“Oh, is that it? Well, live and learn.”
The guard saluted. “Any time you need any more help,” he said, “I’m just down the hall.”
“Uh… just a second,” Max said, gesturing him back. “That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I wonder if you would deliver a message for me? Do you know the new dancer in the ballet troupe? She’s quartered in the ballet dancer place. Would you take a message to her?”
“I’m on guard,” the guard replied. “I can’t leave my post.”
“Oh, really? What would happen if you got caught?”
“I’d get a red star,” the guard replied. “Gold stars are for staying at your post, and red stars are for leaving your post.”
“Look, how about this?” Max said. “I’ll relieve you at your post, and that will leave you free to deliver the message. Okay?”
“But I’m supposed to be guarding you,” the guard pointed out.
“Perfect. I can handle that.”
“Well…”
“There’s a buck in it for you,” Max said.
The guard brightened. “I could buy a whole box of gold stars,” he said. “I’ll do it.”
Max gave the guard the message and a dollar, and the guard handed Max his rifle. Then Max assumed the watch over himself, and the guard departed to deliver the message.
As the guard was approaching the ballet dancer place, he met another guard. In fact, they collided at a corner.
“Watch it, you clumsy Arab,” Max’s guard grumbled. “I’m carrying an important message to the new ballet dancer from the American Advisor.”
“Big deal, you camel’s hump,” the other guard replied. “It just so happens that I am carrying a double- important message to the American Advisor from the new ballet dancer.”
“My message is triple-important,” Max’s guard retorted. “I didn’t mention it only because I’m not the type to brag.”
“May the Golden Peacock of Paradise drop bread crumbs in your ear,” the other guard snarled.
“May the Emperor’s horse swish his tail in your face!” Max’s guard responded.
“May the full moon fall from Heaven and land in your soup bowl!” the other guard growled.
“May the seventh son of your seventh son flunk math!” Max’s guard said nastily.
“Hey! That’s an awful thing to say!” the other guard winced.
“Sorry about that,” Max’s guard replied apologetically. “I guess I kind of lost my head. Are we still friends?”
“You know the rule,” the other guard said. “When two good friends insult each other, in order to become good friends again they have to exchange gifts. What do you have to give?”
“What do you have to give?” Max’s guard replied warily.
“I got a buck for delivering this message,” the other guard said.
“Me, too.”
“We could exchange dollars.”
Max’s guard shook his head. “I need this buck. I’m going to buy myself a box of gold stars.”
“Well… let’s see… what else do we have?”
“We have the messages,” Max’s guard pointed out.
“Just the thing!” the other guard beamed.
The two guards exchanged messages, then parted, each guard going his own way, the best of friends once more.
Thus, it was written that Max received the message he had sent to 99, and 99 received the message that she had sent to Max. Max’s message, which he received himself, read: Will meet you at the ballet dancer place. And 99’s message, which she received herself, read: I will meet you at the wall.
Late that evening, Max slipped out of his room, nodded amiably to the guard, then made his way stealthily toward the ballet dancer place.
At the same time, 99 slipped out of the ballet dancer place, nodded amiably to the guard, then made her way stealthily toward the wall.
Reaching the ballet dancer place, Max nodded amiably to the guard, then rapped lightly on the door.
The knock was answered by another of the female ballet dancers.
“I’m looking for 99,” Max whispered.
“You’re in the wrong place,” the girl whispered back. “There are only sixteen of us here.”
“You don’t understand,” Max whispered. “I’m looking for the new flung.”
“Oh. She just stepped out. Would you like to come in and wait?”
Max entered, and the girl closed the door.
“We’re having a practice session,” the girl said. “You can watch if you want to. But you can’t stay very long. Dr. Yeh! is due soon. He stops in every evening to watch us practice. And I don’t think he’d like it if he found a man in the ballet dancer place.”
“Uh, the new flung, did she say when she’d be back?” Max asked.
The girl giggled.
“Pardon?” Max said.
“What a character-the new flung,” the girl replied. “She told us a wild story about being a secret agent and having a rendezvous with another secret agent. She’s probably meeting a boy friend. Who knows when she’ll be back?”
“Oh. Well, in that case-”
“Hssst!” another ballet dancer interrupted. “Dr. Yeh! is coming!”
The first ballet dancer pushed Max toward the door. “Out! He mustn’t find you here!”
“No! Not that way!” the second ballet dancer cried. “He’ll ran right into Dr. Yeh!”
“He can’t leave!” a third ballet dancer said. “Disguise him!”
“How?” the second dancer asked.
“Give him a mop and let him pretend to be the cleaning woman,” a fourth ballet dancer suggested.
“We don’t have a cleaning woman. You know how atrocious the servant problem is,” the second ballet dancer said.
“I do a pretty good imitation of Jimmy Cagney doing a fair imitation of Edward G. Robinson,” Max said. “Do you think that would fool him?”
“The mop!” a twelfth ballet dancer said.
Max shook his head. “I do a lousy imitation of a mop.”
“Put the mop on his head and dress him in tights and he’ll look like one of us,” the twelfth ballet dancer explained.
At that moment, there was a knock at the door.
“It’s him! It’s Dr. Yeh!” the ballet dancers cried in unison.
The second ballet dancer snatched up a pair of tights and the mop. She shoved them into Max’s hands, then shoved Max into a closet. “Dress!” she hissed. “You’re our new flung!”
“But I-”
The door slammed.
Inside the closet, Max grudgingly changed into the tights and mop. Through the door, he could hear Dr. Yeh! in conversation with the ballet dancers.
“Where is the new flung?” he heard Dr. Yeh! ask.
“She’ll be right out,” a ballet dancer replied.
“This is a great night for me,” Dr. Yeh! said. “How long has it been since my troupe last had a flung to fling? It seems like weeks.”
“It’s been weeks,” a ballet dancer confirmed.
Max opened the closet door and stepped out.
“Ah!” Dr. Yeh! cried happily. “Here is our new-” He stared. “This is our new flung?” he continued. He approached Max. “You look different,” he said. “I don’t recall that you had a handle in your hair.”
