Every Day is an Atheist Holiday!

I love Spicoli, but it’s our co-manager Peter Golden who really has my heart.

Glenn Alai runs everything that Penn & Teller and/or Penn and/or Teller do. If he only had good-looking clients, he’d make Colonel Parker look like a slacker. Glenn can do anything. He could have written this book, but he was busy with other things.

I want to thank everyone who is mentioned in this book. Thanks for letting me in your lives. When that whole weird Chick-fil-A gay thang happened (remember that), I called Clay Aiken and asked him if we could make out together at a Chick-fil-A near him. He laughed. That would have been a real photo op. Yup, I make fun of Clay, but you know… I like him. Same with Donald Trump. Well, not the same with Donald Trump. Nope, not exactly the same with Donald Trump—for the love of fuck, get rid of that birther shit—but keep the hair. I love stupid hair.

Teller—you all know, and he knows better.

I can sum up this whole book with three short names—EZ, Mox, and Zz. My family gives me the love and joy to make every day an atheist holiday. They taught me what it means to cry with happiness. I never understood that before these guys.

Bob sang, “It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.”

EZ

Mox

Zz

They made me feel that. Love minus zero, no limit.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Penn Jillette has been the louder, larger half of the Emmy Award–winning, world-famous magic duo Penn & Teller for more than thirty-five years. He is the author of God, No! and the novel Sock, as well as several co-authored books with Teller. He has appeared on countless radio and television shows and films: from Howard Stern to Glenn Beck to the op-ed pages of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and the Los Angeles Times, to The Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars, Numb3rs, MTV Cribs and Chelsea Lately. As part of Penn & Teller, he has appeared more than twenty times on David Letterman, as well as on The Simpsons, Friends, Top Chef, The View and more. Jillette is the producer, with director Paul Provenza, of The Aristocrats. He co-hosts the controversial series Penn & Teller: Bullshit!—which has been nominated for sixteen Emmy Awards. More than 350,000 people visit the Penn & Teller Theater at the Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas every year. Jillette lives with his family in Las Vegas.

ALSO BY PENN JILLETTE

God, No! Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales

Sock

BY PENN JILLETTE AND MICKEY D. LYNN

How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker: The Wisdom of Dickie Richard

BY PENN JILLETTE AND TELLER

Penn & Teller’s How to Play in Traffic

Penn & Teller’s How to Play with Your Food

Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends

Copyright

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA • Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi–110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books, Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North 2193, South Africa • Penguin China, B7 Jaiming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China

Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

Copyright © 2012 by 10 IN 1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

Published simultaneously in Canada

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Jillette, Penn.

Every day is an atheist holiday! : more magical tales from the author of God, no! / Penn Jillette.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-101-60074-0

1. Religion—Humor. 2. Atheism—Humor. 3. American wit and humor. I. Title.

PN6231.R4J546 2012 2012035920

818'.607—dc23

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.