Jail Bird

at the main gate. Lily stood up and walked towards it, her pulses picking up speed. It could be anyone. Si. Freddy. That contract killer Tiger some-fucking-thing-or-other. But she was safe now, wasn’t she? Safe behind large gates and a total lockdown system that could be activated at a moment’s notice. The only thing she didn’t have in here was a panic room.

Lily flicked the switch and spoke unsteadily into the mouthpiece. ‘Who’s there?’

And an angry female voice came back loud and clear. ‘This is Saz. Who is that? ’

Oh Jesus, thought Lily. After a moment, she flicked the switch and let Saz in the gates.

35

Lily held the kitchen door open and Saz came storming in like a force ten hurricane. Her new husband, Richard, followed behind in silence.

‘What the hell is going on here?’ demanded Saz furiously. ‘Where’s Oli?’

Well, Lily had known this was coming. It had come sooner than she expected, though.

‘I couldn’t believe it when Uncle Si told me what was going on,’ Saz raged.

Ah, so Si’s responsible for this, thought Lily. He’d rung Saz and she’d come back to start world war three. Good old Si. You could always depend on that sneaky arsehole to put the knife in when you least expected it.

‘Well, believe it,’ said Lily calmly. ‘Because it’s true.’

‘You’ve got some damned front coming back here,’ said Saz.

Lily squared up to her daughter. Even as she did so she thought, My little girl, my lovely Saz. But all she saw in Saz’s eyes was hate. In every twisted line of her lovely face was disbelief, dismay, horror. That cut Lily like a razor, hurt her deeply.

I can do this, she thought, I can deal with it. I’ve dealt with worse. But the sheer hatred that was radiating out from Saz, from her own beloved daughter, was already sapping her strength, making her feel tired and hopeless.

‘And what’s happened to the gates? I couldn’t open the damned gates,’ Saz was ranting on.

‘That’s because we’ve changed the security codes,’ said Lily.

‘You what?’

‘You heard me, Saz,’ said Lily, struggling to keep her voice low and even. ‘I’ve moved back in.’

Saz’s jaw nearly hit the floor. ‘Are you mad?’ she demanded. ‘You think you can just swan back in here when you, you killed Dad, you shot him dead?’

‘Catch up with the latest, Saz,’ said Lily. ‘I didn’t do it. Somebody else did.’

‘As if I’d believe that,’ snorted Saz.

Lily stared at her daughter and frowned. ‘Why would you disbelieve it, Saz? Is it so easy to think that I’m a villain?’

‘I don’t want you here,’ said Saz, quivering with rage.

‘Saz…’ said Richard. Lily thought he was a handsome young man, with treacle-coloured hair flopping over his kind blue eyes. He looked awkward and unhappy. She almost pitied him. It was easy to see who was going to wear the trousers in this relationship.

‘Oh shut up, Richie,’ Saz snapped. ‘Stop being so bloody reasonable.’ She turned her attention back to her mother. ‘And as for you…’ Saz was literally twitching with rage. ‘…I want you out of here, right now.’

Lily felt anger start to ignite in her gut. I want you outfrom Saz. I don’t want you coming back here from Alice’s brutish brother. What the fuck are you playing at from Nick O’Rourke. Stand in line and wait your turn from the screws inside.

That’s how they all see me, she thought. As someone who’ll do as she’s told.

The old Lily, the sweet, accepting Lily she had once been, that Lily would have said yes, okay. But twelve years inside had changed her massively. Yes, she had been a model prisoner. Stayed out of rucks, mostly. Kept her head down. Railed against the injustice of it all, but only to herself, only ever to herself. Wondered all those long days and nights, who did this to me? But she had stayed out of trouble inside and she had done the time. Now, she was out. And where had being the nice, biddable little woman indoors ever got her?

No-fucking-where.

Well, she wasn’t about to make that mistake again. That old Lily had died inside. This new one was Lily reborn, remade, forged in the fires of misfortune. And this Lily was not about to take any shit, not from anyone.

‘You want me out?’ Lily put her hands on her hips and stared at her daughter. ‘Okay. Here it is. Let me lay it out plain for you. Oli doesn’t want me out, and she owns half this place. So I’m staying.’

Saz surged forward. ‘You cow,’ she snarled.

‘Saz…’ Richard made a restraining move, but Saz sent him a poisonous glance and he backed down.

‘No, Richie, I’ve got to say this,’ she said, whirling back to face Lily. ‘You never once got in touch to say sorry or to explain what happened, or to plead your innocence.’

‘I tried to get in touch lots of times, Saz,’ said Lily wearily.She’d already had this conversation with Oli. That fucking rat Si had a lot to answer for.

‘Oh yeah. Like hell.’

‘I did. Si fielded all my calls.’

Saz looked at Lily as if she was something nasty she’d just stepped in. ‘That’s a lie. You’re lying. Uncle Si wouldn’t do that. He told me that you never once tried to get in touch with me or Oli. That’s the truth.’

Lily shook her head, suddenly feeling exhausted. This was starting to really wear her down. ‘Your Uncle Si’s a bastard,’ said Lily. ‘And rotten to the core. If we’re talking truth here, what about that?’

‘You bitch,’ said Saz, and half turned and grabbed at something behind her on the worktop.

When Saz turned back towards her, Lily saw what was in her daughter’s hand.

It was a knife.

For God’s sake. Lily stood there, dumbfounded. Couldn’t react. Couldn’t even think. Her daughter had attacked her first with a bouquet of flowers, knocking her off her feet and onto her arse amid crowds of onlooking wedding guests, and now she was trying it with a knife? She couldn’t even begin to take it in. And not believing it, not wanting to believe it, made her slow.

Saz was coming at her with the knife raised.

Richard grabbed Saz, pulled her back. ‘Saz, no!’ he yelled.

Fuck’s sake, thought Lily dazedly. She meant to do it. She was going to cut me.

The pain of the knife going into her flesh could not have been more painful than what she felt now. That her daughter, the beautiful girl she’d carried for nine long months and finally, amid sweat and blood and tears and agony, given birth to—her daughter, her lovely Saz, had been going to knife her.

‘Let me go, you bastard,’ shrieked Saz, struggling to get out of Richard’s grip.

Poor Richard, thought Lily faintly. Is he wondering what he’s getting into here?

‘Not until you calm down,’ panted Richard, having to work hard to hold his new wife still.

Saz was red in the face and fighting to get free, but Richard was strong enough—thank God—to stop her. Finally she just collapsed in his arms, the knife dropping to the floor with a clatter. She started to sob, screwing up