Except, of course, when making a port turn.” He got to his feet. “Now… what is it, steward?”
“I found these people-and this dog-looting another passenger’s stateroom, sir.”
“Oh… petty thieves, eh?” He nodded cordially. “Welcome aboard.”
Max stared at him blankly. “Welcome aboard?”
The Captain spoke to the steward. “That will be all,” he said. “I’ll handle this.”
The steward departed.
“Welcome aboard?” Max said again.
“Yes, of course,” the Captain replied.
“But the steward referred to us as looters. And you yourself called us petty thieves.”
The Captain shrugged. “Business is business. You paid your fare, didn’t you? As a matter of fact, most of our passengers are looters, petty thieves and card sharks. They’re on board to take advantage of the few passengers who aren’t in the trade-the rich tourists. But, if we depended on rich tourists, we’d go broke in a week. You looters, petty thieves and card sharks make up the bulk of our passenger list. We appreciate the patronage.”
“I see,” Max said dimly.
“However, there are limits to our appreciation,” the Captain went on. “If you get caught too often, I’m afraid I’ll have to get nasty about it. It’s bad for business.”
Max nodded. “Bad for business.”
“Yes. You see, if we catch too many looters, petty thieves and card sharks on board our reputation will suffer. Bad public relations. And that will chase away the rich tourists. And, if we don’t have a lot of rich tourists aboard, we’ll lose all the business we get from looters, petty thieves and card sharks. So… be careful. One hand washes the other, you know.”
“I’ll try to remember that,” Max said foggily. “Let’s see… wash my hands…”
“You may go now,” the Captain said. “But stay out of the way of that nosy steward. He’s the conscientious type-no feel for public relations at all. Keeps bringing looters, petty thieves and card sharks in here, expecting me to do something about it.”
“Yes, he isn’t very likeable,” Max agreed.
“ No body likes him,” the Captain said. “Last Christmas, he got coal in his stocking.”
Max, 99 and Fang backed toward the door. “We’ll be careful,” Max promised.
“Oh… before you go,” the Captain said. “How does it go again? Starboard is left? Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s left-starboard is right,” Max replied.
“Thanks. I can never-”
Max closed the door.
“What now, Max?” 99 said.
“Back to looting-that is, searching-staterooms,” Max replied. “Who’s next on the list?”
“It’s getting a little late, Max. The staterooms will probably be occupied. I imagine the scientists are all in bed by now.”
“That’s a thought,” Max replied. “All right, we’ll knock off for the night, hit the sack ourselves, and get an early start in the morning. To paraphrase a wise old saying-it’s the early secret agent who catches the invisible guinea pig.”
They left the main deck and trudged wearily down the stairway toward C Deck. When they finally reached there, Max and Fang said good-night to 99, and she disappeared into her stateroom.
Max and Fang squeezed into their own room.
“Well, old buddy, who gets the top bunk and who gets the lower bunk?” Max said to Fang.
“Rorff”
“That sounds fair-we’ll flip for it.” He reached into a pocket and brought out a coin. “Call it, Fang.”
“Rorff!”
“Heads you win, tails I lose? Sorry, old buddy. You don’t expect me to fall for that old ruse, do you? I couldn’t possibly win that way. Now, which do you want-heads or tails?”
“Rorff!”
“Okay.”
Max tried to flip the coin. But there wasn’t space enough to maneuver. “Well, that’s out,” he said. “This stateroom isn’t even large enough to flip a coin in.”
“Rorff!”
Max brightened. “Yes, that’s a good way to settle the matter. Okay-first one into his jammies gets the bottom bunk. On your mark, get set-”
“Rorff!” Fang barked-from under the covers in the lower bunk.
“No fair” Max complained. “I hadn’t even got to ‘Go’ yet!”
“Rorff!”
Max sighed resignedly. “I guess you’re right. When you’re in a jammy race against an adversary whose overcoat serves as his business suit, bathing suit, tennis togs, tuxedo and jammies too-you can’t win!”
5
Early the next morning, Max, Fang and 99 met in the dining room for breakfast and to plan the day. After eating, Max and 99 had a second glass of milk, and Fang had a second bowl of coffee.
“That’s quite unusual,” the waiter said, placing the bowl of coffee in front of Fang.
“Yes, it is,” Max admitted. “Normally, he drinks it out of a cup. But, today, I asked him to have it in a bowl- like any other dog. We’re trying not to draw attention to ourselves.”
“That’ll do it,” the waiter said. “Who would pay any attention to a dog having his morning coffee out of a bowl?”
“My thinking exactly,” Max said.
The waiter departed.
Max turned to 99. “Now then,” he began. “To take up where we left off-”
But he was interrupted by the appearance of the Tour Director, Herbert Wai, at the table. Wai peered interestedly at Fang. “That’s fascinating,” he said. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a dog drinking coffee out of a bowl before.”
“Rorff!” Fang barked.
“I don’t think he really cares whether it’s your first bowl or second bowl, Fang,” Max said irritably.
“Does he do that often?” Wai asked.
“Well… no,” Max said. “Usually, he drinks it out of a cup-like any other dog.”
“I would think so,” Wai said. Then he went ambling off, shaking his head in wonder, muttering, “Coffee in a bowl-most unusual.”
“Max,” 99 said, “are you sure we can cross that Mr. Wai off our list? There’s something… well, very suspicious about him. Why did he stop at our table? I think he was trying to eavesdrop.”
“Nonsense,” Max said. “Wai doesn’t fit the picture at all. Think about it a moment, 99. Who are we looking for? The diabolical Dr. X-right? Now, picture Dr. X in your mind. A beard-right? And a foreign accent-right? And a slinky sneaky manner-right?”
“Yes… I guess so, Max.”
“You know so. At least, that’s the way the diabolical Dr. X has always looked in every movie I’ve ever seen him in. Why, if he changed, no one would recognize him. And Dr. Xs are just like the rest of us-they need recognition.”
“You’re probably right, Max.”
“Of course I’m right. Now, let’s get back to business. As soon as Fang finishes his bowl of coffee, we’ll begin searching staterooms again.”
“Max, suppose we get caught-you know what the Captain said.”
“There is no chance whatever that we’ll get caught this time, 99,” Max said. “I did a little digging in that attache case before we came up to breakfast. And I found a disguise for us.” He rested his hand on a small package
