Max Smart Loses Control

99 stared at him, astounded, for a second, then shook her head.

“Darn!” Max scowled. “That’s the one weak link in the chain. I don’t know where-” He began looking around. “Do you see a telephone booth anywhere, 99?”

“No, Max. Who do you want to call?”

“I don’t want to call anybody. I want to look in the yellow pages. There must be a rent-a-special- hypnotizing-vapor agency in town.”

“Max, forget about robbing Las Vegas,” 99 begged. “Let me take you to a doctor. Maybe he can cure you.”

“Cure me! 99, that would be insane! I’m on a winning streak.”

“You’ve lost everything you have, Max.”

“Ridiculous. I still have what I need most-my lucky rabbit’s foot.”

“Well, I’m surprised you still have it.”

“It wouldn’t fit in the slot.”

“Max, let me-”

There was a ringing sound.

“What kind of a restaurant is this?” Max complained. “We haven’t had dinner yet, and already they’re sending around the Good Humor man with the dessert.”

“That’s your phone, Max.”

“Oh!” He looked down at his shoe. “You answer it, 99. It’s probably the Chief, and I’m not speaking to him.” He took off the shoe and handed it to 99. “If you can work it into the conversation,” he said, “you might tell him you’ve come into a large inheritance, but you can’t collect it until you get back East, and would he please send you the airfare-as a little loan, of course. Tell him you’ll pay him back the minute I hit that jackpot.”

99: Yes, Chief. . is that you?

Operator: See what happens when you gamble, Max? It strains your voice. You sound like a woman.

Chief: Operator, will you please stay off the line? This is an official call. When you listen in on the line, you are, in effect, bugging the Government.

Operator: Tit for Tat, Chief. You think the Government don’t bug me?

Chief: What I meant- Oh, nevermind. 99-are you still there? Where is Max?

99: He’s here, Chief. But he refuses to speak to you. He’s upset because you refused to advance him more money. But you were right to do it, Chief. He has gambling fever. Every dollar he gets, he puts in a slot machine. I can’t stop him.

Chief: I guessed that, 99, when I talked to him earlier. He kept telling me that lemons were coming out of his telephone.

Operator: He may have been right, Chief. It’s the season for it you know.

Chief: Lemons? On a telephone line?

Operator: Chief, how do you think they get all those lemons which were grown on the West Coast, into all those stores on the East Coast?

Chief: By train?

Operator: Boy, are you living in the Middle Ages. They phone them.

Chief: Operator, that’s preposterous. How can-(Deep sigh). Operator, please. . just stay off the line.

99: Chief, what am I going to do about Max?

Chief: You’ll just have to leave him there, 99. I got a call just a few minutes ago from Hymie. As you know, he went to Fort Knox. When he-

99: I know, Chief-he found Number One.

Chief: As a matter of fact, 99, no, he didn’t. He-

99: You mean-

Chief: Yes. As it turned out, Max was right. Hymie-

Operator: Hold it, Chief. You’ve got a bad connection. I thought I just heard you say that Max was right about something.

Chief: I did! And stay off the line!

99: Chief, hold it. We must have a bad connection. I just thought I heard the operator say she thought she heard you say that Max was right about something and you told her that you did say that-

Chief: 99, stop it! You’re getting more like Max every day. Now, just listen. Hymie looked all over Fort Knox and he found no trace of Number One. But when he put his ear to the ground, he did hear the clicking again. So, he followed the sound, and it led him to Las Vegas. He’s there now.

99 (looking around): I don’t see him, Chief.

Operator: Look down. He probably still has his ear to the ground.

99: No, I still-

Chief: He isn’t at the hotel, 99. He’s at the Leg Up Dude Ranch just outside town. He thinks that’s where Number One is being kept prisoner. I want you to get out there as fast as you can. He’ll need help

99: And Max, Chief?

Chief: As I said-just leave him, 99. Once a man gets the gambling fever, he’s no good to anybody

Operator: Wanta bet on that?

99: All right, Chief. . if that’s your decision. I’ll certainly miss him, though.

Chief: Be brave, 99.

99 handed Max back his shoe. “It was the Chief,” she said.

“I gathered that, 99. What I don’t understand is why you suddenly turned against me.”

“Oh. . you heard?”

“Of course I heard. I heard every word you said. And not once did I hear you mention your inheritance and ask the Chief for the borrow of airfare.”

“Oh. . that. Well, Max. .” She started to rise. “You know I wouldn’t do this if-”

“Where are you going, 99? We haven’t had dinner yet.”

“The Chief ordered me to rendezvous with Hymie, Max. He’s outside town at the Leg Up Dude Ranch.”

“Mmmmmm. .” Max mused. “I wonder how much money he has with him.”

“No, Max-you can’t go,” 99 said. “The Chief doesn’t trust you. You’re sick, Max. And this is an important case. Hymie has traced Number One to that dude ranch.”

Max suddenly stiffened. His eyes began rolling in circles. His hair stood on end. . then slowly drooped back into place.

“Max! What happened!”

“I just had a wonderful shock, 99,” Max replied. He jumped up. “Come on! Let’s get out there to that dude ranch!”

“But, Max. . your gambling. .”

“Gambling? I have no interest in gambling, 99. You can’t beat the system.”

99 grinned happily. “That was certainly some shock you had, Max. I wonder what caused it.”

“I haven’t the faintest idea, 99,” Max said, leading the way out. “It happened right after you told me that Hymie had traced Number One to Las Vegas.”

“And you know what that means, Max. It means that Hymie was wrong, and you were right.” She suddenly stopped. “Max. . I wonder. . could that shock have been caused by the fact that for once in your life you-”

“99, that’s ridiculous,” Max said, hustling her on. “I’m sure that, sometime in my life, I must have been right at least once before.”

“Like when?” 99 asked curiously.

“Well,” Max replied, “if you count that Fourth of July when I had the mumps and didn’t go out and get my