Max Smart and the Ghastly Ghost Affair

those other assassins are leaving today, our mission will be a failure. We’ll still be sorting pennies for days yet.”

“You’re right, 99. I think we’ll have to find some other way to escape. Old man,” he said to the old prospector, “what’s the chance of finding another exit from this mine? I’ve seen a lot of movies with long lost mines in them, and in some of them a secret exit has been found. Nobody knew anything about it until the hero and heroine blundered upon it by chance. Have you by any chance blundered upon anything like that?”

The old prospector shook his head. “If there was a secret exit, I wouldn’t have found it,” he said. “Abe Shuster and Mabel Wamsutter would’ve blundered upon it by chance. And, the fact is, they didn’t.”

“All right, that eliminates that possibility,” Max said. “Let’s try to think of something else.” He guestured. “In the meantime, you two continue inspecting the coins,” he said. “If I can’t think of an alternative, we’ll have to depend on trying to get a squad of Control agents to town to look for us.”

“Trying?” the old prospector said. “The way you talked about it before, it sounded like a dead cinch.”

“From now on, shall we not use that word?” Max asked.

“Sorry,” the old prospector replied. “I’ve been away from civilization a long time, you know. I had no idea a word like ‘cinch’ had become offensive. I won’t say it again.”

While 99 and the old prospector continued the hunt for the Coolidge-head penny, Max paced back and forth in the tunnel, trying to think of another and quicker way out. Once, he stopped and then charged the tunnel wall. But it did not give, and all he got out of the effort was a bruised shoulder. Another time, he stood under the shaft of light and stared upward and was heard to mutter something addressed to someone called the sacred god of Good Guydom. That attempt was even less successful than the other, however, since he didn’t even get a bruised shoulder out of it.

“That’s it!” Max suddenly cried.

“What, Max?” 99 asked, rising.

“Something the old prospector said several hours ago,” Max replied. “He gave me the solution-I just didn’t realize it at the time!”

“But what, Max?”

“He said I couldn’t reach the crack in the floor even standing on a mule’s back!”

“Yup, that’s what I said,” the old prospector agreed. “If it’s that much help to you, I’ll say it again. Why, you couldn’t reach that crack-”

“Once was enough,” Max broke in. “Actually, that isn’t the solution. But it gave me the idea for the solution. It’s true that I couldn’t reach the crack by standing on a mule’s back. But, why couldn’t I reach the crack by standing on a mule’s back standing on a pile of pennies?”

“Max. . could you explain that?”

“First, 99, we’ll position the mule under the crack,” Max explained. “Then we’ll pile the pennies on the mule’s back. And then I’ll stand on the pile of pennies.”

“It won’t work, Max,” 99 told him. “Those pennies won’t stay on the mule’s-” She looked suddenly thoughtful. “But, what we could do,” she said, “is get the mule to stand on the pennies. That would raise the mule up. Then, standing on the mule’s back, you would be higher, too.”

“Well, yes, I guess that would work-if you want to do it the hard way,” Max said. “All right, let’s get all these pennies together again in a big pile.”

99 looked a little doubtful. “After all this sorting we’ve done, Max? What if we find out after we pile the pennies up and get the mule to stand on the pile that you still can’t reach the crack?”

“That’s simple, 99. I don’t know why you can’t figure it out yourself. We’ll simply start sorting the pennies again.”

“I know, Max, but-” She shrugged. “All right, we’ll do it your way.”

Max, 99 and the old prospector began heaping the pennies into one huge pile. The project did not take long. But the pile was no help. Because it had been piled up several yards from the spot under the crack in the floor. They then spent a considerable amount of time moving the pile to where, theoretically, it would do some good.

“Perfect!” Max announced when the pennies were piled beneath the crack. “Now, all we have to do is to get the mule to stand on it.” He addressed Madame DuBarry. “I just hope you understand how important your part in this is,” he said. “It’s my intention, you see, to stand on your back and reach up and remove those floor boards. Then, I can climb up into the saloon. And, once up there, I can reach down and pull 99 up. Is that clear?”

“Hee-haw!”

“Yes, it is true that I won’t be able to haul you up. But, then, you’re a ghost. All you have to do to get out of here is disappear here and reappear somewhere else. Not being a ghost, however, I don’t have that advantage. And that’s why it’s so important for you to stand on that pile of pennies. Now, you just climb up there, then I’ll climb up onto your back. If it seems too complicated to you, don’t think about it. Just do it.”

“Hee-haw!”

“I apologize,” Max said. “I’m sure you’re a very intelligent mule.”

The mule snorted, then climbed to the top of the mound of pennies.

“Max, it works!” 99 said, surprised.

“I sort of resent that tone, 99,” Max said. “The mule didn’t doubt it for a minute.”

Max climbed the pile of pennies, too. Then he got up on Madame DuBarry’s back. Balancing precariously, he stretched, trying to reach the crack in the floor above.

“Max. .” 99 said hopefully.

Max sighed glumly. “I’m afraid not, 99,” he reported. “Just a few more inches and. . no, I just can’t reach it.” He sat back down on the mule. “I guess it’s back to sorting pennies, 99,” he said apologetically.

“Don’t get down yet,” the old prospector said. “Might be I can help. You sure you want to get out of here? It’s not too bad a life in this mine, you know. There’s hardly any traffic to speak of. And you never have to worry about accidentally falling into a mine-seeing as how you’re already in one.”

“Don’t get the wrong idea-it sounds lovely,” Max said. “But we have a duty to perform. And the only way we can do it is by getting out of here. If you can help, please do.”

“Okay. You asked for it.”

The old prospector walked around behind Madame DuBarry and gave him a swift kick in the tail. The mule bucked, raring up, and tossed Max straight up through the floor. There was a splintering sound as the planks shattered. Then there was a loud thump. Then silence.

“That elevator’ll give you a rough ride sometimes,” the old prospector commented.

“Max!” 99 cried, calling up through the hole in the floor. “Max! Where are you? Are you all right?”

Max’s face appeared at the rim of the hole. “I have a bruised shoulder all over, 99,” he said. “But I still appear to be in one piece.” He reached a hand down through the opening. “Get up on the mule,” he said, “and I’ll pull you out.”

“Do you see the KAOS assassins anywhere around, Max?” 99 asked, climbing up onto Madame DuBarry’s back.

“I haven’t looked yet,” Max replied. “But I don’t hear anything. In fact, it sounds ominously quiet up here.”

“That’s the mice,” the old prospector said.

“I haven’t seen any mice,” Max replied.

“We haven’t got any. That’s what makes them so quiet.”

“Oh.”

99 stretched, reaching up, and Max got hold of her hand, then hauled her up out of the mine. When they were both in the saloon, then looked back down into the tunnel at the old prospector and Madame DuBarry.

“Are you going to join us?” Max asked. “This will be the exciting part coming up. It’s where we good guys foil the bad guys. There’s usually a lot of action.”

“ ’Bout time,” the old prospector said. “But. . I guess I’ll just skip it. I’m not as young as I used to be. Too much excitement isn’t good for me.”

“What, exactly, could happen to you?” Max asked. “After all, you’re already-”

“Max. . don’t ask personal questions,” 99 whispered. “Maybe he’s sensitive about being you-know- what.”