 'Have you..?'
Livia smiled sadly. 'I have been with so many men, it is difficult to remember.'
The younger girl shook her head. 'I cannot. My honour…'
'Remember,' Livia said fiercely. 'It does not matter what he does to your body, as long as you resist in your mind. Stay true to yourself, and you will survive.'
'But Milonia…'
'In this, Milonia is your ally. If she is with him, then he is not with you. With Milonia you will at least find affection, if not pleasure. Do not look so shocked. It is not unknown. Some women even prefer other women to men.' She looked at Rufus and Cupido standing awkwardly by the door, from behind which came the unmistakable sound of soldiers preparing for action. 'It is not difficult to understand why.'
'Inside.' The shout from outside filled the room. 'You inside, open up or we'll smash our way in.'
Cupido tensed, and Rufus went to his side. 'I am ready to die,' he said quietly, 'but I wish it was for a better reason.'
Cupido shrugged. 'There are worse reasons.'
'On the count of three.' They heard the Praetorian prepare his men for the attack.
'Wait!' Aemilia's cry caused shuffled confusion beyond the barrier of the door. 'I am ready to attend the Emperor.' She turned to Cupido and wiped the tears from her eyes. 'I will go then,' she said, all emotion suddenly vanished. 'But know this: I no longer have a brother and I no longer have a name.'
She made to brush past him, but he stopped her and she did not struggle as he unwrapped his cloak and folded it around her. As she fumbled with the latch, he touched her hair and removed a small twig from it in a gesture of brotherly affection that was so alien to the circumstances Rufus almost believed he had imagined it.
At the door, Aemilia turned to Rufus and it was as if they were alone in the room together. He knew then she understood his passion for her. She had never been able to return it, but she could use it. When she spoke her voice was flat, cold. 'If you will not give me the mercy of a quick death, at least promise me this — when the opportunity arises you will kill him.'
She stood there for a moment, tall and proud once more, her eyes demanding an answer he couldn't give. Then she was gone.
