“It is good to grieve over what you have lost,” Daniel heard himself say. “A part of your life has been shattered, destroyed, taken away from you. But it is not the meaning of life that you linger there, and cry over the loss forever. At some point you will find the courage and the strength to move on again.”
Rayko lifted her face to Daniel. “You are a preacher, Daniel, and never again tell me that you are not.” Slowly she let go of his fingers and raised her hand, to touch his cheek. “And how do you feel, Daniel Zacharias? Much of your life has been destroyed also. When do you take the time to cry, to feel the pain and the loss?”
Confused about this sudden change in her, Daniel reached up and took her hand. She did not want to take it off his cheek, though, so he held his hand there, over hers. “No,” he said, “don’t.”
“Yes, Daniel. I have to, because I can feel it inside you. You are here for me, after all that happened. And I want to be here for you. After all that happened. Please… let me. Look at me.” Rayko knew what she was doing, and that it was the right thing to do.
As his eyes found hers, he seemed to lock up inside. There was something in her gaze that made it impossible for him to look away. There was a gentleness, a caring, a true desire to help him in her eyes, something he had never seen before.
As she looked into Daniel’s eyes and saw something happening inside him, Rayko slowly moved away from under his arm and kneeled next to him on the couch, now holding both his hands.
Daniel barely noticed her move.
“Daniel… please listen to me…” Rayko spoke in a very calm voice, as low as she could. “I really don’t know what you have been through. And it is not for me to know. But you know. You told me a few things, and they felt painful to me. You had a lot of hardship since you came here. I know you almost died. Twice. Please, Daniel, if you can, tell me about how you feel.”
Rayko felt a slight tremble in his hands. “Very good, Daniel. Just let it flow. Show me who you are, Daniel Zacharias.” She was not now just a young woman, she now was the preacher. The roles had switched.
Daniel closed his eyes. Despite that, he was still looking in Rayko’s deep brown eyes. A few small tears escaped from his eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks.
“It is all well, Daniel,” Rayko whispered.
“It’s not,” he whispered back. “I should not cry.”
“Yes. You should. There is pain buried inside you too, Daniel. You have to let it out. Go through it one more time. Then leave it behind you. You have nothing to be afraid of, you are here, with me. I will guide you.” Rayko closed her eyes and clenched her teeth as Daniel squeezed her hands hard for a moment. He was so strong.
Daniel did not want to cry. He did not want that weakness. He’d never had it, and he’d always been fine without it. But there was something in the words Rayko said, something in the tone of her voice, that poked at a hidden place deep inside him. It took away a veil and showed him a shimmer of it. Something that was lurking in the depths of his soul, in the place where he was hiding all his fears. All his pains. It was a place he did not want to go to.
“I can’t,” he whispered, barely audible.
“You can,” Rayko said. “You must. Because it is better for you. It will make you feel light inside, Daniel. Please, listen to my voice. Go to the place that you are facing. The place you fear.” She could tell by his face where he was going. Her studies and trainings in the philosophy had taught her how to interpret the signs, and so she knew, even with this man that was not from here and yet seemed to belong. Gently talking to him, supporting him, and guiding him through the trance she had put on him, she helped Daniel to enter the place he did not dare to face.
There were large shadows hanging over Daniel. Shadows the size of mountains. Dragons, fears twice their size, and they were waiting there for him. He found himself in a tunnel, its ceiling so high he could not see it. “I so very much do not want to be here,” he whispered to himself.
“You are not alone,” he heard a voice. It was the voice of a woman he knew. It was Rayko’s voice. “But you will have to walk here yourself. I am holding your hands, do you feel it?”
Daniel was aware of her hands. It was so strange, he could hear her and feel her, but he could not see her. All he saw was the long tunnel, and its hidden dangers, the fears and the terrors lurking in the dark.
“You have to move on, Daniel,” Rayko said. This was the difficult part. She could not see where he was, what he did, she just had to be there for him, and push him. The pushing was dangerous. Not too hard. Not too gentle. “Tell me, what is there to be afraid of, Daniel…”
The man in the tunnel saw the shadow of the operating table. The place where he had been taken to, after being shot up in space. “I don’t want to die there, Rayko,” he said, his voice coarse with fright. “It was not my fault they were there.”
“But you did not die, Daniel. You lived. And you are still alive.” Tears jumped into her eyes when he squeezed her hands again. “Now you have to move on again, Daniel.”
Daniel tore his eyes from the shadow and started walking, deeper into the tunnel.
“Are you walking?”
“Yes… it is dark here…” He had not said it, or there was a flicker of light. Something that brought another shadow alive. It showed him his brother, Malcolm. “I see Malcolm. And his family.”
Rayko was puzzled, she had never heard of a Malcolm. But there was so much she did not know about Daniel. “Face him. See what he does. And understand that he cannot touch you, Daniel.”
Daniel followed her leads, one after the other, and finally he reached a place in the tunnel where there was an immense shower of light. It looked like flowing silver and gold, and as he approached it, Rayko told him to step into it, and feel how the stream was taking away all the shadows that clung to him.
“It is the shower of forgiveness and acceptance, Daniel,” she whispered. “It is where Nahmyo waits for you, where you open your eyes.” Her hands were hurting, her face was wet with tears, but she had to push him through this. Otherwise it had all been in vain. Slowly she felt how his hands relaxed, she saw how his features eased and his breathing became more shallow, calm.
Daniel slowly rose from the trance. There was a lightness in him that he had never experienced before, not even in the zero gravity of space.
“Keep your eyes closed, Daniel,” Rayko whispered. She was leaning against him, as this had worn her out quite a bit. It had been hard work for her as well as for him, and she felt drained. But happy.
“Where are you, Rayko?” Daniel asked.
“I am here. Right beside you,” she whispered.
Somehow Daniel managed to raise his arm and put it around her. He pulled her close, and again she did not resist.
After a while, Sygra dared to move. He had come in and understood what Rayko was doing. She nor Daniel had noticed him enter the room, and he had not dared to stir a muscle. He was too much aware of what was going on, and any sound he would make would break the spell of the trance-work, so he had remained standing and waiting and watching.
He went into Daniel’s room to fetch a blanket. The senator frowned at the mass of black fabric on the table for a moment, then he returned and covered the two sleeping people with the blanket. Silently he left the small library.
“I think I will have my tea in the garden today,” he said to a servant. “And please, tell everyone not to go into the library for a while.”
“Very well, sir.”
62. Awakening
Daniel slowly awoke. He did not want to emerge from the soft warm cocoon he was in, but reality was relentless and dragged him out. Then he noticed that he was not alone. Slowly he looked to the side and saw brown hair against his shoulder. His arm was around the owner of the brown hair.
With a slight frown he tried to remember what had happened, but apart from going through the tunnel after Rayko had been talking to him he could not recall how she got to sleep in his arm. He also wasn’t sure where the blanket had come from, but it certainly felt nice.
