The Spy Who Went Out to the Cold

“Shall we move out?” Max said. “It looks like the mission can’t possibly fail now. We’re only minutes from the secret laboratory.”

“Max, the wind is getting stronger again,” 99 said.

“Hurry!” Max urged.

They scrambled out of the shelter, harnessed the dogs to the sled, and set out once more, racing across the snow in the direction the Eskimo had pointed. The wind howled about their heads. Snow piled high in drifts.

“Max. . we’ll never make it. .” 99 cried.

“Mush!” Max shouted.

“Max, you don’t have to be nasty!”

“I was shouting at the dogs, 99!”

“Max! Up ahead! It’s- It’s a low brick building, Max!”

“The lab! Courage, 99! Only a few more steps!”

Battling the wind, they struggled on. Step by step they neared the low brick building. Then, finally, almost exhausted, they reached it. Max threw open the door. They staggered through the opening. 99 collapsed on the floor. Fighting the storm, Max closed the door, then, totally spent, he, too, dropped to the floor.

“Max. .” 99 gasped “. . we did it. .”

“Just. . just listen to that. . that wind. . 99. . No human being. . could live for more. . than a few minutes. . in a storm like that. .”

“But we’re safe, Max. Safe!”

“Yes, 99. . our mission is finally a complete. . success. .”

“Max. .”

“Yes, 99?”

“Max, I feel terrible, having to mention this, but. . Max, it isn’t your fault. It could happen to anybody.”

“What, 99? What are you trying to tell me?”

“Max. . we lost Professor von BOOM.”

“That’s ridiculous, 99. He’s- 99-he’s gone!”

“Oh, Max. . he’s out there in that storm!” 99 wept. “That poor, poor dumpy little man who looks like he needs a keeper!”

“His trouble is, he does need a keeper!” Max grumbled.

“He had one, Max-you.”

“Remember what you said before, 99. It could happen to anybody. Don’t be the one to cast the first stone.”

“Max! What are we going to do?”

“I have no choice, 99. I’m going back out there.”

“No, Max! You’ll be facing certain death!”

Max’s eyes narrowed. “And. . loving it, 99,” he said staunchly. Then, thoughtfully, he said, “Well, actually, maybe ‘liking it’ is closer to the truth. It’s too cold out there to ‘love’ anything.” He faced the doorway. “Open the door, 99,” he commanded. “Then get out of the way. I’m going out!”

99 got a hold on the doorknob. “Ready, Max?”

Max ducked his head and aimed himself. “At the count of three, 99. One. . two. .”

There was a ringing sound.

Max looked around. “Is there a telephone in here, or is that somebody at the door?”

“Max, it’s your shoe.”

“Oh. . yes. Excuse me, 99. Hold the door.”

Max removed his shoe and put it to his ear.

Max: Agent 86 here. Could you call back a little later? I’m just about to-

Chief: Max, it’s me. Where are you?

Max: We reached the secret laboratory at the Pole, Chief. In a manner of speaking, you might say that the mission has been a complete success-almost.

Chief: What’s the ‘almost,’ Max?

Max: If I tell you, Chief, promise you won’t cast the first stone?

Chief: Max, what is it?

Max: What would you say, Chief, if I told you that I’ve lost Professor von BOOM?

Operator: Don’t you dare use words like that, Chief. The telephone company doesn’t allow it.

Chief: It’s all right, Max. Just forget it. You and 99 can return to headquarters now.

Max: Operator, I think we have a bad connection.

Operator: The connection’s all right. Have you checked your ears?

Chief: Max, you heard me correctly. Something has happened that you don’t know about. Remember that crisis I mentioned the last time I talked to you? It seems, Max, that the Professor von BOOM who has been with you is not the real Professor von BOOM. He’s a KAOS agent-only pretending to be Professor von BOOM.

Max: Could you hold the line a minute, Chief? I’d like to check my ears.

Operator: Just to be on the safe side, I’ll check the connection, too, Maxie.

Chief: No, no-it’s all right. You’re hearing me correctly, Max. The real von BOOM was abducted by a KAOS agent while you were carting him around the world. Then another KAOS agent, disguised as von BOOM, took his place. While you’ve been escorting the bogus von BOOM to the Pole, KAOS has been getting the rocket fuel formula from the real von BOOM.

Max: Chief, that’s terrible!

Chief: No, it’s all right, Max. KAOS put the formula on the open market.

Max: Chief, that’s terrible!

Chief: No, Max, it’s all right. We bought the formula back. We were the only one who could afford it.

Max: Oh. Well, I’m glad to hear that money can still do anything.

Chief: So, I want you and 99 to return to headquarters as soon as you can, Max.

Max: What about our vacation, Chief? You know, we were-

Chief: I’m sorry, Max, but your vacation will have to wait. I have a mission for you. Professor von BOOM and the formula will have to be escorted to the secret laboratory at the North Pole. And we’re afraid that KAOS will attempt to kidnap the Professor again. They might try to hold him for ransom.

Max: Chief-

Chief: This mission will be a snap, Max. HIM has come up with a brilliant idea. He suggests that you use the old crow-disguised-as-a-wild-goose trick. Instead of heading straight for the Pole, you’ll take an ocean liner to Africa, then a camel caravan across the Sahara, then-

Max had hung up.

“What did he say, Max?” 99 asked.

“It wasn’t important, 99. Now. . will you open that door, please?”

“Max, no, don’t do it,” 99 begged. “You won’t last five minutes out there. It will be certain death!”

“I know, 99,” Max replied. “I’ve decided to take the easy way out.”