Infernus

The session was interrupted when one of the young students asked what these mounds were.

The old man laughed in the nude. “Oh, come now, you’re pulling my leg. Anyone can see what they are. Let’s get back to our story.”

“Of course. Yes, of course. Let’s.”

* * *

[Handwriting analysis has clearly determined that this next section was not part of the original manuscript. The Greek is modern, not Koine Greek at all. The consensus is that a vindictive writer put his/her enemies in this tableau as an older type of fiction known as “revenge literature.” But, having said that, the editors have determined that it should be included, because it is so much in keeping with the playful spirit of Infernus.]

“THE CLIFFS AT HINTZ-BALZER”

Through a narrow archway they crept. The satyr was amazed when it opened into a wide dimly lit countryside. Nearly swallowed by the weak light of an orange moon, he could barely see a large grassy expanse that ran up to a cliff. He could hear waves crashing loudly below them and to their left. A wooden sign, covered with gray vines, was posted just outside the archway.

“Oh, Father, I cannot read the sign. It’s too dim in here.”

“Pick up a handful of hot coals from the corridor we just passed through and read it.”

He obeyed and asked, “Is it always this dim, Father?”

“Yes. You’ll know why in a moment. Look there.” He pointed a talon at a cold, orange globe that hung in the distant heavens. It seemed to hang in the sky long dead, glaring accusingly at them. “Do you see that, son?”

“The moon is waning here, making everything glow orange.”

“It is always orange here, my son, because that is the sun. And it has been waning for many thousands of years now.”

“Surely not, Father.”

“It is so.”

The son held the glowing embers in his hand calmly, for no heat of such small consequence could affect him. He brought it nearer to the sign until he could read it. The vines partly obscured the lettering, so he pulled the dry, cracking fingers aside. As they gave way, he could smell a musty aroma, like earth and wood. When the coal illuminated the sign, he saw, tucked deep inside the vines, a skull, cracked and gray. He thought he heard, coming from the center of it, a woman weeping softly.

“Father, there is a skull pushed back, entangled in the vines. It is barely lit by the light. Maybe it was never meant to be discovered.”

“Sometimes, you are so dull of wit that I wonder if there really is any hope for you.”

“Surely there is not, my father. Surely not. The sign says: ‘The Cliffs At Hintz-Balzer.’ Were these cliffs of historical significance?”

“No, for when the preacher and his accomplice, the village idiot, dreamed of another world, as they have for thousands of lifetimes by now, their beautiful murders were never discovered. So clever were they.”

A few yards away, there were shadowy blobs, pale in this light, involved in heavy, hurried activity.

The father said, “Approach softly and you will see their gorgeous pleasure-quest.”

What the son saw was a man lashed with tight leather straps to a wooden wheel, clothed only in an opened long coat, completely exposing his nakedness. Seven or eight dwarves swarmed ceaselessly over his face and lower extremities. His eyes were punched with such force by two or three of them, that from a distance they could hear the smart thuds and bones cracking.

“But, Father, I cannot see — oh, Father, they are chewing off his… his genitals. I can see that the eyes and lower extremities heal instantly, then they, oh, Father, no man could ever-”

“It isn’t painful to me,” the demon said, “so it doesn’t concern me.”

“And near his feet is the head of a Neanderthal. A brute. Like the head of a gorilla. With its brain exposed.”

The son saw that in their haste to pound the man’s eyes into oblivion, and their failure at it, and the chewing of his lower extremities, they often stepped into the soft, green sick brain. It cursed and cursed and wished it could reach them. Every filthy thing spewed from its mouth, but it had no calming effect on the dwarves.

“But, Father, it can’t talk if it is only a head. The voice box would-”

“Beneath the ground is where the rest of its nearly seven-foot frame exists. Be silent and I will tell you of their dream they believe was their world before.”

The son fell silent, eager to discover the answer to this enigma.

“When that world was not so old,” the father began, “the preacher cut a handsome figure in his long waistcoat and lengthy, straight black hair. No one ever suspected he had an accomplice in town, for they could not have been more different.

“This head believed he was the village idiot, and was never called anything other than ‘the ape, Jerrod.’ His heavy brow only caused the primitive villa to hate him more and fear him. He was never allowed to mix with the townsfolk or date their women. He was frequently chased through the streets by children throwing rocks at him and shouting, ‘Go up, you ape! Go up!’ He slept in barns and wept piteously.

“Every year a fair came to town and they loved it. But one year a very different wagon appeared. Its outside was painted bright oranges and reds, and was a festive wagon indeed. The occupants were dwarves, seven or eight in all. They put on plays, sang songs and played many wild instruments that delighted everyone in town, except one individual. The preacher was jealous of the people’s love for them, and became adamant with Jerrod the ape that they were cursed by God, and their small shapes were a sign of their accursed nature. He told the monster ape that it would be a grace to God if they were stolen away at night, locked in their wagon, and driven over the cliffs to be dashed on the rocks below.

“The village idiot always believed the preacher, for he was treated kindly by the man of God, so that is exactly what he did. When dusk fell, like this permanent dusk you see around you, all the dwarves were dashed to pieces on the rocks below and no one ever heard of them again. Both of them were idiots; they have never been anywhere but here.

“The preacher knew they would be seen in broad daylight, and in total darkness, the preacher and the ape would not have the satisfaction of seeing the dwarves destroyed on the rocks. They listened with glee to their screams and watched them flail as their broken bodies washed out in the ocean. The preacher and the ape laughed until their sides ached.”

“My kind of people, Father. But the preacher does not make sound as he-”

“It is true that they have been punching him in the eyes nonstop for many millennia, and they have been tearing off his privates with their teeth, and they grow back instantly, but this is not so for the tongue. They have torn the tongue out with their teeth and swallowed it many lifetimes ago. He does not have the satisfaction of begging them to stop, or of them hearing him screaming. It is funny, isn’t it?

“Have you ever seen anyone struck that hard in the eyes before, my son? And when one dwarf becomes tired, another takes his place. He doesn’t remember any time before this where his genitals weren’t being chewed. His poor sick mind constructed this fantasy to try to make sense of the complete senselessness of this. Nothing less. Pathetic, really. I have stood here many lifetimes completely silent, listening to their hungry munching and loud punching. Just wistfully watching.”

“Surely it is of a romantic nature, Father.”

“If you loved pleasing me, my son, you would drive your hooves into the ape’s eyes for many a lifetime.”

And the son did. In the dim, orange light, they went to their work, the father and son kicking energetically, repeatedly, into the head that sat above the ground. It cursed and screamed and begged, and they laughed so hard it soon made standing impossible.

The preacher shuddered, shivering in his pain, but could do nothing else, which made them laugh harder. The dwarves sped up their punching and munching, pleased but never laughing. They were much too serious and intent on their job for that.

A good time was had by all.

Thus ends the episode entitled “The Cliffs At Hintz-Balzer.”

* * *

They came to an open space and saw a man’s behind. The front part of his jerking body was lost within a